What is it to be a gentleman?

[Jovan]

A gentleman does not need to be someone of wealth, nor someone who dresses in a suit or sport coat all the time, nor someone who is old fashioned in his beliefs about women, or calls everyone sir or ma'am all the time. He simply needs to show respect to everyone, regardless of sex or anything else that ultimately doesn't matter in the end. He knows to dress up for an occasion. He knows when to not give a damn and when he damn well ought to give a damn!

That, to me, is a gentleman.

 

[PeeWee]

Being considerate usually does the job

 

[kbadr]

This is somewhat related to this discussion, so I'll put it here instead of starting a new thread.

What does a gentleman do in the following situation?

I walked my girlfriend back to her car last night a little before midnight. It being Halloween, there were lots of drunk men and women in ridiculous "sexy" costumes about. As we were standing at her car, a couple men walked by and I saw my girlfriend's eyes widen as they walked past. Apparently one of them pinched/touched her butt. I know this only because she immediately told them off. The rude jackass had the nerve (or necessary blood-alcohol level) to stand there and argue that he was "just saying hi."

I was pretty much in awe of the stupidity. I was also resisting lunging at the dude because he had a friend with him and, to be honest, each of them easily out-weighed me by at least 100 pounds.

So, what's a gentleman to do? It seems like a lose-lose situation to me. Either I pounce on the rude passerby, and I risk seeming like an out-of-control thug, or I do nothing and I risk seeming like I don't actual have any desire to do anything about the situation. Similar situations have happened once or twice throughout my life, and I'm never sure what the appropriate reaction is. Any thoughts? I welcome the ladies in particular to chime in on this one.

I can tell you one thing, though. I feel justified in my habit habit of escorting women to their cars at night.

 

[Feraud]

This is somewhat related to this discussion, so I'll put it here instead of starting a new thread.

What does a gentleman do in the following situation?

I walked my girlfriend back to her car last night a little before midnight. It being Halloween, there were lots of drunk men and women in ridiculous "sexy" costumes about. As we were standing at her car, a couple men walked by and I saw my girlfriend's eyes widen as they walked past. Apparently one of them pinched/touched her butt. I know this only because she immediately told them off. The rude jackass had the nerve (or necessary blood-alcohol level) to stand there and argue that he was "just saying hi."

I was pretty much in awe of the stupidity. I was also resisting lunging at the dude because he had a friend with him and, to be honest, each of them easily out-weighed me by at least 100 pounds.

So, what's a gentleman to do? It seems like a lose-lose situation to me. Either I pounce on the rude passerby, and I risk seeming like an out-of-control thug, or I do nothing and I risk seeming like I don't actual have any desire to do anything about the situation. Similar situations have happened once or twice throughout my life, and I'm never sure what the appropriate reaction is. Any thoughts? I welcome the ladies in particular to chime in on this one.

Since you are outnumbered and outweighed you are excused if you choose to sucker punch either (or both) of them. The drunker they are the better, their co-ordination will be off.
They might later on reconsider who they say "hi" to.
Idiots and alcohol do not mix.

 

[Ben]

What does a gentleman do in the following situation?

I know this only because she immediately told them off. The rude jackass had the nerve (or necessary blood-alcohol level) to stand there and argue that he was "just saying hi."

I think part of your answer is right there. She told them off and defended herself. You don't want to steal her power to do that.

On the other hand, from your telling of the story, it sounds like your presence might have given her the ability to do that without having them try to continue "the conversation."

You aren't the only one who struggles with this question. But unfortunatelym the answer changes for each situation. The best guide is to use your common sense and do your best to think fast.

There are other complications beyond just whether or not you can handle someone in a physical confrontation. Even if you can, that doesn't mean you can handle the aftermath of cops, courts, and hospitals. Consider the cost beenfit analysis. At this point it was a two minute incident. If you had started swinging, you might have found the rest of your life tied up in that one incident.

Pick your battles, then choose your weapons. Nearly always, I would start with words, and consider physical options the last resort. Ridicule can be surprisingly effective as a corrective. As for dealing with two drunk opponents who outweigh you by 100 pounds each, there are options, even for a smaller person. But you can find those on a martial arts forum.

The important thing, though, is that you haven't let the whole thing steal your strength to continue to do what you know is right, which is walk with friends when it makes sense.

 

[$ally]

"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe." -- John Walter Wayland