WONK: the Chaos Reigns Players

[KilroyCD]

YOU are the cause of this outbreak of applause? You had better have more than a frivilous reply, Sir!

(We may need that firing squad after all.)

No Sir, I think you have the wrong end of the stick, as it is. I have nothing to do with this outbreak, but it happened on my watch, so to speak. *Thinking to myself* I may regret just having said that.
*Hands shotgun to DB*

 

[carter]

No, Carter, I had nothing to do with a bunch of pilots who chose the wrong "social companionship". I haven't even been off the base in a week, I've been busy preparing my office as a final fallback position!

Not you, DB. I was referring to Kilroy. Isn't he the Squadron Commander?

I thinks I'll just step outside and have a Player chaps. Carry on.

Carter walks out the door in his robe and slippers wearing his cap and carrying his Shi Tzu which DB and Kilroy have apparently not noticed. There is a heavy overcast and the rain is coming down in buckets.

 

[Diamondback]

Ahh, thank you, Kilroy--I think your Doc will find this most encouraging--it does say "PERSUADER" on the barrel, after all...

You might wanna get Carter back in here, he'll catch pneumonia or a cold out there or something!

*opens umbrella and dashes to Rolls, speeding off to hospital*

 

[KilroyCD]

Good Lord! Carter must be ill! How could he go outside like that? After all, that poor dog has no protection from the elements! Come to think of it, Carter wasn't exactly dressed for it either!
Major Carter, Come in here! Lo Phat has your breakfast ready! *Turns to Lo Phat* Hurry up, my man! We're in crisis mode!

 

[carter]

Good Lord! Carter must be ill! How could he go outside like that? After all, that poor dog has no protection from the elements! Come to think of it, Carter wasn't exactly dressed for it either!
Major Carter, Come in here! Lo Phat has your breakfast ready! *Turns to Lo Phat* Hurry up, my man! We're in crisis mode!

hack,,,cough,,,,wheeze " I'll be just a" blech" moment, Kilroy. Did you know it's raining? I can almost see the kittens and doggies! Marvelous!" pffftt...sphft...

 

[Diamondback]

Meanwhile, at the base hospital...
*bursting into flight-surgeon's office* Major Carter's got problems, which means you've got problems. You might want to get over there and check him out.
Doc: But I've got a whole ward of sick pilots!
Yes, your syphilis outbreak--I've heard about that. Start administering penicillin, and get in the car--you wouldn't want Carter in his delirium to notice some of the "irregularities" in your inventory of medicinal brandy now, would you? *raised eyebrow*
Doc: Okay, okay! Give me a few minutes to give instructions... *doc writes out treatment doses, hands to orderly and gets in car*
*adjusts shotgun under trenchcoat* Whew, didn't even have to use this... *enters car and whisks doc to HQ*

 

[KilroyCD]

hack,,,cough,,,,wheeze " I'll be just a" blech" moment, Kilroy. Did you know it's raining? I can almost see the kittens and doggies! Marvelous!" pffftt...sphft...

Really now, sir! Don't you think you should step in out of the rain? You can smoke in here. After all, it won't be another 50-plus years until they enact anti-smoking laws!

 

[carter]

Really now, sir! Don't you think you should step in out of the rain? You can smoke in here. After all, it won't be another 50-plus years until they enact anti-smoking laws!

Really? Charming! Is there more tea? Maybe a spot of Jameson on the side?

Let's have some breakfast! Is Lo Phoot lost?

 

[Diamondback]

*pulls up and steps out just in time to hear:

You can smoke in here. After all, it won't be another 50-plus years until they enact anti-smoking laws!

Where'd you come up with that number? Has PFY been talking out of turn again?

*hustles doc over to Carter, then dashes inside to stow shotgun*

 

[KilroyCD]

Good show DB! *Turns to the doc* Will you please have a look at Major Carter? He's not himself, if you get my drift...

 

[carter]

Hello, it's the Flight Surgeon. Please, have a look at DB.

DB, Have a seat and don't be alarumed. We're all having a physical.

(Aside to Kilroy: Be prepared lest he run amuck.)

 

[Diamondback]

Okay, I'll humor you on this one. But no needles, and no "tailpipe check"... *places .45s within hand-twitch's reach*

 

[carter]

Flight Surgeon: Well, Sir, this is a bit irregular. However, if you insist.
DB, please stick out your tongue.

Checks DB's tongue, throat, eyes, ears, nose, etc. Turns to Carter

He looks fine to me, Sir, fit as a fiddle.

 

[KilroyCD]

*To DB* Just play along. He'll get this all sorted sooner or later...

 

[carter]

OK, Kilroy, you're next. Have a seat right over here.

We need to move this along. I feel a nap coming on.

 

[Diamondback]

*as soon as surgeon's back is turned, reinstalls steel dentures*

Okay, Kilroy, your turn! *grumbles under breath* I just heard a radio call, a Lancaster being harassed by Me109s with no fighter-cover. They were squawking "priority" codes...

 

[KilroyCD]

*Doc to Kilroy* Okay, drop your shorts.
Waitaminnit! I don't need to be treated for the same thing the rest of the Squadron has! I wasn't there!

 

[carter]

*Doc to Kilroy* Okay, drop your shorts.
Waitaminnit! I don't need to be treated for the same thing the rest of the Squadron has! I wasn't there!

Now, Kilroy, just get it over with. Then, we'll have some breakfast. I hope.

Doctor, if this takes long, wake me when it's over. (Sits down at desk)

 

[KilroyCD]

*Grumbles under breath* Sonuva...
Okay, Doc. Make it quick.
*Doc to Kilroy* Play along, Sir. I can see that Major Carter isn't well, but we can't alarm him. Did you see that he's still clutching that Shih Tzu?

 

[carter]

(Carter abruptly drops his head to his desktop and begins to snore quite loudly. The Shi Tzu wriggles from his grasp and sits on top of the desk licking his ear to no avail. It finally gives up ad lies down resting it's head on Carter's.)