Clean Jokes

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Happy Halloween to all!

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

As usual the flu season is predicted to be bad this yr. Better stock up on flu shots while you can.

 

[Zombie_61]

Interesting observation...

 

[3fingers]

The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. "I have two talking female parrots," she tells him. "All they can say is `Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's awful," the priest agrees, "but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom I've taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God."
The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priest's house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
"Hi, we're prostitutes." say the females. "Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, "Close the Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered!"

 

[GHT]

Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the Service have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training..
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You,Human Resources

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[2jakes]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[2jakes]

 

[2jakes]

 

[2jakes]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

One day a mom was cleaning her teenage son's room and she found a bondage S&M magazine. It was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until her husband got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

 

[Hurricane Jack]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males & 2 females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Cue up the theme from "Rocky"

 

[Lean'n'mean]

Little Patrick was sitting on the curb crying his eyes out. A neighbour saw him, walked over & asked;
" What's the matter, son, why are you crying ?"
"It's me mum" replied the boy " she just died."
"Oh dear, would you like me to fetch father O'Brian ?" inquired the neighbour.
" No thanks" replied the boy, "sex is the last thing on my mind just now."