WONK: the Chaos Reigns Players

[carter]

Just within the narrative. As in "last seen with, etc."
Not in any deragatory way.
If you'd prefer not, I completely understand.

 

[Salv]

Oh, that's fine.

As you were, gents.

 

[carter]

Thank you sir.

 

[carter]

Our story will continue this Friday evening.

Meanwhile, ponder this:

What is DT doing with:

and

Why does Dash need:

and

Why does zaika:

Not know her code? And...carry:

when she leaves

to go to the

Where is Monsieur Marc Chevalier and why will all the players rendevous at:

in...

These and many more inane questions will be answered as our plot continues to unravel this Friday evening on WONK.

 

[carter]

Meanwhile, back in CRPHQUK:

Has DB located:

and why?
Some

his

and

Milo?

Why has carter left:

in his

to go

in the

AND....has a certain Aussie been located for possible off-shore retrievel?

All this and even less, this Friday evening on, WONK.

 

[carter]

Goodnight, David.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

This thread is like a Rube Goldberg device: I have to keep coming back to see what other devices may be triggered.

After finding the genesis of this thread in yet another, and reading through what I could find of it (one can never be certain they're reading the right posts when they're as detached from each other and from reality as these have proven to be), I've come to the conclusion that it is all rubbish and that "Let us start at the beginning, sir" is an absolute impossibility, as there doesn't seem to be any discernable beginning to it whatsoever, thus adding an M. C. Escher quality to it, as well. So, I decided it was time to begin afresh and start at the end, reading the story backward as I read each portion forward. (Why, oh why, does that make sense?)

But before beginning anew, I deemed it necessary to alleviate any further confusion on my part by leaving what little sanity and intellect I currently possess with the hat check girl (two-dollar tip) and re-entering with a slightly lighter wallet and a completely empty head - not too difficult a proposition for me, of course - and in my new state of thinklessness, I found that laughing at Carter's photographic trail of bread crumbs became a much easier task to accomplish. Success! I laughed my fool head off while viewing these prints and reading each attached caption, and my level of temporary insanity grew with each vision and syllable, respectively. Bravo, Carter! Excellent work! Keep it up! Pip, pip and tally ho!

In conclusion: When it comes right down to it, I have learned that this thread is child's play once you allow yourself to think like one - another not too difficult proposition for me, naturally.

Now if you'll excuse me, my fool head has rolled into a corner and I must retrieve it before the cockroaches can establish a foothold in one of my eye sockets. I can already see their pitchforks and torches propped up against the side of my nose.


Lee
__________________________

Of course I'll be back.

 

[carter]

lol lol lol lol lol

"How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different, But if I'm not the same, the next question is, "Who in the world am I?" Ah, that's the great puzzle!"

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

 

[zaika]

OOOOOH. i have a GUN?

 

[carter]

OOOOOhhh, you do.

The rest, as they say, is up to you. :fedora:

 

[dashiell]

Rations! Splendid. I have the Last Loaf of Wonder Bread in Southern CA!

 

[zaika]

too bad there are no bullets. i need some meat.

 

[dashiell]

MrNewportCustom,

I'll be glad to escort you to the beginning, but I've come round from the end to more thoroughly examine the middle, which seems to be misplaced, so I'll get back to you after I've found it. I suspect Carter of putting it into the pocket of his Sunday suit last Thursday, but don't tell him or he'll send it to the cleaner's.

Dash
Hat Check Girl
(I checked ... nice hat.)

 

[MrNewportCustom]

Keep a keen eeyee on Carteer. (Sorry. I got a little carrieed away.) If he leaves the premises, contact me immediately, as he may very well be headed for the laundry. If so, I'll sneak up behind him and pick his pocket for the middle (Earth?) of the story in which we currently find ourselves entwined. (Entwined and entdined, maybe?) But whatever you do, don't tell him! Tell who? Tel Aviv! Teluride! Tell all! NO! Don't tell all, and don't tell Carter, either! We don't want him to suspect anything! But do go tell it on the mountain! SHH!! (If I can't find the middle, I'll bring you back some pocket lint. I hear it's good for replacing worn-out belly button lint.)

The only thing that puts me in a dizzying quandary is why he would wear the suit he's about to have laundered to the laundry? Does he sit waiting in the lobby wearing nothing but his undershorts, socks and sock garters? Does he hide in the lavatory? Does he layer? Is the suit wash-n-wear? Do enquiring minds want to know? We have photos! Extrie, extrie! Carter goes to laundry with one suit! No loose change is found in his pockets! Only rolls. Hot, buttered rolls with jam. Very sticky! Ready for the Biz bag! (Carter says the steam is toasty warm.)

As for me, I'm completely out of charm. I'll pick some up on the way to work tomorrow.


Lee
__________________________

Thank you for checking my hat. But did you have to use a grease pencil?

 

[MrNewportCustom]

"How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the night?

Query: Have you been changed in the night? Was your nappy wet? I remember when I used to wake up in a waterbed. Never went to sleep in one, though. Odd. Define "usual." Show your work on the other side of the page, and let us know when you change back. (Front and sides not applicable. Apply in person. No experience needed.)

Miss Dash (Or is it Mrs. Dash! ) You are a spicy one, but I'll thank you to not be my tour guide on Mr. Toad's Mild Ride, as the last time I attempted such a feat, the rails kept falling out from under me, and I'm no good without rails, especially without a rail car. But, I have become quite proficient at driving without training wheels. The trick is to keep all four tires on the ground! Took me thirteen years and one hundred and thirty-six cars to figure that out! (You'd think someone would have told me! ) Maybe if Mr. T's (Toad, that is) ride was a bit wilder, I'd accept your kindly offer. But for now I'll manage on my own, sitting right here in the middle of nowhere, looking at nothing in particular, listening to something or other, chewing on my toenails. (Can't find my clipper. Sloop seems to have gone missing, too.)


Lee
_________________________

Oh darn! My train of thought's been derailed again.

 

[dashiell]

Miss Dash (Or is it Mrs. Dash! ) You are a spicy one, but I'll thank you to not be my tour guide on Mr. Toad's Mild Ride, as the last time I attempted such a feat, the rails kept falling out from under me, and I'm no good without rails, especially without a rail car. But, I have become quite proficient at driving without training wheels. The trick is to keep all four tires on the ground! Took me thirteen years and one hundred and thirty-six cars to figure that out! (You'd think someone would have told me! ) Maybe if Mr. T's (Toad, that is) ride was a bit wilder, I'd accept your kindly offer. But for now I'll manage on my own, sitting right here in the middle of nowhere, looking at nothing in particular, listening to something or other, chewing on my toenails. (Can't find my clipper. Sloop seems to have gone missing, too.)


Lee
_________________________

Oh darn! My train of thought's been derailed again.

It's Miss Dash, because I believe in salt, you see, and am therefore ineligible; I'm quite confident in it, although it's lost some self-esteem in recent years and is in need of reassurance. Never fear, good sir, there is no need to thank me for the escort, as I serve a greater purpose from the left, despite the fact that it prefers thyme and only tolerates salt. If you take issue with the rails falling from under you I'm sure we could arrange to have them fall on top of you, though this may incur a slight fee. An extravagance and a bit of an inconvenience to our other passengers.

Did no one tell you about the tires and the ground? I thought that was in the manual? Or was it an automatic? In Mr Toad's defense, his ride used to be wilder but the m became confused in its later years. I'm sure you could set it back on its feet with a stern talking-to. In any event, it's not a good idea to sit in the middle of nowhere; you might be run over.

Do let me know if you would like thyme for those toenails.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

Do let me know if you would like thyme for those toenails.

I need all the thyme I can get, because, as I've already mentioned, my clipper vamoosed. Besides, I prefer them with either ketchup or catsup. You decide.

Hmm . . . falling rails could prove problematic, not to mention painful. I'm not into pain: it hurts! And even with as slight a fee as you're charging, Miss Ineligible - er, Dash, it would be prohibitively expensive for me, as I've already paid for the hat check, and now I must pay for a cleaning, as well, to get the check off my hat (maybe I'll follow Carter into the laundry), and my wallet keeps getting thinner and thinner by the minute, working its way to becoming quite minute and pretty darned close to two-dimentional, so I'd appreciate you removing your fingers from my financial assets, so to speak, especially considering the location of my wallet, or else I'll be forced to slam my briefcase closed on your hand. So there! The other passengers are on their own, as far as rails are concerned, and can pay their own entry fee. No cutting in line, please.

Wasn't salt some sort of treaty back in my younger days? Back when I was carefree and full of wimsy? (Do pardon me, I had radishes with my salad.) Interesting how salt can go from being something governmental to being something that distresses a persons blood pressure. Actually, it isn't all that odd. I can easily see how both have the same effect. Maybe I need a vacation.

The only thing I knew about the tire/ground continuum was that the ground ground away the tires as the tires went round and round, never ceasing until a K.O. in the twelfth round, and that was how rubber trees were made. Naturally, I assumed they knew what they were doing.

Zaika: The best way to keep a loaded gun in the house is to never put any actual bullets in it. So, you're already ahead of the game. Do not pass "Go", do not collect two hundred smackers. Some experts recommend keeping the bullets in an entirely different room, such as a lavatory in Portugal. (More on lavatories later.) That is assuming, of course, that you don't actually live in Portugal. Other experts, those experts who know nothing about fireflies, anyway, suggest that you don't even keep bullets of the same caliber as the gun in your Portugal lavatory. . . Or is it the other way around, Don't keep bullets of the same caliber as your lavatory in Portugal? (More on lavatories later.) Or is it, Don't keep the same caliber lavatory as the Portugese army? (More on the Portugese Army on The Learning Channel.) I don't know, I'm confusing myself and everything is spinning round and round. At any rate, extensive testing has proven that a small caliber handgun is very effective for clearing a clogged toilet, but they still, after all these years, recommend against using number 10 lock washers for target practice, as it's almost completely impossible to tell if you've actually sent lead through the center of any one of them. (That's it for lavatories. We hope this helped.)


Lee
_____________________________

As for me, I'm completely out of thyme. I'll pick up an alarm clock on my way to work tomorrow. Need any parsley, sage or rosemary? I heard that Simon and Garfunkle albums are on sale.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

By the way: I left my monocle in Carter's pocket. If you find it, Carter, would you kindly return it? It should be next to the middle.

(Sorry, Miss Dash, I failed to get the middle.)


Lee
____________________________

Hanging head in shame.

 

[Diamondback]

And now, this brief commercial message from our sponsor.

"Monocle stolen, willing to pay handsomely for safe return of same. Call 555-GEEK if you have any information about this heinous crime."

 

[dashiell]

And now, this brief commercial message from our sponsor.

"Monocle stolen, willing to pay handsomely for safe return of same. Call 555-GEEK if you have any information about this heinous crime."

HEY! Why are you giving out my number, DB?? It's supposed to be unlisted!