WONK: the Chaos Reigns Players

[KilroyCD]

1st man: Release him? Nein! He stays. Howeffer, ze two of you are gettink on my nerves viss your bickering. Ahnold! Take ze handcuffs off ze pilot und take him into ze uzzer room.
Arnold: Jawohl! *goes to Kilroy and unlocks the handcuffs* Follow me.
*Arnold leads Kilroy into an adjacent room and closes the door behind them* Arnold: Now, sit down and listen. I'm only going to say this once. I'm working undercover here, and the last thing I need is for you or Sam to blow my cover. Just play along with me, and try to get her to keep her mouth shut! I thought the game was over when I saw her. If mein boss finds out she and I know each other, I'm a dead man.
Kilroy: I read you loud and clear.

 

[retrogirl1941]

I will not talk to you. (crosses arms)I have already gotten myself in too much trouble today.But at least kilroy is gone now.

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

So, Kiloy is rowing to London (Rolo, the man is daft as a duck) and DB has accompanied Sam to Allied HQ. hmmm...must be SHEAF. The next thing I know, he and Sam will be sharing toddies with Ike.

Lo Phat: No, suh! You got it all long! Kil-low is no rowing to Rondon, DB is going to headqualters in Rondon. Kil-loy and Samanfa go missing. They have been gone for hours, and my gut feeling is they are in trouble.

 

[carter]

Rolo enters the room in full Scots regalia. His sporran is well-filled, he has a dirk tucked into each hose top, his sgian dubh is razor sharp, and he has a massive claymore strapped across his back.

Ready, Sir!

Carter: Very well, Rolo. Are you turned out for the Highland Games? Don't forget the Thompson.

Rolo: No worries, Sir. I've got my head screwed on tight.

Carter: Mack and Tosh?

Rolo: Waiting just outside, Sir. They are complaining a bit about the weather. THey say it's too damp for their gear.

Carter: What proper Bedouin complains of a bit of weather? Balderdash! Issue them greatcoats if you must. Too soft, too soft by far!

Rolo: Sorry, Sir. Shall we depart?

Carter nods his acquiescence and they exit the room.

Carter reenters alone, crosses to his desk, and removes his Webley from the drawer. He secrets the weapon beneath his kilt, slips a trench knife into his hosetop, places two gammon grenades under the kilt, picks up the jug of grog and turns to the door.

Coming, Rolo! There's skulduggery afoot! I can smell it or his name's not 'lo Phat!
Farewell, Phat! Cheerio!

 

[KilroyCD]

1st man: By zhe vay, you may call me Zeigfried. Zo, Samantha, you zhink you can gain your freedom by zaying you're a German citizen. Ve know all about you. Ve know you vere born in Hamburg. Ve know you left Germany as a little girl, but returned to go to school at ze Third Reich's University und School of Cosmetology. Ve know zhat you returned to Engeland in 1939, chust before ze war broke out. Ve know zhat you now vork for ze S.O.E., and zhat you operate behind our lines. You vere captured by ze Zebra Team two months ago, but in a daring escape, you vere rescued by ze RAF before our troops caught you.
Now, viss zhis knowledge, vhat do you zhink your chances are of staying alive?

 

[retrogirl1941]

I'm sure you could use someone with my track record? yeah ,um...... well I thought I would be dead last time the zebra got me but, you know how that turned out. So I don't know how to answer you....

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

I'm sure you could use someone with my track record? yeah ,um...... well I thought I would be dead last time the zebra got me but, you know how that turned out. So I don't know how to answer you....

Samantha

Zeigfried: Are you sayink zhat you might be interested in vorking for zhe vinning side? Hmmm, I must check viss mein commandant. *Picks up phone and dials* Ja, ziss is Zeigfried. Get me Roy, danke. *Waits while Roy is summoned* Roy? Ja, it's Zeigfried. Ve haff somebody here you might vish to speak vith. Ja, she iss interested in becomink a double-agent. Ja....ja....ja...Sehr gut! Ve vill zee you soon. Heil!

 

[carter]

Carter, Rolo, Mack, and Tosh are pelting down a narrow track in their jeep. Rain lashes the moors as a gibbous moon floats dimly above. A stiff wind whips the trees about as Mack peers thru the windscreen and Tosh clutches his Bren gun to his chest.

Rolo: You know, Colonel, we could be headed into a dicey situation. Have we any access to Special Ops if things go badly.

Carter: I've been considering that very thing, Rolo. We could require resources not usually provided by lawyers, guns, or money. I'm considering the issue of a special warrant.

Rolo: Anyone particular in mind, Sir?

Carter: Indeed, Rolo, a man I haven't seen in years. Let's see what develops when we Warrant, ... the Fawn.

A smile ghosts across Rolo's lips as they drive on through the storm-tossed night. At last he and the Fawn will be working together again.

 

[retrogirl1941]

(talking to myself) stupid! Now everythings been screwed over!

(talking to Ziegfried) Well, I did'nt exactly say that but, wait I guess I did. I really need to stop talking. But thats what I do when I get nervous. So see I would make an awful agent. I would betray all your secrets.Yeah that's it!

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

Kilroy: So Arnold, what do you want me to do. You need to get me...and for that matter Samantha...out of here.
Arnold: I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
Kilroy: Can you tell me where the bloody heck we are?
Arnold: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. * A wry smile creeps over his lips* I've always wanted to say that.
Kilroy: Seriously, though, where are we? Can we get word to anyone?
Arnold: Leave it to me. By the way, we're in the basement of the "Swan and Farthing" pub.
Kilroy: Smashing! Maybe you could get word to the boys from the aerodrome once they pile in upstairs tonight.
Arnold: Leave it to me...

 

[retrogirl1941]

(Ziegfried in the corner talking on the phone to someone about me) (talking to myself) I have to get out of here before I am recruited into the SS! Think think think samantha think! (Ziegfried puts down phone and walks back toward me)

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

Zeigfried: Vell, Samantha, Roy iss on his vay to interr...I mean talk to you. Maybe you could be of zome help to our side. In ze meantime, chust zit back und relax.

*Meanwhile, in the next room, Arnold ponders his next move*
Arnold: I have an idea. I'll arrange for the air raid siren to go off tonight. During the "air raid", I'll let you and Samantha out the back door. In the blackout, nobody will see you, and in the confusion, hopefully nobody will notice you're gone until it's too late.
Kilroy: But what will happen to you if your prisoners escape while in your custody?
Arnold: That's the chance I'll have to take...

 

[retrogirl1941]

Interrigate me? Why I don't have any information for you, you already know everything about me and my family. I don't even know where my father is or DB. So how can I help you with anything?

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

Interrigate me? Why I don't have any information for you, you already know everything about me and my family. I don't even know where my father is or DB. So how can I help you with anything?

Samantha

Zeigfried: You chust vait und zee. There iss no better team of interrogators in the Wehrmacht than Zeigfried und Roy.

 

[retrogirl1941]

(heres footsteps outside the door coming down the corridor) Do they really need to question me? I told you I am no use to you! (geting out of chair and running for the door)

samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

Arnold: Okay, come with me, Kilroy. I have a plan.*Arnold and Kilroy step back into the other room*
Arnold: Zeigfried, our prisoner is hungry. Do I have permission to get some food?
Zeigfried: Yes, go get zhem zome fish und chips. Leave him viss me vhile you're out.
Arnold: Jawohl! Heil! *Turns and leaves*

Arnold leaves the pub and climbs on his motorbike to head to the local Home Guard HQ, then to the fish and chips shop. He arrives at the Home Guard HQ, and enters.
Arnold: Sargeant, may I see the Captain?
Sgt Wilson: Captain Mainwaring, there's a chap here to see you!
Mainwaring: Send him in!
Arnold enters Mainwaring's office, and a few minutes later exits.
Mainwaring: Sgt Wilson, Corporal Jones, I need to see you...

 

[retrogirl1941]

(Zeigfried grabs me, picks me up and ties my hand to the chair) Sie werden nicht mit dieser weg!
(You won't get away with this!)
(yelling at zeigfried)

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

Announcer: Fast forward to late in the evening. It's a clear, but moonless night. Mainwaring has notified HQ, and they've arranged for the air raid sirens to go off at 10pm. Kilroy and Samantha have survived a grueling afternoon being interrogated by Zeigfried and Roy, but they didn't crack. Zeigfried has left the room for the time being, leaving Arnold to guard the prisoners. It's approximately 9:30...

Kilroy: Arnold, what tiime is it?
Arnold: It's about 9:30...we have about a half hour yet.
Kilroy: You sure this will work?
Arnold: I have Captain Mainwaring's word that the sirens will go off.
Kilroy: Just look at Sam, she's sound asleep. It's been a grueling day...

* Just then the air raid sirens go off*

Arnold: They're early!

*All the lights are shut off, and to ensure they don't go back on prematurely Arnold dashes over to the fusebox and removes the main fuse.*

Arnold: Come on, now! Follow me!

*Arnold leads Kilroy and Samantha upstairs and to the back door of the pub, where they hear the drone of aircraft overhead*

Kilroy: Holy smokes, it's a real air raid!

*Kilroy and Samantha run to the back door and throw it open just in time to be greeted by a blinding flash and a shockwave that throws them back inside the pub, just as the walls and roof collapse...*

 

[Diamondback]

Meanwhile, over at Hangar 18...
*phone rings, DB/B answers*
Arnold: I haff Zamatha und Kilroy reasonably secure. Zey're in ze basement of ze Svan und Farthing...
Outstanding... *switches phone to "speaker"* Change of plan, then. General, good news/bad news--we're gonna kill some Kraut tonight, but they're just up the road. Guess I won't need to call in that marker with Rommel, which means we won't need to steal that Storch that's Monty's favorite toy. CENSORED, I wanted some payback--would you believe the ba***rd nicked the last roll of toilet-paper last time he was here? I still got a foot with hisCENSORED's name on it... By the way, got something for you, sir. *hands over a pair of ivory-handled, stainless-steel 1911s*
Gen. Patton, handling .45s: Impressive--the design's been changed, though. I don't have to move my fingers as much to work it... very nice.
I had hoped we'd have a chance to fight together someday, so I made those specifically for you, sir. They're built to fire a round called .450 SMC, which is just a super-hot .45 Auto...
(into phone) Arnold, we're on our way!
*DB and Patton pile into Jeep, Blackout roars into the night sky*

 

[KilroyCD]

Announcer: The Chaos Reigns Players will hopefully return next week with another mind-numbing misadventure:

Will Kilroy and Samantha be found alive? (I think we know the answer to that)
Did Arnold survive as well?
Will Kilroy have to find a new pub to drink at?
Did the fish and chips taste good?
Will Diamonback get General Patton in on this operation?
Did Carter run out of puns?
Will Rolo, Mac and Tosh get the Warrant for the Fawn?
Did Diamondback survive his meeting with Patton?
Will we ever see Dostacos, zaika, MNC and Dash again?


TUNE IN NEXT TIME To WONK for the answers to these and many other nonsensical questions, when the Chaos Reigns Players continue the saga of The Rescue of the Two Cabooses Plus Multiple Milos or How I Saved the Train With a Plane But Lost My Mind To Porridge.

(We are not responsible for the inconclusivity of the aforementioned conclusion.)

Inspired by Marc Chevalier from a post by Carter derived from a photo posted by Salv.

This Evening's Cast - Samantha, Diamondback, KilroyCD, Carter, "Clive", "Zeigfried", "Roy", "Lo Phat", "Arnold", "General George Patton", "General Dwight D. Eisenhower", "General "Beetle" Smith", "Capt George Mainwaring", "Sgt Wilson", "Rolo", "Mac" and "Tosh".


This Threadcast was posted live at the Studios of the Fedora Lounge.

Our Thanks to MK and the Bartenders for their Understanding and Forebearance.