WONK: the Chaos Reigns Players

[KilroyCD]

Announcer: As we left our heroes last week :

Arnold: I haff Zamatha und Kilroy reasonably secure. Zey're in ze basement of ze Svan und Farthing...

Meanwhile, Kilroy is writhing in pain in the wreckage of the Swan and Farthing's basement. Attempting to brush wood splinters and plaster dust off him, Kilroy thinks:"If this is reasonably secure Arnold, I'd hate to hear what you consider in grave danger..."

Announcer: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to this week's episode of WONK. (Cue the music) *Insert the Monty Python's Flying Circus theme song here*

 

[retrogirl1941]

Annoucer: Last week we left KilroyCD, Retrogirl1941 and Arnold in the rubble of the bombed out pub. Diamondback was chatting up General Patton and thinking of dropping in on Rommel in North Africa. Whitehall finally released Carter and he made it back to WONK headquarters.

( I roll over to find my self on a couch,) Oh! My head! Where am I? The last thing I remember is a blinding light and an explosion….

Ziegfried: Ah, you are avake? Das is Gut! Ve pulled you you from ze rubble of the pub. Ve still hafe need of you. Your father and ze Diamondback are still to be found.

Me: Why are we in Teekays mansion?

Zeigfried: Vell, after your beloved levt town. It vas deeded to me. Und now you vill reside here as vell. Then as planned you vill be relased to Zebra team. Und by ze, ve are having a guest for dinner. You had better get vready.


Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

*Clawing through the rubble* Samantha! Are you there? Samantha! *Thinking to self* God, I hope she's alright!
Samantha! Are you there? Is anyone there? Hello?!? *Trips and falls* Oh, that hurt! Is anyone there??? I've fallen and I can't get up!!

 

[retrogirl1941]

After I had gotten dressed in a better dress, I desecened the stairs of the house.I could hear ziegfreid talking to someone in the parlor. I could'nt mkae out anything though.I walked into the room to discover that the guest the ziegfried was talking about was Clive, the barman.

Ziegfried- Ah, there you are! Ve vas vondering vere you had gotten to. You know Clive.(clive gets ups and kisses my hand and leads me to a seat, I am horrifyied)

Me- If I had known who was here I would not a have attended!

Zeigfried- Vell, I thought of that, You see I had guards posted outside your beddroom vindow. So you see the vas no vay to get out of this engagement.

Me- I would rather starve!


samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

Good Lord...my back...my leg...my shoulder. Cripes, what time is it? I can't see if it's day or night. It looks like nobody's around. Have I been left here to die? Is Samantha here, or was she rescued? IS ANYBODY HERE???

 

[retrogirl1941]

Zeigfried-Vell, that can ve arranged!Ha! But not until we vind Carter and ze Diamondback.

Clive-Samantha would you like a cocktail or something to pour down the old hatch?

Me- I will not inebriate myself in front of you two!

Zeigfried- Vell, then its time for dinner! Vis vay,(leading clive to the dinning room, who is leading me there also. We all sit down)

Clive-(looking towards me) So what do you see in the pilot anyways?


Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

I'm stuck in this godforsaken basement and nobody knows I'm here. I can't hear or see anyone. Good Lord, what a way to snuff it!

 

[Diamondback]

Blackout on radio: My apologies--seems somebody failed to properly secure a 250-pounder on one of my wing hardpoints. Still picking up vitals in there, and Kilroy's beacon.

*DB/B and Patton take up "ready" positions on opposite sides of the door*
Ready, General? I'll take left, you go right.
Gen. Patton: Assigning moves by dominant hand--smart. Let's kick some Jerry CENSORED!
*DB/B moves through door, sweeping the room, then Patton moves in*
Guard: Vas ist--*we see lightning fly from DB/B's fingertips, guard collapses into a twitching mess*
Cool, that experimental "taser glove" does work! That reminds me, General, this may help with "uncooperative subjects"... *passes Patton a Taser* Just poke 'em with it, and they do thirty seconds of Dance of the Dying Cockroach.
(to guard) How many of you are there? Talk or fry--I don't care, and my goodwill's the only way you'll get out of this alive...
Gen. Patton: We're wasting time. *cocks .45, trains it on guard's head* Spill, before I spill your brains all over this floor, you Hun sonofaCENSORED!
Guard: Zere are fife of us left--all the rest vent vith Ziegfried und ze girl.
Where?!
Guard: Zat vill be my insurance policy--I vant to defect, und I vill tell you as I turn myself in. How else vould I be assured I'll liff to see dawn?
OK, fair enough... General, I'll bet they're in the basement. I take two, you take three?
Gen. Patton: All right... let's get on with it! *DB/B and Patton charge down the stairs, then peel off in opposite directions down the hallway*

 

[retrogirl1941]

Zeigfried-Clive, don't get too attached(pardon the pun), viss girl iss going to ze zebra team after vis. Though such a pretty thing to waste.

Clive-Boss are you sure you have to hand her over? I could keep her and lock and key!hey, it would be my pleasure(throwing an eery smile towards me)!

Me- Are you two done talking about me as if I was'nt here? I will go with neither of you......(before I could finish zeigfried interupts)

Zeifried- Vell, seeing if you have the choice, zebra team or viss lovely gentleman vere?Velll, vhat iss your choice?


Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

*Meanwhile, seemingly forgotten in the wreckage of the pub* Not...much strength...left. My leg...I can't move it...
What a way to die...*passes out*

 

[Diamondback]

*Arnold enters room*
Arnold, to Ziegfried: Other--Clive iss either fool or traitor. He informed on ze Svan und Farthing operation... und I found zese tracking and eavesdropping devices in his personal effects.*holds up devices*Vhy not entrust her to me?

 

[Diamondback]

*DB/B aggressively pies several corners, finding only empty rooms, finally reaches end of hall*
Okay, I smell one to the left, hear one to the right...
Blackout: Kilroy's beacon is at the other end of the hall, Boss. General, our objective is three doors down from you.
*DB/B opens fire, spraying both rooms with lead from .45s, reloads with two magazines each long as his forearms, and empties them. *we hear two screams, and gurgling; DB kicks left door, finds dead guard on the loo*
Well, CENSORED happens and then ya die...

 

[KilroyCD]

Clive: Oy! They're not mine! I'm bloody well being framed, I am!

 

[retrogirl1941]

Zeigfried- I sink not! Ahnold, You must report back to the pub and fish out kilroy. I will take care of clive. Heil!

(arnold leaves)
Clive- You know thats not mine, mate! I am being framed!

Zeigfried- I know, ve hafe reason to suspect ahnold of veing a double agent. Ve vill deal vith him later. samantha, you are not hungry? Vill ve hafe to get different food for your delicates tastes?


Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

*Kilroy comes to, feels water running down his neck* Oh, bloody hell, now it's raining. I guess this means I'm still alive since I feel this. Or am I dreaming this? Is anyone even looking for me? If they post me as missing, the boys back at the aerodrome will all pinch my gear. Blast it all! I'll bet my new Irvin has been pinched already!

 

[retrogirl1941]

Clive-(leaning in towards me)So what will you choice be? You know you want to......

zeigfried- Please lets discuss this later, ve vill withdraw into ze study for drinks?


samantha

 

[Diamondback]

*we see Patton clear three rooms, killing three German occupants... finally he comes to another room with an obviously not-well Brit flyer on the floor*
Patton, bellowing: Bourne! Three down! You?
TWO!
Patton: (shouting)Got a live one down here! (not shouting) Son, can you hear me? *Patton sprinkles some water over Kilroy's face, trying to check for a reaction*

 

[KilroyCD]

*Just then Kilroy hears a commotion above. First, boards start creaking, then a loud crash. When the dust settled, Kilroy sees Lo Phat, hanging upside down right in front of him, with a safety rope around his waist*
Lo Phat: Herro, Mistuh Kil-loy! I thought I'd find you here!
Kilroy: My Lord, You're a sight for sore eyes! I'm so glad to see you!
Lo Phat: Mistuh Kil-loy, are you okay?
Kilroy: Not really, I think my leg might be broken, and my shoulder and back hurt like h***. Hey! Isn't that my new Irvin you're wearing?

 

[retrogirl1941]

Zeigfried- Zo Samantha, are you really zo unhappy with clive here that you vill chace your life in zebra teams hands?

Clive-Come on doll! This should'nt be a hard decision! For crying out loud!

Me- I thought you have to hand me to zebra team when you capture carter and diamondback right?

Zeigfried- vright.....

Me- Well it is my thought that you will never capture them!


Samantha

 

[Diamondback]

Outside the Swan and Farthing...
*we see several men around a hole, struggling with Kilroy's weight on the end of a line; suddenly, a car skids to a stop next to them and Arnold steps out*
Arnold: Allow me.*he grabs the line, hoisting Kilroy out*

And down below...
*DB/B races to Patton's position* Oh crap... Kilroy, you alright? *Kilroy groans*
(whispering to Patton)I know Kilroy's voiceprint, that groan doesn't match his--we got us a "ringer" here. What say we string him along until we can interrogate him?
Patton: You devious ba***rd... I like it.
(whispering) Actually, sir, that's "ba***rd", capital-B--it's a title, as in "ba***rd Operative From Hell." Kinda like a Masonic fraternity...
Blackout, "whispering" on radio: Kilroy's out, Arnold just got back and scored the "lift"--you've got a double. Beacon's with the one up here...
Okay, Kilroy, let's get you outta here. *sees stretcher in the corner* Just rest easy... *DB/B and Patton hoist "Kilroy" into stretcher, tying him in securely*