WONK: the Chaos Reigns Players

[carter]

No, Carter, I'm applying a telekinetic choke to Kilroy's problem macaw, it's a type of parrot.

If you think that boxcar's a problem, I can whack it...

Anyone know how I turn these crappy rocket-pods on? Darn Cold War-era Soviet surplus...

There MUST be another AVIAN Agent aflutter. Be vewy cawtious.

I don't know about that boxcar. It could be an entire hoard of mutant eggs. YES, DB, you must eliminate the boxcar.

I hope Bertha isn't in there.

Where are those cabooses? We must have them airborne before this episode ends.

 

[Diamondback]

Bertha? Who's Bertha?

Problem, I whack that boxcar and that cuts the train in half right there, endangers your "precious cargo". Never mind my pair of tactical nukes a few cars back waiting for pickup...

 

[carter]

I was able to lure the attack Macaw away from the cage with his favourite, some eggnog. After getting him blotto, he admitted to me that he really didn't want to guard the cabooses, and that's why he turned on us and stole "THE BIRD". However, when I went back to the cage to retrieve "THE BIRD", I found it was being guarded by the attack Macaw's lieutenant, Osama Bin Lovebird, aka "the feathered buzzsaw". I have to re-think my strategy.

Kilroy, by my count, that makes at least three AVIAN Agents, the attack Macaw, the parrot being choked by DB, and Osama Bin Lovebird! You are in danger of being overflown!

Initiate an EXIT Strategy post haste!

REPEAT: Initiate an EXIT STRATEGY!

You must rescue the cabooses at all costs!

Let us not fail and become ignomious little men and women with eggs on our faces!

 

[zaika]

wait!! i made a hatch and i'm STILL IN THE FREAKING BOX CAR!!!

 

[carter]

Bertha? Who's Bertha?

Problem, I whack that boxcar and that cuts the train in half right there, endangers your "precious cargo". Never mind my pair of tactical nukes a few cars back waiting for pickup...

Move all allies forward of the boxcar while luring the AVIAN Agents into same boxcar. Once they are all in the boxcar, you will hjave them caged.
Then destroy the boxcar and extract Zaika, Kilroy, and cabooses.

 

[zaika]

okay...i'm out...but only with the help of amelia birdbrain. she flew me outta there...but the other birds got her!! thank god i was able to catch on to DB's chopper landing thingys with my ax.

 

[carter]

wait!! i made a hatch and i'm STILL IN THE FREAKING BOX CAR!!!

Quick! You are in the midst of deadly AVIAN Agents.
You must stealthily extricate yourself and move forward.
Take the hatch with you.
Be swift, be quiet, when this is all over, you can take a beak.

 

[zaika]

Quick! You are in the midst of deadly AVIAN Agents.
You must stealthily extricate yourself and move forward.
Take the hatch with you.
Be swift, be quiet, when this is all over, you can take a beak.

i don't think my exit was stealthy

 

[KilroyCD]

You say THE BIRD is a decoy???

So I gather I've been wasting my time trying to rescue THE BIRD from the attack Macaw, Osama Bin Lovebird and their henchmen, all the while the cabooses (who I hired the attack Macaw to guard in the first palce) are still MISSING? Good gawd, I've made a right cock-up of it, haven't I? I'll admit, I had a wee bit too much of the spiked egg-nog as well, so like the attack Macaw, I'm legless. Exiting might be difficult...

 

[Diamondback]

Kilroy, if you can evac everyone to the rear of the last car, I'll do the rest once I deal with these birds out here, take out that boxcar and secure my cargo. Hold on, and hope y'all brought your lead underwear...

*switches chopper autopilot on, pops hatch, carefully working back to shotgun stashed in the cargo hold...*

Narrator: Will our intrepid serpent get to his shotgun and dispatch the world's most-wanted avian terrorist? Or will he end up falling to his end as just a smear on the landscape? Tune in for our next post, coming in just a few short minutes...

 

[carter]

okay...i'm out...but only with the help of amelia birdbrain. she flew me outta there...but the other birds got her!! thank god i was able to catch on to DB's chopper landing thingys with my ax.

Alas, poor Amelia Brainbird. I knew her Horatio. A bird of most excellent fancy. Why she hath borne me on her back a thou....hmmm, well...sad, so very sad.

What of Kilroy and the cabooses?

Is extraction upon us?

By St. Albatross, when this is over, the AVIANS will rue the day...

 

[zaika]

zaika has sprouted wings. repeat: zaika has sprouted wings.

 

[carter]

So I gather I've been wasting my time trying to rescue THE BIRD from the attack Macaw, Osama Bin Lovebird and their henchmen, all the while the cabooses (who I hired the attack Macaw to guard in the first palce) are still MISSING? Good gawd, I've made a right cock-up of it, haven't I? I'll admit, I had a wee bit too much of the spiked egg-nog as well, so like the attack Macaw, I'm legless. Exiting might be difficult...

Forward Man, Forward!
Time enough for recrimination afterward!
Find the cabooses and get hoisted!
DB and Zaika await your arrival!
Destruction of train is imminent!
TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!

 

[carter]

zaika has sprouted wings. repeat: zaika has sprouted wings.

Will Wonders Never Cease?

Praise St. Albatross! (lifts arms toward the heavens)

 

[KilroyCD]

DB, thanks for the "heads-up". As soon as I can get my wobbly legs working again (darn that egg-nog!) I'll get to the back. Wait, aren't you talking about taking out the boxcar, which is in the MIDDLE of the train?!? What am I going to do in the BACK of the train?!?

 

[carter]

DB, thanks for the "heads-up". As soon as I can get my wobbly legs working again (darn that egg-nog!) I'll get to the back. Wait, aren't you talking about taking out the boxcar, which is in the MIDDLE of the train?!? What am I going to do in the BACK of the train?!?

I believe he means the back of the car forward of the boxcar!

Extricate! Conflagration is nearly upon you!

RUN MAN! RUN!

 

[KilroyCD]

I believe he means the back of the car forward of the boxcar!

Now you tell me, as I've almost reached the caboose. WAIT! I think I see the cabooses in the caboose! Now I kow I'm blotto. That made sense to me.

 

[carter]

Now you tell me, as I've almost reached the caboose. WAIT! I think I see the cabooses in the caboose! Now I kow I'm blotto. That made sense to me.

(grasps head in consternation and disbelief)

BOLLOCKS!

DB, You must sever the train post-boxcar!
REPEAT: POST-BOXCAR!

Zaika has wings.

FLY BOY! FLY!

 

[Diamondback]

No, Kilroy, I mean all the way to the rear of the train, just in case that boxcar's got volatiles aboard, or I inadvertently score an own-goal on my own nukes...

Zaika sprouting wings? They got her! She's infected with some kind of virus! Run for it, Kilroy!

Oh, looks like some kind of improvised hang-glider. Never mind...

*muscles into cargo-hold, secures safety line, grabs a shotgun in each hand and starts dealing out avian death*

That's right, OBB--come get some! *OBB eats two shells full of buckshot, and feathers fall from the sky like rain*

 

[KilroyCD]

No, I must have been seeing things. They're not there. I'm trying, working my way slowly to get back to the boxcar as I'm about 15 cars back. DB - don't attack the until I get north of the boxcar, but I must pass Osama Bin Lovebird and his al-Quail henchmen before I can get there.