Fear of the feminine

[Amapola]

I think many women nowadays have a fear of lookng femenine, or too femenine....
Are you ladies afraid to be more classically femenine than you feel?

This question may be "preaching to the choir" here in the powder room. But it is a good question. It got me to thinking, "what is classically feminine?" Well first, what is feminine? And second, what is classically feminine?

I would venture to guess that most of the powder room gals are classically feminine, or we at at least strive for that image from time to time. I doubt that we are afraid to be that way, as I'd guess we don't get dolled up and just hang out in our living rooms. I have said before that I was born way too late! But by dressing vintage and appearing in public it really does bring joy to older folks.

Feminine can certainly be the way you feel, and not necessarily looking all dolled up, or wearing a dress. My husband can make me feel very feminine when I am in a t-shirt and jeans...

On the other side of the coin, how do we feel about masculinity? Is there a certain way that guys are that make them masculine? Hmmm........

 

[scotrace]

There is nothing you can name,

that is anything like a

girly, womanly, female, feminine.... dame.

I suppose it depends on when and where one grew up as this would have a major impact on your perceptions. I recently spottted a Rubenesque woman at the grocery who was dressed in a long nubby-fabric coat, high heels, vintage glasses and vintage style makeup and hair. She was very dignified and had a graceful walk. The surprising thing was her age - probably under 30. I'm sure she thought I was a staulker because I couldn't take my eyes off her. The whole effect was very feminine. Suddenly, all the other women in the store seemed diminished, as though they had lost something important and weren't even aware of it, clopping along in sneakers and sweat pants.
And it doesn't have to be about clothes. Feminine to me means the way a woman carries herself, treats herself and others. A flash of the eye, a nurturing attitude. She can be very beautiful and very aware of her beauty but never, ever seems cheap.
Also, she must NOT be tanned like an old saddle, or have a rough voice from too many cigarettes.
(Neecerie nailed it)

 

[Paul]

Femininity and Masculinity

thats the thing..a lot of women dont know and see the difference between sexy and feminine. [huh] somebody has to teach them
(and no Im not 4"3)lol

This is my view on femininity from a male perspective:- For me femininity for a women is not straight cut down any one line in my view it is more the way a lady acts and behaviours , she can be wearing a skirt high and heels or trousers with flat shoes, either way she can just as feminine, it is not until you see a women who is shouting making a noise and even worse etc when i think to myself that's not very feminine.The phrase I am looking for is la dish behaviour!
If a lady is nicely dressed with style then I think this draws your attention to her in a very positive way and you do notice her mannerisms how she walks even speaks etc,Can a lady feel feminine well as a man I have no way of knowing, but is just the same question as asking about masculinity?, well tire are many time that I feel masculine, I would suggest that is triggered when I do thinks that slight scare me like going up long ladders , or as a young man chase shoplifters through a shop and down the street, I would say without medical knowledge is about "hormones".
One thing that I have always found amusing is when you see a man with his friend, drinking or what ever and been a typical male, he will if married go home and his bedroom decoration will most like be chosen by his wife, in more feminine shade than maybe he would choose with a dressing table with cosmetics on, perfume etc , he therefore spends a large proportion of his life in a feminine environment.
To conclude I think we often use femininity and masculinity to describe a moment in time when we can experience of one of those feelings, Either regardless of gender.It might be as hard for a women to accept she has a small masculine side as it is for a man to accept he has a small feminine side also.
Is this a load of rubbish! well it's my believe so as valid as that, But I am not shamed to say that I have relative large feminine side to me. Maybe something to do with been brought up in a female dominated house hold with myself two sisters slightly older than me, mum and dad of course. Would that mean I would not do something brave well I hope I would do so if required but them bravery is not gender related also.
Thanks for reading this.... Paul

 

[BettyValentine]

Weirdly, this discussion has hit a definition of "femininity" that I have never ever used for "femininity."

"It is not about clothes, it is about the way she wears them." - That is feminine? I call that "style", and guys have it too.

Still not sure what you mean by "feminine." Could just be me, though. I've been well trained over the years to not ever use the word "Feminine" without adding quotation marks to it. (To avoid confusion by visually delineating that I am speaking of what a given individual might call "feminine" and not some Platonic form of female that is, of course, an imaginary construct.)

It's all about style (chic, iki, gravitas, presence) ... that all-important fine line between wearing your clothes and your clothes wearing you. That's not necessarily youth or beauty, not that those hurt.

BV - in my world everything comes down to style.

 

[Matt Deckard]

Feminine style.

I hang out at JPL alot and Caltech, and the ladies there prefer the sweatshirt and masculine jeans look. tennis shoes and random hair.

Being part of the workforce definately takes time away from a woman's ability to get gussied up. I guess i mean femenine in the style sense... less of the fashion and more of the demeaner.

Takes time to tell many of the gals on the labs apart from the guys. The ladies feel they's be mistaken for a secretary if they put more thought into being femenine in style. So they go for the logo sweatshirt... maybe with Marvin Martian, and the ill fitting jeans. It is a comfort issue as they say when I interview... all the clothes they have that they think are feminine they say are cumbersome and uncomfortable and as they say... they don't want to be made fun of. It is a fear on their part of looking feminine.... they think it looks weak.

 

[KAT]

they think its weak...but its not...a lot of them dont even have the self confidence to wear something feminine, be feminine (not sexy)..they are afraid, maybe cause they dont know how?
as for me...it doesnt matter what i do...i always look like a 16 year old ..not even my military hot pants can change that lol

 

[Tin Pan Sally]

"Pretty is as pretty does"

I'm not sure about the workforce thing. A woman couldn't get away with jeans and sneakers with the dress code where I work. The career women at my office wear lacey tops, girly skirts, tailored suits, high heels, jewelry, etc. Maybe not the same style I wear, but we all have to looked polished and presentable in order to keep our jobs.
I see many teenage boys who intentionally look like girls. Reminds me of the androgeny of the 80s and the glam of the 70s.

 

[Magus]

yeah and girls know and take advantage of the men, cause woman know its hard for men to use both parts of the brain at once
but then the girls wonder why the guy wants more then just to unwrap the present....guys are like kids..they wanna play with the toy after.....

Hmmmm....Well...I keep my toys for a long long loooooong time...that way they can be enjoyed agian and again and again and......

Sometime you re-wrap them and then you get to open them all over....heck...everyday is Christmas at my place.




As to the Topic at hand...Being feminine in my estimation has almost NOTHING to do with how a woman is dressed. Yes, it can help, but if the woman isn't feminine within herself and carry that with confidence she can "wrap" herself any way she wishes, paint her nails, do her hair, have the best make-up...its not going to matter or change her lack of femininity. On the other hand a woman who has embraced her femininity can be doing yardwork in old jeans with no makup and her hair thrown back in a ponytail and dazzle like a diamond.

Its the Person.....not the clothes.


M


PS...I know I wasn't supposed to "Peek" in the powder room...but its my first time...really...I promise....and hey...I'm a guy who embraces his masculinity...so I peek...what can I say? lol

 

[KAT]

Hmmmm....Well...I keep my toys for a long long loooooong time...that way they can be enjoyed agian and again and again and......

Sometime you re-wrap them and then you get to open them all over....heck...everyday is Christmas at my place.



M

well you got a lucky girl then, she must feel very feminine:eusa_clap
i just hope you have one toy at a timelol
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY
(only 7 month, 20 days and 6 hours left)

 

[Magus]

well you got a lucky girl then, she must feel very feminine:eusa_clap
i just hope you have one toy at a timelol
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY
(only 7 month, 20 days and 6 hours left)

Who...me? More that one toy at once? (innocent look) That topic is best left to PM's....

 

[mysterygal]

the term feminine is in the eye of the beholder, what may look feminine to one person, may not to another. To me, it is the total package, it starts with being well groomed, but as we have mentioned, being well groomed is not nearly enough since I have observed some pretty crass and obscene well dressed ladies, rare, but you do see them, there are manners involved, a sweetness, we are the weaker vessel and there is nothing wrong embracing it, I love to feel protected by my man, and what makes him masculine is being that strong protector who is not just there to look out for me, but also as a comforter, those two together, make any man irresistable.

 

[Naama]

So, I'm an artist, so I think I have a little bit of a different view on this topic. I work a lot with clichees and stereotypes. Well, sure, I like the feminine look, but I think over the years it became more of a concept. Not really planned, but it somehow developed......
Today looking feminine pretty much makes people think that you weak, dependandt, maybe even stupid and for sure, not emancipated. And what does this tells us about our society? Well..... I would say I'm a feminist, and thats one reason why I dress feminine. I want to break with clichees and stereotypes, and I want to show the world that it's good to be a women! And that you don't have to be a man to be respected!
So, stay feminine, stay feminist

Naama

 

[Sachet]

I think many women nowadays have a fear of looking feminine, or too feminine.
<snip>
Are you ladies afraid to be more classically feminine than you feel?

It's not a fear per se, but sometimes an awareness of not wanting others to feel uncomfortable because maybe they aren't as comfortable within their own femininity. It depends on the circumstances. Sometimes I dress according to my mood and personal preferences and other times I play the chameleon for others.

For instance, this weekend we had company. We were going downtown to a block party in the arts district. Normally, I would wear very feminine attire...flow-y skirt, soft blouse...with some type of details that would define some aspects of being a woman (slight décolletage, etc.). But, my female guest had made it clear that she was only comfortable in jeans and t-shirts. I own like maybe 3 t-shirts because I don't like the masculine connotation for everyday wear. Hiking yes, working around the house, yes. But not for going out in public as a matter of course.

But....I wouldn't have enjoyed wearing more feminine attire knowing that it would make my guest feel diminished or that I was trying to outshine her. So I wore snug jeans and a lilac t-shirt with a Celtic motif, and a dangly silver belt, earrings and bracelets. That was my compromise.

I have friends who fall on both sides of the line of feeling comfortable with their femininity and dressing accordingly or feeling like they must mesh with the masses and dress in such a unisex manner that it makes me sad for them. It's just so MUCH fun to dress like a woman!!!! Some of that discomfort though is based on not being happy with their bodies and the asinine messages that our media and overall culture sends to women.

I also have found that it depends on the area of the country you live in. I wore dresses in southwest Florida a lot more than I do here in northwest North Carolina. For reasons of comfort, weather-wise, and also because sticking out like a sore thumb is not my idea of celebrating my femininity. So now I have more skirts than ever before. I can dress the way I want to, but not look strangely out of place. Unless I choose to. <g>

...S~

 

[mysterygal]

Today looking feminine pretty much makes people think that you weak, dependandt, maybe even stupid and for sure, not emancipated.
Naama

To me, I have the opposite view when I see a woman dressed well, of course this also depends on how she carries herself (wether or not she's wearing the clothes or the clothes wearing her) it speaks of being sure of herself, a confidence while the jogging pants look speaks of no self respect or at least very little, there is so much that you tell people without saying a word.
I am never embarrassed to dress feminine/classy, kind of hesitant to admit this, but, I actually really enjoy the attention of being well dressed or even better dressed by those around me...maybe it's personality, I like to stand out, to look feminine leads to sexiness, and sexiness doesn't always have to have a vulgar meaning attached to it...us ladies are blessed with curves that make us who we are, we can either cover it up or paint it as a beautiful picture that it was meant to be

 

[Sachet]

I get more male attention when I'm primped, but not more respect.

I would totally agree. But! Primped and obviously pregnant. Yowzer! Men fall over themselves being respectful gentelmen. 'Twas highly entertaining.

 

[herringbonekid]

It's important to distinguish between feminine that's ladylike and feminine that's sexy. Sexy gets attention, ladylike gets respect.

i don't think ladylike and sexy are mutually exclusive. ladylike can be very sexy. you might be surprised at the number of men who would prefer women to leave a little more flesh covered up.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

You might be surprised at the number of men who would prefer women to leave a little more flesh covered up.

But not forever. lol

 

[Paisley]

Herringbone Kid, I see sexy and ladylike as a continuum, not opposites with nothing in between. But I can see where a man would find a bit of mystery or even modesty more intriguing than a muffin top or in-your-face cleavage. In fact, I once heard it said that the actress who played Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island got a lot more, er, amorous fan letters than the actress who played Ginger.

Around my last birthday, when I turned 37, I decided it was time for a more elegant look. Although I'm fit, I don't want to end up looking like one of those middle-aged women fighting tooth and nail to stay young. As for the androgynous or masculine look, it just makes most women of a certain age look frumpy, and the ultra-feminine girly look says "ingenue," not "sophistication." That's my $.02, anyway.

 

[magneto]

::respectfully SNIPped::
Today looking feminine pretty much makes people think that you weak, dependandt, maybe even stupid and for sure, not emancipated. And what does this tells us about our society?

I think it tells us that in *some* ways women are at a greater disadvantage than, say, 30 years ago. Traditional feminine appearance, demeanor (modesty, politeness, "restraint" for want of a better word), and role (putting being a wife/homemaker/mother ahead of your work rather than vice versa) are held up to a level of open denigration and scorn that is quite amazing considering the claims of feminism to foster "respect" and "equality" for women. (I admit the "denigration and scorn" part is just my perspective, what I see in the doubly out-there world of "liberal" California and academia.)

Well..... I would say I'm a feminist, and thats one reason why I dress feminine. I want to break with clichees and stereotypes, and I want to show the world that it's good to be a women! And that you don't have to be a man to be respected!

:eusa_clap Exactly. Denying one's femininity is perpetuating the absurd view that women must perform some sort of behavioral sex-change to function in work and society. For Heaven's sake, women have been working in "male jobs" and pursuing higher education since the Victorian era, and managed to do so without turning themselves into scale-model versions of stevedores en masse.

 

[Matt Deckard]

I think it tells us that in *some* ways women are at a greater disadvantage than, say, 30 years ago. Traditional feminine appearance, demeanor (modesty, politeness, "restraint" for want of a better word), and role (putting being a wife/homemaker/mother ahead of your work rather than vice versa) are held up to a level of open denigration and scorn that is quite amazing considering the claims of feminism to foster "respect" and "equality" for women. (I admit the "denigration and scorn" part is just my perspective, what I see in the doubly out-there world of "liberal" California and academia.)

[/I].

Not just your perspective. I see women who want to stay home and raise children put down as "breeders" by those women who are many times younger and into finding that competative career. Society today feels like it shames the female if she doesn't want to play a sport or seek to perform in the rat race.

There is nothing wrong with a woman going to college and then becoming a homemaker. Who wouldn't want to be educated, or for that matter, educated and raising children?