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Clean Jokes

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2jakes

I'll Lock Up
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9,680
Location
Alamo Heights ☀️ Texas
A clean joke ---! :oops:
2li7fjd.jpg
 
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2jakes

I'll Lock Up
Messages
9,680
Location
Alamo Heights ☀️ Texas

A husband explains to his wife one day,

"Your butt is getting really big.
Its bigger than the BBQ grill!

Later that night in bed, the husband makes
some advances towards his wife who completely
brushes him off. "Whats wrong? he asks.

She answers,

"Do you really think
I
m going to fire up
this big-arse grill for
one little weenie?
:D
 

nice hat dude!

One Too Many
Messages
1,168
Location
Lumby,B.C. Canada
So I'm at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog food for my dog. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in inte
nsive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.
 

GHT

I'll Lock Up
Messages
9,775
Location
New Forest
Most People Don’t Realize, But
This is How To Clean the cat.

2rnzx42.jpg


1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of
pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry
him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, place the cat in the
toilet and close the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate. You may need to stand
on the lid and give the cat time to make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the
cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides
a
power-wash and rinse.

6. Have someone open the front door of the house.
Be sure that there are no people or animals between
the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as possible, and

quickly open the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak
through the bathroom and out the front door.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be
sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
I love Polo....


Really!
2agp6ye.png
cat.jpg
 

GHT

I'll Lock Up
Messages
9,775
Location
New Forest
An elderly couple are both having some short term memory loss.
While in for a checkup, the physician says that physically they’re okay, but since they’re having trouble remembering things, they might want to start writing things down.
Later that evening they’re sitting and reading, when the husband gets up.
“Would you like anything from the kitchen?” he asks.
“Some vanilla ice cream,” his wife replies.
“Okay.”
“Shouldn’t you write it down so you don’t forget it?” she asks.
“Don’t worry, I won’t forget.”
“Well,” she says. “A few raspberries on top would be great. You want to write that down?”
“I’ve got it, honey. A bowl of vanilla ice cream with raspberries on top.”
“And chocolate sauce, too. Maybe you’ll forget that. Want me to write it down for you?”
A little miffed, he replies, “I’ve got it! Ice cream, raspberries and chocolate sauce. I don’t need it written down, for gosh sakes!”
He waddles out to the the kitchen. A half hour later, he comes back with a plate of ham and scrambled eggs, and gives it to his wife.
She stares at the plate a few seconds, then says, “You forgot my toast.”
 
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