SWANK ADVICE-Don't ask because you won't like the answer

[koopkooper]

Don't ask because you won't like the answer

This week I received an email from a listener who wanted to know whether or not I make any money out of my radio show and asking me all manner of questions about how I make a buck. He wanted to know how he could achieve a similar way of life.

It always amazes me how people can often ask the most personal questions and are often surprised if you are short or angry at them.

You asked me a question about my personal and company finances, you ask me a question about how you can achieve what I have and you are surprised that I might be somewhat offended.

Now this person had just finished College so I can understand that there is often a massive difference on values when it comes to the generational gap and it certainly makes me wonder how this person will get through life when he starts to ask his boss questions like this in the corporate.

Time after time at parties and functions I have been horrified by what people determine good and stimulating conversation. Religion, Politics and money are massive social taboos and I can think of about another twenty off the top of my head. You can actually avoid all the taboos and still. Have stimulating conversation without having to dumb it down to nothingness.
If you do stray into those areas that are likely to offend or embarrass then simply back out and move onto something else. All those involved in the conversation will be pleased that you did.

There are some things you just never bring up.

Koop Kooper
www.cocktailnation.net

 

[Undertow]

I think Religion and Politics are great discussions to have - in a group of friends. Once strangers are introduced, or perhaps people who you are not intimate, things can lead to hurt feelings and outright rudeness.

The art of conversation is slowly fading. There's no need anymore. Attention spans are dwindling, pools of reference are drying, vocabularies are being replaced; it's a shame, really.

 

[C-dot]

You asked me a question about my personal and company finances, you ask me a question about how you can achieve what I have and you are surprised that I might be somewhat offended.

I'm sorry to hear you had to be subjected to that, but I'm sure you handled it with grace.

What I want to know is why acheivement always has to be tied in with money? This guy might have been on a better track if he'd asked you for advice on how he could have his own radio show too, but I'm sure he doesn't care what he does, as long as he cashes in.

Too may people think this way. Quality suffers when that happens.

 

[LizzieMaine]

It's the same mindset that leads people to look at some vintage item in your home -- a radio, an appliance, a clock, a book, or what have you -- and have their first question be "what's that worth?"

"What's it worth??" What kind of phliistine mindset is that, anyway? I enjoy having it, and it fills a useful function in my life, that's what it's worth.

 

[Undertow]

Well, for what it's worth, I think LM and CDot are both right.

(ok, I'm sorry for that one.)

 

[therizyflapper]

i agree with both C-dot and LM. too many people are obsessed with money now and days.
im sorry you experienced that koopkooper, i also wonder why he just didn't ask what it takes to start a radio station rather then just drool on how much money it makes and how he can make that money.
its sad the art of conversation is dieing, iv noticed even the kids in my age group cant manage to remember what is a polite subject or what you just shouldnt say to people and it sad because intelligent conversations are getting harder and harder to find and the vocabulary has lost its grace completely it nice to have people like the people here at the lounge who still know how to keep a great conversation!

 

[scottyrocks]

Any discussion about professions should be about the profession itself. Money is an integral part of such as discussion, but why go into a career if your primary motivation is not the career itself? Sure, we need income to live in this world, but the processes of the career, and more importantly, its rewards of personal satisfaction, are ideally the driving forces of such pursuits.

 

[sheeplady]

I think it would be a totally appropriate question to ask something like "how long do you think it would take for me to fully support myself from this endeavor if I was willing to give X% of my time to it?" But I'd only ask that once I had an established relationship and I had proved to the person I was serious about it. I wouldn't ask them how they did it, or how much they make, or how long it took them. I would establish a mentoring relationship first.

It personally wouldn't bother to get such a question that sounded like a person was concerned about how long they needed to plan for before they knew they could make a living from this type of work. I get questions all the time from students who want to run their own business. In consulting it's 18-36 months before you'll see a check that you need to figure out how to support yourself. It's important that people know that so that they can save up or work another job to survive. If you need a check in the first 6 months, perhaps you make it, but it's better to be prepared. You won't survive if you don't have a plan.

I've never had a student ask how much I was paid. I have willingly shared what I charged and what my basic costs were. But I never shared how many hours I billed or how much I took home a year. I also am not in competition with these students but in the position of educating them, so I'm a little more free with my information. I would be offended if my students asked how much I made.

 

[C-dot]

It's the same mindset that leads people to look at some vintage item in your home -- a radio, an appliance, a clock, a book, or what have you -- and have their first question be "what's that worth?"

"What's it worth??" What kind of phliistine mindset is that, anyway? I enjoy having it, and it fills a useful function in my life, that's what it's worth.

I get that all. the. time. Especially about my collector Barbie's - "Wow, what a collection! Those are worth money!" There is no other reason why I would collect them...?

I think it would be a totally appropriate question to ask something like "how long do you think it would take for me to fully support myself from this endeavor if I was willing to give X% of my time to it?" But I'd only ask that once I had an established relationship and I had proved to the person I was serious about it. I wouldn't ask them how they did it, or how much they make, or how long it took them. I would establish a mentoring relationship first.

I understand where you're coming from, but do you think that mentoring is (or should be) more about the profession itself, like scottyrocks says? If someone is out there just to make money, like the person behind the OP's e-mail, I shouldn't think it would matter to them what they did, especially not enough to need a mentor to become good at it.

 

[Stanley Doble]

There used to be a Canadian media personality named Gordon Sinclair who was famous for his bluntness. One of his favorite interview questions was "how much money do you make?".

He was often accused of asking how much money someone has, which he denied indignantly. He regarded the question of how much someone makes, or is paid, a legitimate question for a public figure but the question of net worth as nobody's business.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I don't even do that, unless I know they think the same as me on Religion, I bother little with Politics. Both subjects with people who don't agree, even among friends, can lead to hurt feelings.

I think Religion and Politics are great discussions to have - in a group of friends.

Welcome to the world of Pawn Stars, American Pickers, Storage Wars, and Antiques Roadshow. If you own it, you must be out to make a buck, right? Or you're just some rube they're gonna try to scam out of it, if you don't put a value on it (Mike and Frank are on their way, Lizzie )

It's the same mindset that leads people to look at some vintage item in your home -- a radio, an appliance, a clock, a book, or what have you -- and have their first question be "what's that worth?"

"What's it worth??" What kind of phliistine mindset is that, anyway? I enjoy having it, and it fills a useful function in my life, that's what it's worth.

 

[Pompidou]

Since my cafe opened, I've gotten more suggestions on what I need to do if I want to make money (serve alcohol) than requests for how much my cafe makes. I'm usually fairly honest in either case - bills are being paid, but salaries have room for improvement. Those are the breaks for a new startup, so I'm not uncomfortable talking about it at this stage of the game.

 

[Edward]

I get that all. the. time. Especially about my collector Barbie's - "Wow, what a collection! Those are worth money!" There is no other reason why I would collect them...?

did you pick up the Hard Rock Barbie? (I think that's the name...) Patricia Day is suing Mattel over that one as she claims (with, I think, a reasonable level of plausibility) that it appropriates her image without permission.

 

[sheeplady]

I understand where you're coming from, but do you think that mentoring is (or should be) more about the profession itself, like scottyrocks says? If someone is out there just to make money, like the person behind the OP's e-mail, I shouldn't think it would matter to them what they did, especially not enough to need a mentor to become good at it.

I think it is a totally reasonable question to ask a mentor if you can make a living in the field you are being mentored by them in. In this case it is not asking the mentor what they make or how they made it, but an honest appraisal from the mentor based upon their knowledge of the mentoree's skills and work ethic combined with the mentor's knowledge of the field and opportunities. I'd actually give a strong side eye to any mentor who was asked for such an appraisal and sidestepped the question. You don't start a mentoring relationship (something that if successful can last from years to a lifetime) unless you're willing to be open and do your best to make sure that your mentoree is successful. Even if that means you have to deliver the tough news of "You ain't cut out for this field, kid, because..." All I'm pointing out is that some questions (if phrased appropriately and in the correct context) are ok to ask a mentor who you have an established relationship with.

Now, of course, it doesn't sound like the original email/ discussion was seeking a mentor and was just seeking competitive advantage information. That's not what a mentoree does. I think it's insulting.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Welcome to the world of Pawn Stars, American Pickers, Storage Wars, and Antiques Roadshow. If you own it, you must be out to make a buck, right? Or you're just some rube they're gonna try to scam out of it, if you don't put a value on it (Mike and Frank are on their way, Lizzie )

Let 'em come. I'm ready for them.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

You just made my day, moreso than you'll ever know!

Let 'em come. I'm ready for them.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

did you pick up the Hard Rock Barbie? (I think that's the name...) Patricia Day is suing Mattel over that one as she claims (with, I think, a reasonable level of plausibility) that it appropriates her image without permission.

I collect Barbies and I have this one. The upright bass is what makes it Patricia Day-esque. Other than that, PD might have to sue 80% of the rockabilly scene. And she'll have to do some retro-suing of Bettie Page, too....lol

 

[John in Covina]

Don't ask because you won't like the answer

This week I received an email from a listener who wanted to know whether or not I make any money out of my radio show and asking me all manner of questions about how I make a buck. He wanted to know how he could achieve a similar way of life.

It always amazes me how people can often ask the most personal questions and are often surprised if you are short or angry at them. If you do stray into those areas that are likely to offend or embarrass then simply back out and move onto something else. All those involved in the conversation will be pleased that you did. There are some things you just never bring up.

There are generational differences as to what people will think they can ask that is personal. Today people are posting a tremendous amout of personal information on line and are updating constantly what they are doing, how they feel about stuff and intimate details of their relationships. Some people may simply think nothing should be off the table since they see everything discussed on Jerry Springer and there are all sorts of How to Books that are out on TV - they can't understand that you would not want to make the details of your business available to them. Some people have no concept of business competition others have no sense of value to ideas like the people that think that there should be no intellectual property rights. "There is no cost to these things it's all supposed to be free man!"

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

I get that all. the. time. Especially about my collector Barbie's - "Wow, what a collection! Those are worth money!" There is no other reason why I would collect them...?

Sounds like one of my neighbors. No matter what the topic is about he always manages to steer the conversation to how to make a buck on it.

 

[therizyflapper]

Sounds like one of my neighbors. No matter what the topic is about he always manages to steer the conversation to how to make a buck on it.

i know alot of people like that, all they care about is what something is worth or how they can made money somehow. its sad because greed is becomeing more and more common, for example at the vintage swap-meet i go to, allot of the vintage dealers there dont really care about the item itself, they just want to make as much money off it if as they can, even if they know they are ripping you off. there was a man there and he had a vinatge stole for sale, it was in pretty rough condition but i has a soft spot for stoles so i asked how much he wanted and he said $45 i though that was a big steep for the condition the item was in so i politely pointed out the where the fur was starting to shed away and the cracked eyes, but he didnt take that took kindly and just said "im not going any lower period" so i left and i ended up finding a different stole in great condition for just $40 a few booths down and it made me realize the difference in the two vintage dealers, the lady that sold me the excellent stole for $40 didnt really care about the money, she just wanted to see it go to a good home, but the other fella that didn't get my business just cared about the money and not the actual item itself.
its sad how greedy society is becoming