What is it to be a gentleman?

[WEEGEE]

What are your thoughts on what a gentleman be?

What is it to be a gentleman? Is it to be honest, to be gentle, to be generous, to be brave, to be wise, and, possessing all these qualities, to exercise them in the most graceful outward manner? Ought a gentleman to be a loyal son, a true husband, an honest father? Ought his life to be decent, his bills to be paid, his taste to be high and elegant, his aims in life lofty and noble?
- William Makepeace Thackeray

Gentleman is a term which does not apply to any station, but to the mind and the feelings in every station.
- Sir Thomas Noon Talfourd (Talford)

We may daily discover crowds acquire sufficient wealth to buy gentility, but very few that possess the virtues which ennoble human nature, and (in the best sense of the word) constitute a gentleman.
- William Shenstone

 

[vonwotan]

We were always taught that a gentleman makes those arround him feel welcome and comfortable and, chooses elegance over flash when dressing for an occasion.

 

[lyburnum]

In my mind a gentleman is someone that is polite, well-mannered, honest and well dressed, who puts others before himself but doesn't compromise on his beliefs.

On a sort of similar subject, I bought my fiance 'Don't For Husbands' as a bit of a joke, but then reading through it I started to realise that actually what it was saying made sense - and it'd be lovely if more men had those sorts of manners in modern society

 

[zaika]

We were always taught that a gentleman makes those arround him feel welcome and comfortable and, chooses elegance over flash when dressing for an occasion.

i agree with you. i can't tell you how often i feel ill at ease around men...it's such a shock when a gentleman comes out of the woodwork and treats me like a person. lol

 

[Mojave Jack]

I think first and foremost a gentleman always acts with honor and integrity. Second, a gentleman exhibits respect and courtesy for those around him.

 

[LizzieMaine]

A gentleman doesn't go around drawing attention to the fact that he's a gentleman. He doesn't *have to.*

 

[reetpleat]

i agree with you. i can't tell you how often i feel ill at ease around men...it's such a shock when a gentleman comes out of the woodwork and treats me like a person. lol

Firstly, I don't even use the word, because it suggest that someone is acting like nobility or the landed gentry. This is pretty offensive to me as money and property have nothing to do with how well you treat someone.

But as far as your example goes, while treating someone with respect and dignity is a good thing, the traditional idea of being a gentleman might be quite counter to treating a woman like " a person" rather than a lady if you will.

In other words, while some women might like to be treated like one of the guys (like a regular person) some women would be quite offended by it.

 

[dr greg]

as they say

I once heard it said that in regard to the fair sex: A gentleman is one who can do what no gentleman would, as only a gentleman could.

 

[ICannotPlayBass]

In other words, while some women might like to be treated like one of the guys (like a regular person) some women would be quite offended by it.

I agree with you, I find that being a gentleman is rather subjective in today's society. To give two fist-hand examples;
1. On campus, I will often hold the push open doors for the person(s) behind me, or I will hold the pull open doors to permit the person(s) behind me to enter first. Sometimes I will get a thank you or a nod, somethings nothing at all, but on two occasions I was told by different females that they are perfectly capable of opening their own doors. To that I could only apologize and chuckle to myself.
2. I used to use ma'am when dealing with a female who I did not know on a first name basis until I was told not to more than a handful of times. Apparently, what I view as a word of respect is viewed by others as a sign of their age. So referring to a lady in her 30-40s as ma'am made her feel as though she was her mother's age.

*I wanted to add a little disclaimer to this; by presenting the examples, I did not meant to insinuate that I am, or was being a gentleman, rather I think that I was simply carrying out manners that were instilled in me as a youth. I have found that scenarios such as these to be enlightening since, to me, they are clear indicators that each individual has their own guidelines for another individual should act. I guess that I was throwing them out there as support for why I believe that being a gentleman is subjective.

 

[WEEGEE]

Very Good Responses!

I like the examples of due gentlemanliness.


More stories please...

 

[zaika]

Firstly, I don't even use the word, because it suggest that someone is acting like nobility or the landed gentry. This is pretty offensive to me as money and property have nothing to do with how well you treat someone.

But as far as your example goes, while treating someone with respect and dignity is a good thing, the traditional idea of being a gentleman might be quite counter to treating a woman like " a person" rather than a lady if you will.

In other words, while some women might like to be treated like one of the guys (like a regular person) some women would be quite offended by it.

Very good points. For me though...being treated like a regular person means being treated as though I exist and have feelings. My personal experiences have been largely negative...so I don't ask for much. Frankly, though...being treated like "one of the guys" really is offensive if they're being crude.

 

[Mr. Lucky]

Alright, I've been mulling this over most of the day. There is the general idea of what being a gentlman means - the implication of to the manner born or some such.

Then there's the idea that a gentleman is one who holds doors for ladies, pulls out the chair, etc.

And the last that I can think of is the gentleman who is dresses well, is stylish and manages his carriage with a certain amount of panache.

But I don't believe my idea of a gentleman to be any of those - although some parts do apply. I'm not of upper class. And while I do have manners, I am also known to use...rough language in the presence of women. And while I do enjoy a good suit and a nice hat, I have my own style, which many would not consider of the daper sort.

So, what is a gentleman? Well, I have to look to those I admire and whom I consider true gentleman and what traits of theirs do I attempt to emulate? And it really comes down to two simple attributes: honor and humility. Those two qualities seem to be omnipresent in the men whose cues - mostly in the living department - I take my gentlemanliness from. I guess there is one simple word that sums it all up for me: character.

Fame is vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is character. - Horace Greely

That, as I believe, is a gentleman.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

A well-dressed, well-mannered, polished man who is sophisticated, charming and clever but lacks courtesy and a conscience is nothing but a sociopath.

To me, a gentleman is a fellow who will respect himself enough to make the best of what he has, whether personal assets or outer resources. He will treat others with dignity and courtesy, especially when no one else is looking.

 

[pigeon toe]

Firstly, I don't even use the word, because it suggest that someone is acting like nobility or the landed gentry. This is pretty offensive to me as money and property have nothing to do with how well you treat someone.

But as far as your example goes, while treating someone with respect and dignity is a good thing, the traditional idea of being a gentleman might be quite counter to treating a woman like " a person" rather than a lady if you will.

In other words, while some women might like to be treated like one of the guys (like a regular person) some women would be quite offended by it.

I definitely agree with you on the first part. I don't like the fact being a gentleman always seems to have something to do with "fine taste" or "elegance", which in my eyes, always has to do with wealth. My boyfriend is working class and is more of a "gentleman" than most men I've met in my life.

Something I think that is important to qualify being a gentleman when it comes to behaving around women is wholeheartedly listening to them and taking interest in what they are saying. So many of my boyfriend's friends are so macho and won't even directly speak to me or acknowledge my presence. My boyfriend is the only guy who will talk to the ladies in the group and join in on our conversations (which, trust me, aren't all about hair and makeup and celebrities). It makes us feel important, instead of just being on the sidelines of the male shenanigans and excitement.

In regards to being treated as a "regular person" aka a male in your words -- does that mean us women are irregular? I thought Freud was dead?

 

[Diamondback]

A well-dressed, well-mannered, polished man who is sophisticated, charming and clever but lacks courtesy and a conscience is nothing but a sociopath.

HEYHEYHEY!!! There are sociopaths who have consciences, one of them is this poster. :rage: Not many, I'll agree with you, but there are a few of us.

And on definition of "gentleman", even though it's heavily tied to the obligations of a military officer, I believe George Patton said it best:

In the days of chivalry, the golden age of our profession, knights(officers) were noted as well for courtesy and being gentle benefactors of the weak and oppressed. From their acts of courtesy and benevolence was derived the word, now pronounced as one, "gentle man." ... Let us be gentle. That is courteous and considerate for the rights of others. Let us be men. That is fearless and untiring in doing our duty as we see it.

--George Patton, The Obligation of Being an Officer, Oct.1919​

 

[PrettySquareGal]

HEYHEYHEY!!! There are sociopaths who have consciences, one of them is this poster. :rage: Not many, I'll agree with you, but there are a few of us.

No, that's incorrect. A sociopath, by nature, does not have a conscience as in shows no regard for the well-being of others. At least by the clinical definition. I am not addressing you, personally.

Edit: Actually, I just gave this some thought. You are right. All have a conscience, it's just that some don't use it to guide their decision-making.

 

[scotrace]

Exemplary gentlemen worth emulating.

 

[imoldfashioned]

I once heard it said that in regard to the fair sex: A gentleman is one who can do what no gentleman would, as only a gentleman could.

I've never heard this one--very clever.

 

[Twitch]

Being a gentleman is defined by good manners primarily. You know what that means. It has absolutely nothing to do with station in life, clothing or physical looks either. Over my life I've met quite a few gentlemen who didn't own a suit, may have been plain or even ugly chaps even having snarled, bad teeth.

 

[HungaryTom]

A status that entitles to nothing but obliges to everything.