Clean Jokes

[GHT]

I was addicted to soap ... now I'm clean.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Peter meets Rudi:

Peter:
"Rudi, you're just the luckiest man of us all! You're not married, you can come whenever you want, you can go whenever you want, you don't have to give account!
But tell me something, you old dodger:
You're in the best age, so why you got still no woman??"

Rudi:
"Haha, man, if you would know, how much woman I had! But all of them weren't congenial to my mother! She again kicked them all out!!

Peter:
"Oh, that's bad! Ah, wait, I have an advice for you:
For variation, search for a woman, which resembles your mother and maybe with a character more or less similar to her."

Rudi:
"Man, I already got such one! But father kicked her out!!!"

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Zombie_61]

 

[3fingers]

Having dealt with too many of these people over the years when "do you know who I am?" pops out of their mouth I'm done listening. Arrogance is my greatest pet peeve.

 

[Bamaboots]

Arrogance is my greatest pet peeve.

Same here.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[GHT]

Do you know why the British love tea? Not being a lover of the beverage it's always been lost on me. But last night I discovered that tea is more dangerous than beer.

Getting home at three am after sinking fourteen beers at the pub, my missus went balistic, and all she had drunk was a few cups of tea.

I remained calm and silent, peaceful even, but she gave me grief all night long, and was still going on about it next morning.

Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, just don't drink it.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Do you know why the British love tea? Not being a lover of the beverage it's always been lost on me. But last night I discovered that tea is more dangerous than beer.

Getting home at three am after sinking fourteen beers at the pub, my missus went balistic, and all she had drunk was a few cups of tea.

I remained calm and silent, peaceful even, but she gave me grief all night long, and was still going on about it next morning.

Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, just don't drink it.

Green/Black tea, right??

 

[GHT]

Having dealt with too many of these people over the years when "do you know who I am?" pops out of their mouth I'm done listening. Arrogance is my greatest pet peeve.

There's a couple of comebacks that you might put in your memory diary next time you hear: "Do you know who I am?"
1) Suffering from amnesia, are you?
2) Clairvoyant I am not.

 

[Vera Godfrey]

 

[drmaxtejeda]

View attachment 174964

Was one of them nine-fingered?

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[drmaxtejeda]

It's a fact

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[drmaxtejeda]

"The greatest hallucinogen is love. It is highly addictive and it makes us see people that don't exist".

-Juan Arévalo

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[Trenchfriend]

 

[Bamaboots]

There's a couple of comebacks that you might put in your memory diary next time you hear: "Do you know who I am?"
1) Suffering from amnesia, are you?
2) Clairvoyant I am not.

STFU usually worked for me.

 

[GHT]

STFU usually worked for me.

Works for Barbara Streisand too.

 

[GHT]

Turn the sound up, this is clean, well sort of, ambiguous yes, but funny.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

GHT
Do you think that the OP of 'clean jokes' had this language and topic in mind?..or should we just go crude, rude and indecent no matter the title because you and a few seem to prefer it that way..?? Why not just start your own 'Vulgar-Jokes' thread instead..??
HD