The Dumbest Comment I Ever Heard

[funneman]

One of the faculty at my residency saw me wearing my grey Federation and said, "Olsen, go out there and get me a picture of Spiderman!"

I don't know which bothered me more: Him making light of my hat or the fact that he mixed up Peter Parker and Jimmy Olsen (neither of whom, as I recall, wore a fedora.)

That's almost as bad as the wife calling me "Crocodile Dundee" when she
really means "Indiana Jones."

Kids today.[huh]

 

[demian]

This is all one of my many issues with the States. Conformity.

Anything slightly different than the accepted norm or trends is judged, found strange. Such a fear driven society.

It has been refreshing moving to Europe, especially Italy, where any individuality is appreciated if not respected.

I will add (once again) that there are many people wearing fedoras this fall/winter, and many store windows reflect a new fashion trend where fedoras play a central role, especially women's clothing.

The only thing they shoot you for is in Milan if you are found wearing jeans.

Kind regards.

 

[demian]

^ I've had that one happen fairly often,as I have several friends who are I just say, nope, I'm not. Smile and go on, unless the person decided to tease, then I usually come up with something witty and cutting

PS: As one rather "detached" and an admirer of style, not particularly vintage, I don't understand how anyone could criticize women's vintage styles.

It is very charming and lovely. Really, really, cute and fun....

In Italy it would be a real hit! no question.

I have yet to see anyone dress this way here..many would follow, no doubt in my mind.

ciao

 

[Wolfwood]

This is all one of my many issues with the States. Conformity.

Anything slightly different than the accepted norm or trends is judged, found strange. Such a fear driven society.

It has been refreshing moving to Europe, especially Italy, where any individuality is appreciated if not respected.

Hehe, that may be the situation in southern Europe, but up here in Finland, you will get some wondering looks when you go about wearing a hat. Most people go without any headgear even in the winter or they wear those knit caps that we call pipos and Canadians appear to call toques. In the summer it is either no hat or a baseball cap (but that is mostly limited to the construction guys etc.).

In Finland, it is VERY MUCH about conformity and not sticking out of the crowd. Luckily, no one goes out of their way to insult people in hats, unless it is a good friend of yours who just likes to tease you a bit...

 

[nickn5]

I've just spent three days on and off going through this whole thread and collating all the best (worst?!) comments and come-backs, as well as adding a few of my own variations. :whip:

Would people find it useful if I a) posted the list here, or b) started a new thread just for the list, or c) make the list accessible for download as a text file?

There's about 60 great come-backs so far...

N.

 

[Nick D]

How about a slightly different definition of 'dumb'?

I stopped by the tobacconist today to check the price of safety razor blades, and while looking at the case, another man also at the shaving case was staring at me with his mouth open. I didn't just see this out of the corner of my eye, I looked right at him and he continued to stare.

I was wearing my wide leg trousers, British greatcoat, gray Lee fedora, and a detachable long point collar with a red wool tie and a collar bar, and holding my umbrella. Out of the ordinary for here (well, not for me), but I didn't expect open-mouthed disbelief.

 

[charlie farley]

This is all one of my many issues with the States. Conformity.

Anything slightly different than the accepted norm or trends is judged, found strange. Such a fear driven society.

It has been refreshing moving to Europe, especially Italy, where any individuality is appreciated if not respected.

I will add (once again) that there are many people wearing fedoras this fall/winter, and many store windows reflect a new fashion trend where fedoras play a central role, especially women's clothing.

The only thing they shoot you for is in Milan if you are found wearing jeans.

Kind regards.

That's one of the many things I love about Italy (sigh).

 

[carter]

I've just spent three days on and off going through this whole thread and collating all the best (worst?!) comments and come-backs, as well as adding a few of my own variations. :whip:

Would people find it useful if I a) posted the list here, or b) started a new thread just for the list, or c) make the list accessible for download as a text file?

There's about 60 great come-backs so far...

N.

Post it here. It'll be fun to read and easy to download.

 

[nickn5]

Ok, here goes, hope you're sitting comfortably!

Enjoy...

What's with the hat?
Reply) What's with the question?
Reply) Hat? What hat? *gasp* Oh no, thought I had a baseball cap on...!
Reply) It's for my head!

Why the hat?
Reply) Why not?
Reply) Because I can!

Why are you wearing that?
Reply) Why do you care?

Where'd ya get the stupid hat?
Reply) Off the last guy who made the mistake of taking the p*** outta me.

You look dumb in that hat...
Reply) And you look like an idiot, but I can take the hat off.

What are you?
Reply) I'm an idiot hunter. I finally caught up with you.
Reply) I'm a gentleman.
Reply) I'm (state your age or nationality)

You know who you look like?
Reply) (Your name) with a hat on.

You look like my grandfather...
Reply) He must have been a very good looking and intelligent man then...
Reply) He should have worn protection...
Reply) Oh, he had style too, did he?

You look like Indiana Jones...
Reply) Oh that's original. Never heard that one before.
Reply) Man, that's a new one. You must've worked hard to dig that up.
Reply) He wasn't the only person ever to have worn a hat you know.
Reply) Yup, this is the exact same hat from the movie. I had it specially made.
Reply) So I look like Harrison Ford with this hat? Excellent, I must wear it more often.

You look like Dick Tracy.
Reply) Well you must be Pruneface then.

You look like Freddy Krueger...
Reply) Yeah, in your dreams!

You look like a pimp...
Reply) Well, you should know.
Reply) Ah, you used to be involved in prostitution too?

You look like an undertaker.
Reply) Yeah, and I plan on burying you later.

You look like _____.
Reply) The optician's is just up the road.

Are you supposed to be ______ ?
Reply) What would that be to you?

I thought you were ______ ?
Reply) I was.

Godfather...
Reply) Godfather?! I have only one godchild and it sure as heck ain't you.

Are you in the Mafia?
Reply) If I was is it safe for you be asking me about it?
Reply) Why, you got a store round here?
Reply) Keep talking like that and you'll be sleeping with the fishes.

Are you in fancy dress?
Reply) Yeah, well one of us had to make the effort.

Are you religious?
Reply) It depends on how attractive the asker is...

What are you all dressed up for?
Reply) Life!
Reply) I'm a time traveller.
Reply) To show you up.

You're a bit overdressed...
Reply) Did I ask for your opinion?
Reply) Well the lady I'm with appreciates it!
Reply) Yup, something only grown-ups know how to do.

Is your head cold?
Reply) Nope, cos I'm wearing a hat...

Where's the funeral?
Reply) What, yours? Coming up.

"Weirdo" / "freak" / "dweeb" etc.
Reply) It's ok, you can't help how stupid you are.
Reply) It takes one to recognise one.
Reply) Yeah, I should rush out and get some of those clothes you're wearing, that homeless tramp look is soooo stylish.
Reply) Who made you the fashion police, you got a badge or something?
Reply) You and your opinions are irrelevant.
Reply) You'd never have the guts to wear one.
Reply) Look who's talking!

You're living in a dream world.
Reply) Yeah, and you're not in it.

What happened to your hair?
Reply) Same thing as happened to your brain, it vanished.

It's stupid hat day today.
Reply) Nope, it's stupid comment day and you might win 1st prize.

"Yee-haw!"
Reply) Bless You! Want a kleenex / handkerchief?
Reply) Oh! You're a cowboy/girl? Where's your horse?

GENERAL RESPONSES TO ANY DUMB COMMENTS
1) You know, there used to be a quiz show called 'It Pays to Be Ignorant'. Something tells me you would have won the grand prize.
2) I don't know which offends me more, your ignorance or your arrogance.
3) Oh there you are. Your village called. They say they want their idiot back.
4) Now, if I throw a stick, will you fetch it?
5) I'm not here to decorate YOUR world.
6) Little boys wear caps, real men wear hats.
7) Wisdom doesn't come with age. Some people just get old.

lol lol
Nicholas.

 

[jamespowers]

Enjoy...

What's with the hat?
Reply) What's with the question?
Reply) Hat? What hat? *gasp* Oh no, thought I had a baseball cap on...!
Reply) It's for my head!

Why the hat?
Reply) Why not?
Reply) Because I can!

Why are you wearing that?
Reply) Why do you care?

Where'd ya get the stupid hat?
Reply) Off the last guy who made the mistake of taking the p*** outta me.

You look dumb in that hat...
Reply) And you look like an idiot, but I can take the hat off.

What are you?
Reply) I'm an idiot hunter. I finally caught up with you.
Reply) I'm a gentleman.
Reply) I'm (state your age or nationality)

You know who you look like?
Reply) (Your name) with a hat on.

You look like my grandfather...
Reply) He must have been a very good looking and intelligent man then...
Reply) He should have worn protection...
Reply) Oh, he had style too, did he?

You look like Indiana Jones...
Reply) Oh that's original. Never heard that one before.
Reply) Man, that's a new one. You must've worked hard to dig that up.
Reply) He wasn't the only person ever to have worn a hat you know.
Reply) Yup, this is the exact same hat from the movie. I had it specially made.
Reply) So I look like Harrison Ford with this hat? Excellent, I must wear it more often.

You look like Dick Tracy.
Reply) Well you must be Pruneface then.

You look like Freddy Krueger...
Reply) Yeah, in your dreams!

You look like a pimp...
Reply) Well, you should know.
Reply) Ah, you used to be involved in prostitution too?

You look like an undertaker.
Reply) Yeah, and I plan on burying you later.

You look like _____.
Reply) The optician's is just up the road.

Are you supposed to be ______ ?
Reply) What would that be to you?

I thought you were ______ ?
Reply) I was.

Godfather...
Reply) Godfather?! I have only one godchild and it sure as heck ain't you.

Are you in the Mafia?
Reply) If I was is it safe for you be asking me about it?
Reply) Why, you got a store round here?
Reply) Keep talking like that and you'll be sleeping with the fishes.

Are you in fancy dress?
Reply) Yeah, well one of us had to make the effort.

Are you religious?
Reply) It depends on how attractive the asker is...

What are you all dressed up for?
Reply) Life!
Reply) I'm a time traveller.
Reply) To show you up.

You're a bit overdressed...
Reply) Did I ask for your opinion?
Reply) Well the lady I'm with appreciates it!
Reply) Yup, something only grown-ups know how to do.

Is your head cold?
Reply) Nope, cos I'm wearing a hat...

Where's the funeral?
Reply) What, yours? Coming up.

"Weirdo" / "freak" / "dweeb" etc.
Reply) It's ok, you can't help how stupid you are.
Reply) It takes one to recognise one.
Reply) Yeah, I should rush out and get some of those clothes you're wearing, that homeless tramp look is soooo stylish.
Reply) Who made you the fashion police, you got a badge or something?
Reply) You and your opinions are irrelevant.
Reply) You'd never have the guts to wear one.
Reply) Look who's talking!

You're living in a dream world.
Reply) Yeah, and you're not in it.

What happened to your hair?
Reply) Same thing as happened to your brain, it vanished.

It's stupid hat day today.
Reply) Nope, it's stupid comment day and you might win 1st prize.

"Yee-haw!"
Reply) Bless You! Want a kleenex / handkerchief?
Reply) Oh! You're a cowboy/girl? Where's your horse?

GENERAL RESPONSES TO ANY DUMB COMMENTS
1) You know, there used to be a quiz show called 'It Pays to Be Ignorant'. Something tells me you would have won the grand prize.
2) I don't know which offends me more, your ignorance or your arrogance.
3) Oh there you are. Your village called. They say they want their idiot back.
4) Now, if I throw a stick, will you fetch it?
5) I'm not here to decorate YOUR world.
6) Little boys wear caps, real men wear hats.
7) Wisdom doesn't come with age. Some people just get old.

lol lol
Nicholas.

lol lol lol lol There definitely are some great ones there.

 

[Slim Portly]

Do you always dress like that?
Reply) No, today is Casual Friday. You should see me when I "dress up."

Are you in a swing band?
Reply) Do you work in a soup kitchen?

Why are you dressed that way?
Reply) Because it's [Monday, etc.]. You know that only comes once a week, right? I figure that's a good reason to celebrate.
Reply) Out of respect for you.
Reply) Because of all of the beautiful women here today. Don't worry, though. Some of them might like your football jersey.
Reply) I figure if I can't be as smart or as attractive as you, I should at least dress better.

I'd dress like that, but it would take too much time.
Reply) Yes, it takes much longer to put on a suit, nice shoes, and a fedora than it does to put on baggy jeans, old sneakers, and a baseball cap.
Reply) (after looking them up and down) And that was your only other option?

Hey, give me your hat!
Reply) Hey, give me your wallet!

Hey, Dick Tracy (Charlie Chaplin, Wyatt Earp, Elliot Ness, Indiana Jones, Joe Friday, Bat Masterson, Blues Brothers, etc.)!
Reply) Hey, Babe Ruth (Joe Montana, Wayne Gretsky, etc., depending on what sports jersey they are wearing)!
Reply) Hey, little boy!

When a person hums a theme like "Raiders of the Lost Ark" or "Dragnet"
Reply) Sorry, I don't know the theme for Tool Academy or I'd return the favor.

 

[jamespowers]

Do you always dress like that?
Reply) No, today is Casual Friday. You should see me when I "dress up."

Are you in a swing band?
Reply) Do you work in a soup kitchen?

Why are you dressed that way?
Reply) Because it's [Monday, etc.]. You know that only comes once a week, right? I figure that's a good reason to celebrate.
Reply) Out of respect for you.
Reply) Because of all of the beautiful women here today. Don't worry, though. Some of them might like your football jersey.
Reply) I figure if I can't be as smart or as attractive as you, I should at least dress better.

I'd dress like that, but it would take too much time.
Reply) Yes, it takes much longer to put on a suit, nice shoes, and a fedora than it does to put on baggy jeans, old sneakers, and a baseball cap.
Reply) (after looking them up and down) And that was your only other option?

Hey, give me your hat!
Reply) Hey, give me your wallet!

Hey, Dick Tracy (Charlie Chaplin, Wyatt Earp, Elliot Ness, Indiana Jones, Joe Friday, Bat Masterson, Blues Brothers, etc.)!
Reply) Hey, Babe Ruth (Joe Montana, Wayne Gretsky, etc., depending on what sports jersey they are wearing)!
Reply) Hey, little boy!

When a person hums a theme like "Raiders of the Lost Ark" or "Dragnet"
Reply) Sorry, I don't know the theme for Tool Academy or I'd return the favor.

Give me your wallet! lol lol lol lol Classic one.

 

[Baron Kern]

when I wear my black felt derby, nothing special, my grandfather says I look like a dandy. Which i suppose technically I am...I think.....Its not the dumbest comment iv heard, I actually take it as a bit of a compliment, I just find it...interesting. Grandfather was born in 1917, says the best phrases and things.

 

[JohnnyB53]

when I wear my black felt derby, nothing special, my grandfather says I look like a dandy. Which i suppose technically I am...I think.....Its not the dumbest comment iv heard, I actually take it as a bit of a compliment, I just find it...interesting. Grandfather was born in 1917, says the best phrases and things.

When your grandfather was young, the regular guys wore fedoras and the last of the dandies were wearing derbies.

 

[nickn5]

I'd dress like that, but it would take too much time.
Reply) (after looking them up and down) And that was your only other option?

lol I like it and will add all those above to my collection...

N.

 

[Goose.]

If the comment references a fictional or non-fictional celebrity, I simply, and quite politely, say "thank you". Really throws the a'holes off that are trying to be funny or prod you to get defensive. Try it.

The one that has stuck in my circle is "Hi Secret Squrrel". I reply with "Hi Morrocco Mole".

The ignorance and rudeness of others is amazingly sad.

 

[Dr Doran]

Godlike list

Nick, you are a young god. This is a fine list you have put together. I may paste it into a blank document and print it out, or memorize it. Seriously, thank you for your hard work and organization!

These are brilliant and the funny thing is, when I read them to myself I keep hearing Bogart's voice saying them aloud to some mook. In the "you'll take it and like it when I slap you!" tone that he used on poor Elisha Cook. These would make superb lines for a film noir -- sharp, snappy, mean, and CLEVER.

 

[jamespowers]

If the comment references a fictional or non-fictional celebrity, I simply, and quite politely, say "thank you". Really throws the a'holes off that are trying to be funny or prod you to get defensive. Try it.

The one that has stuck in my circle is "Hi Secret Squrrel". I reply with "Hi Morrocco Mole".

The ignorance and rudeness of others is amazingly sad.

Morrocco Mole! lol lol lol lol lol That's a good one. lol

 

[avedwards]

Can anyone think of a good comeback?

I frequently get called "Inspector Gadget" by idiots on the street when I wear my beige trench coat and grey fedora (and previoulsy black and tan fedoras too). Other than wearing a black great coat (which people don't comment on) I cannot think of anything to do against the fools.

Is "Inspector Gadget" the only trenchcoat-fedora wearing character they know of? Has nobody in modern Britain heard of Humphrey Bogart? Just because 90% of youths in Britain can think of nothing to wear other than a hoody, doesn't mean than I am going to conform.

So can anybody think of a good comeback to hoody wearing youths when they say Inspector Gadget? I have checked the amazing list but have not found any which quite fit the case. Any help would be greatly appreciated, so that I can battle the poorly dressed morons with words.

 

[Caity Lynn]

one you could always say is...yepp, only I don't have a gadget that can fix what your wearing...that would take a miracle. [huh]