The Dumbest Comment I Ever Heard

[The Good]

And JB, long term going to an out of state school might be a good idea. Come up to upstate New York, we could start a club. Short term? I think you ought to just lay it out for them, tell them that you're not going to stop. Or you could tone down the hats a little- work a few more stingies into the rotation. People seem to more readily accept them, and you're still wearing a proper hat. And once they come to accept that they're not going away, go full Federation, full time. Unless you come to like the stingies.

I'm considering the stingy fedoras. I may want to own a light grey 1950s/60s style with a brim shorter than 2 1/2 inches, maybe even 2 inches. That's actually the style I encounter most here in southern California.

 

[ScionPI2005]

My God. This morning, I woke up, but was still lying in bed, half-asleep, as I normally do on my days off of school. Well, I was laying there, and my brothers walk in and take my fedora (not the first time by any means). I can tell, because they were making comments about it in the hallway. If I've heard correctly, they were talking about how they thought that it didn't look good at all on me (I can't say I'm the most handsome man, I'm no Humphrey Bogart, Frank Sinatra, or Cary Grant), then my little sister agreed with them that it didn't look good on me. I also remember hearing them say that fedoras should only ever be worn by so-and-so, probably a rapper that they listen to. I'd hate to say this about my own siblings, but when it comes to the topic of my dress sensibilities, they're a bunch of ignorant fools. While putting my fedora on their heads, they were even imitating and mocking Humphrey Bogart after they had watched some of The Big Sleep. That's not all, after that, they tossed my fedora on the bed that I was sleeping, but I could tell that it landed on the floor. They even left it slightly out of shape...

Now that's just plain inappropriate...

I'm starting to agree with the others in you researching out of state colleges, JB. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I don't think I've ever heard of any "fedora interventions" as horrible as the ones you have described. You need to be your own person, and if anyone tries to squish that from you, they are doing you a real disservice.

 

[yardpup01]

J B, I must say I am most surprised by the responses you've elicited from your family and on your college campus. I've worn my Moonstone Fed IV everyday since I got it. I've only gotten positive comments from others, and haven't even noticed an occasional stare while walking around campus, and I go to Iowa State University! (not exactly a cultural hub) Most common attire are jeans, North Face jackets for the Greeks, flannel and overalls for the ag people, etc. I know of at least two other people on campus who where felt fedoras, one is a doctoral student who wears suits everyday. There's even one guy who wears a tricorne!

My friends may have been more accepting of my hat as I still wear jeans and t-shirts since I don't have the budget for more, spent it all on the hat! My advice, coming from the wizened age 22, is that people grow up fast from high school to college. Not completely, but they do grow up. Give it time and your family will eventually accept and, I hope, come to appreciate your style as an extension of who you are. I think the main thing to keep in mind as fedora wearers, and as self professed gentlemen, is not to look down our nose at the people who wear t-shirts and flat billed baseball caps, for they are no different than the men of the golden ear we idolize. They wear it because it is the style of the times in which they live.

 

[The Good]

J B, I must say I am most surprised by the responses you've elicited from your family and on your college campus. I've worn my Moonstone Fed IV everyday since I got it. I've only gotten positive comments from others, and haven't even noticed an occasional stare while walking around campus, and I go to Iowa State University! (not exactly a cultural hub) Most common attire are jeans, North Face jackets for the Greeks, flannel and overalls for the ag people, etc. I know of at least two other people on campus who where felt fedoras, one is a doctoral student who wears suits everyday. There's even one guy who wears a tricorne!

My friends may have been more accepting of my hat as I still wear jeans and t-shirts since I don't have the budget for more, spent it all on the hat! My advice, coming from the wizened age 22, is that people grow up fast from high school to college. Not completely, but they do grow up. Give it time and your family will eventually accept and, I hope, come to appreciate your style as an extension of who you are. I think the main thing to keep in mind as fedora wearers, and as self professed gentlemen, is not to look down our nose at the people who wear t-shirts and flat billed baseball caps, for they are no different than the men of the golden ear we idolize. They wear it because it is the style of the times in which they live.

OK, for your first paragraph: Wearing the Federation IV is not a problem at all for me, personally, if I'm out in public alone, but I have to admit that I've always been more self-conscious around my immediate, nuclear family. I don't have any problem with strangers who just pass by. I have received most of my compliments from strangers, of course (Fedora Lounge included), so something's definitely working. However, within my own family, they have, for some reason, reservations against it, when it really shouldn't matter.

Second paragraph: you may have a point with the jeans and t-shirt. You're not all that different from everyone else. I still wear jeans often, but I've stopped wearing just t-shirts a long time ago, about a year and a half now, in fact. My family "should" be used to the way I dress, but they aren't quite there yet, and certainly not with the fedoras that they perceive as an outdated 50s thing. On another note, the only family member I know of that even owns a fedora of any sort, is my grandfather who lives near us. He owns a Panama hat, and also a straw Resistol cowboy hat that he bought a long time ago at a rodeo (that was nearly ten years ago). No other family member I know of owns a fedora, and as far as cowboy hats are concerned, he may be the only one too. He's almost never seen in the Panama hat, and I haven't seen him wearing his Resistol straw since that mentioned rodeo, but I always thought it was cool that he bought those and still owns them.

Anyway, I agree, people who wear current clothing such as printed, logo t-shirts, designer jeans, and baseball caps are no better than we are for our fondness of the Golden Age. They are merely wearing what is considered "normal" for their time period, and in a way, I respect this, though that doesn't necessarily float my boat anymore. I prefer the classic styles just about anyday to modern ones.

 

[John in Covina]

When in th herd, one must not stick out and attract the attention of the predators.

 

[Hereward]

That's perhaps why it is better to be one of the predators.

 

[ScottF]

The other night during a pool tournament, a short drunk kept looking up at my hat and drooling that I looked like "that guy in the movies". Finally I said, "Yeah, Harrison Ford". After that he called me "Harrison" throughout the night, which made me want to smash him. Lucky I kept my temper under control as I later found out that back in the '80s he was a ranked professional boxer. I will give him this - I WAS wearing my most Indy-looking fedora.

The next day I wore a big Borso, Hollywood-bashed, hoping an attractive cougar would mistake me for Johnny Depp.

 

[ScottF]

...

I still wear jeans often, but I've stopped wearing just t-shirts a long time ago, about a year and a half now, in fact. My family "should" be used to the way I dress, but they aren't quite there yet, and certainly not with the fedoras that they perceive as an outdated 50s thing.

...

Anyway, I agree, people who wear current clothing such as printed, logo t-shirts, designer jeans, and baseball caps are no better than we are for our fondness of the Golden Age. They are merely wearing what is considered "normal" for their time period, and in a way, I respect this, though that doesn't necessarily float my boat anymore. I prefer the classic styles just about anyday to modern ones.

You are a PERFECT candidate for Seattle - people wear anything they personally want to, not giving a flip what anyone else thinks. When most people have that attitude, they are also going to have respect for others who go just a bit further out on the edge...by wearing a fedora

 

[The Good]

While on the topic of my issue here, I've decided to not wear a fedora to church today (despite seeing at least three other people wearing them ), at least. Basically, what I did was make today a hatless day to ease the tensions a little. Also, to prove my versatility, that I can in fact go without wearing a hat (which wasn't my preference, given the heat). I think I did the right thing, for today. However, tomorrow I may plan on bringing my straw fedora if it's particularly warm as it was today. At least I can have an excuse. We're going to lunch with an out-of-state friend of the family, so I figure it can't hurt to look nice. And to make a big deal out of that, give me a break... I'll keep you all updated. If there's any unusual, irrational behavior coming from my siblings in regards to my fedora, and I'll document it here. This is the dumbest comments thread, after all.

 

[jamespowers]

While on the topic of my issue here, I've decided to not wear a fedora to church today (despite seeing at least three other people wearing them ), at least. Basically, what I did was make today a hatless day to ease the tensions a little. Also, to prove my versatility, that I can in fact go without wearing a hat (which wasn't my preference, given the heat). I think I did the right thing, for today. However, tomorrow I may plan on bringing my straw fedora if it's particularly warm as it was today. At least I can have an excuse. We're going to lunch with an out-of-state friend of the family, so I figure it can't hurt to look nice. And to make a big deal out of that, give me a break... I'll keep you all updated. If there's any unusual, irrational behavior coming from my siblings in regards to my fedora, and I'll document it here. This is the dumbest comments thread, after all.

Siblings do indeed make seriously dumb comments. lol lol lol lol

 

[John in Covina]

The question is are they worried about how your style of dress relfects on you or on them?

 

[jamespowers]

The question is are they worried about how your style of dress relfects on you or on them?

From what I have read, I think the answer would be on them. [huh] :eusa_doh:

 

[ScionPI2005]

The question is are they worried about how your style of dress relfects on you or on them?

From what I have read, I think the answer would be on them.

Agreed. It seems his siblings made it pretty clear they're afraid to be seen in public with him.

 

[DanielJones]

JB, no matter what you do, never compromise yourself. Always be who you are not what others want. Because as soon as you become what they want, they will be happy for a short time but eventually they won't like it. Just be yourself in your hats & clothes that you enjoy. If your siblings want to look like all the other sheep in the world, that is their prerogative, but how dare they thrust their limited vision of the world and how to dress upon you. Besides, you have five years more experience than your next sibling, what do they know at 15?

And for them to mess with your lid is unacceptable. Like they said in Wild Bill, "Never mess with another mans hat!!" I know I've hit a few of my friends for trying to lift a hat off of my head like it was a play toy. They would state that they were only trying to be funny as they massage their sore ribs, to which I would respond, "Well, you failed miserably. Don't quit your day job fool." Now, I'm not saying hit your siblings, but don't let them get away with it lightly either.

Again, do not compromise, do not bend, do not yield. Always stand up for what you believe in, be it politics, religion or style & never give an inch of ground. Be matter of fact if they make a fuss and take the steam out of their argument. When they say to leave your hat at home or in the car, don't even acknowledge their comments with a response. Go on like they said nothing, like it wasn't important (which it isn't). After a while they will get the hint if they are smart & stop being narcissistic little children. If you have to, walk ahead or behind the group. If they don't like it, tough. This is you, heart & soul, take it or leave it.
You know, Johnn Depp catches a lot of flack for how odd he is and how he dresses compared to everyone else around him. He just keeps on, business as usual & doesn't care what others think. I mean, a Bold Suit worn with construction boots? Who does that? But it works for him, and more power to him. As this should work for you. Now you will find that once & a while you will reinvent your image in one direction or another. It happens over time. Sort of distilling who you are so to speak.

I presume that you are the oldest? And your parents don't even have the respect for you to tell their other children to lay off? It sound a whole lot like every one there is either jealous of you or afraid of individual spirit, and they can't even fathom breaking out of their little mold that society has sculpted for them. It sound like they are afraid of the world and you're the only one that embraces it. Its sounds a lot like 'The Tale of Despereaux', where everyone around Despereaux wanted him to be a mouse like everyone else, but he wanted so much more. He wanted to embrace the world and seek adventure. JB you have a very similar situation there.

Currently you are old enough for the Armed Services and in another year you will be old enough for the bar service (not saying you're a drinker). You are a man, beholden to none, especially your younger siblings.

So, in the end, if the family isn't excepting of you, you may just have to seek out that separation. The absence to make the heart grow fonder. If you don't want to head out of California there are plenty of Universities here in State that may suit your needs for your Major. Depending on your Major, you might Try Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo. And in SLO you will find many people that are very similar to your self.

Remember my friend, don't give an inch. Be yourself no matter what. It'll make you stronger, less shy, and maybe garner a modicum of respect from at least your folks. We are here for you JB. We are good listeners, and those of us of a decent age can offer up some sound advice once and a while. Keep us up to date & we'll try to help in one way or another. Take care, and keep the felt side up.



Cheers!

Dan

 

[Pompidou]

This isn't really a dumb comment, but since this thread is the defacto "famous people somebody thinks you look like" thread, I might as well post it here. I was told I looked like the title character of the movie Powder. Powder is that fairly obscure movie featuring an albino protagonist in a small, backwater, close-minded community. It had Jeff Goldblume in it, playing Jeff Goldblume, like in every Jeff Goldblume movie. But, I digress. I am Powder. Between Powder and Frosty the Snowman, I'm thinking I need to get some sun - a task not made easy with a large brimmed hat.

EDIT: In reference to the JB & family issue, I have to say, unless you take a stand and do something drastic, they probably won't stop. Retaliation seems like the best course of action, and spare not the overkill. Most people don't realize they're hurting somebody until they get hurt in return. I know when I have interpersonal issues, it usually starts with me ignoring the problem, then me bottling the issue and getting progressively more frustrated and angry inside, and then me making various passive attempts to address the problem, followed by being blunt and direct, and finally some epic hurtful monologue that I spend way too much time crafting. It's usually not till things have totally blown out of proportion that things ever become right. Things get much better when I finally snap.

 

[avedwards]

Having followed JB's unfortunate events, I recommend a read of this thread which I posted a few months ago, having considered dropping fedoras for good.
http://thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=45479

In the end I followed the lounge's advice and I still wear my grey fedora every day (when not at school that is). My family are gradually getting over the fact that I like to relatively dress smartly nearly all the time. My friends have accepted that my style is going to stay and that no amount of persuading will make me wear T-shirts and hoodies (I'm not prejudiced against them, I'm simply not comfortable wearing them myself).

However, this all came at a cost. With my friends it just took persistance, since I just refused to dress differently and ignored any arguments. It helped that my mol actively encourages me to dress as I do, since the support helped me stay firm.

With my family, things only really changed when I persisted and announced my plan to move out in June. Since then I've received hardly any complaints regarding looking outdated or overdressing (though my mother found I looked too smart to go camping recently in a khaki shirt and cotton bomber jacket).

Therefore, the only non-aggressive way of changing JB's situation would be to move out IMO. However, such a step comes at a cost, especially if done whilst still in school as in my case. Therefore, all I advise JB to do is to wear whatever he is comfortable in. Any further steps are his to decide since only he can assess what's neccessary.

 

[DanielJones]

Very well put avedwards!

No need to argue with friends and family. Don't give them the satisfaction, but maybe give your younger brothers a knowing smile now and again making them wonder what you know or are up to and keep them guessing. But again, don't let them lay a paw on your lids.

Other than that just stay the course & be yourself & have fun with it. Like avedwards said, they will eventually get used to it like it is second nature. Then when you do go out with a hat or just a t-shirt, they will wonder what's up or won't be able to find you in a crowd.


Cheers!

Dan

 

[yardpup01]

JB, I don't know the details of your situation, but have you considered moving out? I don't mean this as a suggestion for how to deal with the treatment from your family, but instead as a natural progression for a person at your age. I moved out at the age of 19, and while I had nothing to complain about my life at home, it ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. The reason is freedom. You don't ask, "can I go out?" You simply do. You eat, drink, and do whatever you want. Most college students move out and live in a dorm at the age of 18, and frankly seems a little too early for some. But for someone like yourself, with a little more time for maturity and wisdom than most freshmen, it might be time to consider it.

 

[The Good]

JB, I don't know the details of your situation, but have you considered moving out? I don't mean this as a suggestion for how to deal with the treatment from your family, but instead as a natural progression for a person at your age. I moved out at the age of 19, and while I had nothing to complain about my life at home, it ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. The reason is freedom. You don't ask, "can I go out?" You simply do. You eat, drink, and do whatever you want. Most college students move out and live in a dorm at the age of 18, and frankly seems a little too early for some. But for someone like yourself, with a little more time for maturity and wisdom than most freshmen, it might be time to consider it.

Lot's of people here are suggesting this. In theory, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I think that now just isn't the time to go about with that. I'm enrolled in a local community college, so it would hardly make sense for me to move now, at this time. Perhaps later when I apply for one of the larger universities? I'm thinking of schools in-state, but it's possible that dorm-life would simply be more practical anyway. I don't think I would want to spend a whole hour every day trying to get to my classes, and then another hour to get back. I'm sure that many people do this, but long-distance driving may not be my thing here. On a related note, despite being at the age of 20, I don't even have a license yet, I've held back on that, but I have taken driver's education, so in just a single summer, when I'm off of my classes, I will be able to take care of this.


Oh, and I should mention that I have worn my Federation today while on my walk. No one else tagged along, hence the lack of any comments, so that went well. At least I got to wear the thing shamelessly. I'm not trying to be a "poser," I'm not trying to be a sort of fictional character like Indiana Jones (though I still love the series), or like one of Bogart's roles, just myself.

 

[DanielJones]

...I'm not trying to be a "poser," I'm not trying to be a sort of fictional character like Indiana Jones (though I still love the series), or like one of Bogart's roles, just myself.

And that is all that should be expected of you. JB, it sounds like you've got your head screwed on fairly straight so I'm sure you will do the right thing. Just remember you have friends here that fully understand.


Cheers!

Dan