WONK: the Chaos Reigns Players

[KilroyCD]

I will not go! I am going to stay right here! I belong here with carter and Kilroy I can't ever leave him.........I really do love him.

Samantha

Zeigfried: Zo, you von't go. Ve haff vays to change your mind. *Turns to door* Clive! Go capture Kilroy!
Clive: Are you sure, sir? Kilroy knows who I am, and worse yet, he knows too much about me. I think...
Zeigfried: DO AS I SAY YOU MORON! Ach du liebe! You can't get good help anymore...

 

[carter]

What the CENSORED was that? I didn't hear any sirens!

Carter really wouldn't know as he has blanched and swooned and now lies face-down in the debris. Perhaps he is in search of a duck or goose.

Rozen reenters the room.

All clear in sectors one and two, Sarnt. No sign of Guil. However, he may be checking the Hamlet.

 

[retrogirl1941]

Please don't hurt kilroy! He should'nt know about all of this......... he well......I don't know if he reciprocates the feelings I have for him! Please, what can I do so you don't hurt him? (pauses)If I have to go with you I will, just don't hurt kilroy!

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

*Thinking to himself* We haven't heard from DB yet. I'm beginning to worry about Samantha. Nobody has heard from her since she left with the imposter.
I've got to try to find her. She must be in danger again. I don't bloody well care if my other knee gets shot up, I have to find her.
Carter! Carter! *Looks at Carter face down in the debris* Lo Phat, please tend to Carter. I've got to try to find Samantha! My gut feeling is that she's in trouble again. *Runs out of the Mess, to his Spitfire and fires it up* Maybe I can find the Whip and Garter from the air.

 

[KilroyCD]

Zeigfried: Oh, I haff no intention of hurting Kilroy. *Thinks to himself* But killink him, yes.*

 

[retrogirl1941]

Oh! But why do you want to get him here?

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

* Taxies out in the Spit, lines up with the runway and gradually advances the throttle)*
Kick in some left rudder, a little nose-down trim, here we go!
*the Spit accellerates down the runway and virtually leaps into the air*
Now for a little low level recon. Maybe I can find DB at the same time...

 

[KilroyCD]

*Flying along at 100 feet above ground level*
Wait, what's that I see ahead? It looks like an auto, but like nothing I've ever seen before. Wait! That's Arnold! It looks like...yes! He's actually holding the back end of the car up and DB appears to be fixing a puncture! *laughing* Just wait until I tell Carter about this! Oh, I wish I had a camera other than the gun camera. I doubt DB would take kindly to getting shot at...
*Looking to the side* Wait...over there...that looks like MY car by that building!

 

[carter]

Carter shakily rises to his knees. He is once again covered in dust and debris. Peering owlishly at Roland, he says..

To the Hamlet, Roland, get me to the Hamlet!

He staggers to the door.

What is that? Is someone taking off in a Spifire! Please! Tell me that isn't Kilroy dashing off into another bloody one-way mission!

Roland:

I fear so, Sir. Rozen, help the Colonel. We must secure transport to the Hamlet.

Roland exits, Thompson at the ready, as Rozen crosses to Carter. There is the abrupt sound of three shots in rapid succession. Rozen crumples to the floor. Carter looks up in bewilderment as The Faun enters from the opposite hallway, smoking gun in hand.

Hello, Carter. It's been a long time since Casablanca. I thought I'd see you in a month or a year but you never came. I was left to rot in a lousy collaborationist cell. But now I'm here and I intend to be here for the rest of your short existence. I expect you to carry my face into whatever forever you believe in. Wherever it is, I hope it's as crummy as these lousy cigarettes I took off that trooper in the Hamlet.

He pauses to shake a cigarette from the pack he removes from his packet, take it between his teeth, and light it from a burning stick in the rubble. Smoke drifts from his nostrils as he exhales. He waves his pistol toward the door behind Carter.

Let's go, Colonel, no sudden moves or any other funny stuff. I know where your daughter is and who's with her. She'll be just fine as long as you behave. Just remember, I'm right behind you.

They exit the room.

 

[carter]

Announcer: The Chaos Reigns Players will hopefully return next week with another mind-numbing misadventure:

Will Samantha ever get to see the real Kilroy again?
Will Clive ever?
Will Kilroy (the imposter) get to Carter through Samantha?
What color is Carter's real hair?
Will Carter survive his encounter with The Faun?
Will Roland find transport to the Hamlet?
Will Kilroy and Carter ever meet again?
Will Diamondback find the Whip and Garter with KARR?
Will Arnold have any lines to say next week?
Will Diamondback successfully repair his puncture?
Will Nurse Martha return?
Will we have cameos from Dostacos, zaika, MNC and Dash?

TUNE IN NEXT TIME To WONK for the answers to these and many other nonsensical questions, when the Chaos Reigns Players continue the Saga of The Rescue of the Two Cabooses Plus Multiple Milos or How I Saved the Train With a Plane But Lost My Mind To Porridge.

(We are not responsible for the inconclusivity of the aforementioned conclusion.)

Inspired by Marc Chevalier from a post by Carter derived from a photo posted by Salv.

This Evening's Cast - Samantha, KilroyCD, "Zeigfried", "2nd Kilroy", Carter, "Roland", "Rozen", "Guil", and introducing "The Faun".

This Threadcast was posted live at the Studios of the Fedora Lounge.

Our Thanks to MK and the Bartenders for their Understanding and Forebearance.

 

[KilroyCD]

Welcome to this week's episode of WONK: The Chaos Reigns Players prevents...

Announcer:This week on WONK, Phoebe's husband George finds that she has been having an affair with their Butler, Jeeves. Meanwhile Phoebe's illegitimate daughter has also been having an affair with Jeeves, who has been having an affair with the next door neighbor, Ethel. Ethel's husband, on the other hand, has been having an affair with Lady Jane, the other neighbor. Lady Jane's husband Bruce has been having an affair with Phoebe, her illegitimate daughter and the woman who runs the dry cleaners down the block. Meanwhile, throughout all of this the milkman finds he has nobody to have an affair with as all the women are taken.

Oh... wait. Have I gotten the wrong story line again?

Anyway, here's tonight's episode of WONK. I think Samantha's still being held by Zeigfried and Roy, while Clive is out to find and eliminate Kilroy who is flying around in his aeroplane looking for her. DB and Arnold were last seen trying to fix a puncture, while Carter was being abducted by the Faun. The action (if Kilroy is lucky tonight) takes place near an RAF station somewhere in England...

 

[retrogirl1941]

(talking to zeigfried) Can't you let me go? Why drag me all the way to Germany just to lock me up in a cottage, when I can stay here and stay under the radar?

Samantha

 

[Diamondback]

*examining black-box in KARR's wheel-well* Figures... *reaches in, resets some switches*

KARR: Weapons are fully armed and operational. Let's move!

Several minutes later...

Arnold: Approaching target. Recommend a knock on the door...
KARR: And those new five-inch rockets would be perfect.

All right, spin-up #1. What've you got on our targeting?
KARR: One human female, restrained in center of room. Eight human males, all armed, one in state of high anxiety, one near back wall.

Perfect, we'll plow through it and run him down, cut the opposition down a little. Arnold, you ready?
Arnold: Lock und load.

 

[retrogirl1941]

Please Zeigfried! I don't want to go back to Germany!I would be of no use to you, other than so called family ties.I think someone is knocking at the door.

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

*Kilroy is still in his Spitfire (since last week), and boy, does he have to go!...* Yes, that IS my car there. What is it doing there and who took it? I'll bet it was that guy posing as me. This must be where Sam is...
Hmm. it looks like DB and Arnold have gotten things going again and they're approaching. I'll wait to see what they do.

 

[Diamondback]

KARR: Firing one... two's away. Brace for impact.

Action: hidden panels on KARR's doors open, and two rockets arc into the Whip and Garter's roof... and KARR slams through the rear wall, crushing Roy under two tons of vehicle; DB/Bourne and Arnold bail out with guns drawn...

 

[retrogirl1941]

What was that?(looking around at back wall, or what was a back wall)

Samantha

 

[KilroyCD]

Okay, now things are getting lively! Wait, who is that running from the building? It looks like me, and he's running towards my car! It's that imposter! *Turns on the gunsight* He's not going to get away this time! *Kilroy opens fire and sees his car go up in flames* Bloody he**! My Aston! I didn't mean to hit that! I still have payments left to make on it!

 

[Diamondback]

*Clive starts fidgeting, like he's about to go for a weapon*
KARR, moving toward him and lightly revving engine: Unless you want to be pressed right into that brick wall, I wouldn't move if I were you...
*Arnold runs over to Samantha and unties her, keeping a shotgun trained on Clive the whole way*

So, you're Siegfried... well, you're gonna be SigDEEPFRIED when I finish with you!

 

[KilroyCD]

Zeigfried: You don't scare me, you pantywaste! You think you haff me vhere you vant me, but do don't. I haff somezhing in mein hand that vill make you think twice. *Holds up a switch with a flashing red light* You see, all I haff to do is press zhis switch and zhis whole building und a goot part of zhis village vill cease to exist. Ve are standing above 90 tons of TNT, and I hold ze detonator in mein hand.