Bad Table Manners

[Lily Powers]

Bad Manners...a true story!

Date shows up, hair wet and in a pony tail wrapped by the type of rubberband you use on a bundle of mail, no tie.

Takes me to a fancy Italain place. We are greated by the little old lady at the coat check, where he promptly ditches me and runs back out to the car. (later found out it was because his GUN was in his coat pocket and no, he wasn't a cop) I give the lady my coat and he has his hung ON TOP of mine to save $. We are seated and the head waiter comes over and aks what time our reservation is for. Turns out we are an HOUR early! I offer to move to the bar but the waiter tells me so nicely that it's not a problem at all...then fires a few digs at the date. Menus arrive and the waiter is ready to take the order. Date literally asks which entree gives the biggest portion. Food arrives and he shovels his pasta into his mouth like he's using a backhoe. Then he asks if I'm going to eat mine and REACHES OVER THE TABLE AND TAKES IT FROM MY PLATE. On the way out, I am almost to the coat check when he spots his boss and his family. He leaves me standing there, goes back to the boss's table and spends 5 minutes conversing and never called me over or introduced me. (This is the same boss who forgot his wife's bday or anniversary or something so my date gave the boss flowers he bought for me. That's okay, but the date TOLD me about it!) By this time, I'm pretty sure tipping the little old coat check lady isn't going to happen...so the smallest I had was $10 and I just quietly slipped it in her basket as she handed us our coats. He put his on and headed for the door while I was still trying to get mine on.

I think he wanted to take me for a beer after that but I said I was exhausted and had to get up early for work.

Romantic, no? lol

NO!!! lol But it sure was fun to read about! Maybe the waiter has a brother...

 

[23SkidooWithYou]

23Skidoo, you ARE going to assure us that was your last date ever with such a heel, aren't you? What a neanderthal.

OMG, you know it, but not without an argument. Gee, I tried to bow out gracefully and he went a little bonkers. Ancient history.

Carlisle...if Bigfoot is or was a skinny little bass player, yes, one in the same.

Gawd! What was I thinking????

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Gawd! What was I thinking????

Perhaps the question is, with what were you thinking?

.

 

[ThesFlishThngs]

In reality, many of us have to go through a fair share of toads before discovering our prince. The trick is to ditch the toad the moment his warts start showing.

 

[Edward]

My folks drilled table manners into me. I'm glad they did. Actually, I remember dad teaching me when I was about eight how to deal with tasting wine when they bring you a bottle in the restaurant.... seems bizarre in retrospect (before I hit my mid 20s, I remember my parents opening a bottle of wine precisely once - just not real drinkers at all), but now I'm very glad - I'd hate to make the howler an acquaintance of my dad did. The guy apparently actually looked at the taster poured before him and said 'I'd like a bit more than that!' Course, last couple of times I've done this happened to be with a friend who likes to take the mickey because she thinks it's pretentious and funny. Oddly enough, I find that childish and immature. lol

Ditto, but I was taught to eat by my left-handed mother. So it's a fork in my right hand, knife in my left. I've gotten some strange looks over the years, because I'm right handed.

Ha, you balance me out - I'm very left handed, but I eat with the fork in my left, knife in the right. (That said, for buttering bread etc, I always use the knife in my left).

I was taught that the 'correct' way to apply salt was to place a small pile on your plate and dip your food in it, as per the great mustard debacle.

I have only seen very correct old timers do this, can anyone advise?

Entirely correct - I remember many years ago - late 70s? - a minorensation when an etiquette expert (femlae, that's all I remember) criticised Charlie Windsor for sprinkling the salt. Though as pointed out above, the salt shaker rendered this a dying tradition. I suspect also nowadays with people being so conious about salt excess and health, it is considered preferable to sprinkle as this results in less on the food. Myself, I love salt - I'll commonly sprinkle, and then also leave a small pile on the side of the plate for dipping my meat into.

When at home I avoid the "stem or bowl" issue by drinking wine out of a tumbler.

This seems to be the done thing in the South of Spain in my experience.

1. we wait to eat until all are seated with plates

I'm a real stickler for that one. It's surprising how many folks aren't aware of it. I would only dream of starting before all had been served where time was pressing (I can be a slow eater) and where those remaining unserved insisted.

A friend of mine goes ballistic if someone starts lifting plates away from the table before all are finished. She considers that very bad manners. myself, I don't mind - as long as the waiting staff are clear that the plates are indeed finished with, I quite like the idea of the extraneous being cleared away.

One of my favourite foreign quirks is in the hotel we use for work purposes when doing teaching stints at a partner university in Beijing. The staff in the restaurant there follow what I understand to be an old rule of XChinese table etiquette: if you order a bottle of wine, beer, coke, whatever - the bottle, or even can, is never placed on the table. Instead, the server responsible for your table fills your glass, then retreats wwith the bottle or can to a little station a few feet away. They will watch your table throughout the meal, and whenever your glass runs low, they magically appear at your elbow to refill it. Somehow they manage this without it ever seeming intrusive.

 

[Tomasso]

In reality, many of us have to go through a fair share of rabbit cookers before discovering our princess.The trick is to ditch the rabbit cooker before she gets hold of Fluffy.

FIFY.

 

[Diamondback]

In reality, many of us have to go through a fair share of toads before discovering our prince. The trick is to ditch the toad the moment his warts start showing.

What about those of us who acknowledge "toad" status, try to make our warts readily apparent from square one so there aren't any surprises and strive to overcome it?

@23Skidoo: Ouch--people like that who carry firearms are what give others of us who do so much of a PR problem...

 

[ThesFlishThngs]

"Rabbit cooker" - that's a new one.

Diamondback, so far as I'm concerned, toadism is related to behavior (in case you think I might have been attributing it to appearance). 23Skiddoo's toad seems to have shown his warts early on; a character like that would be hard-pressed to fake anything close to princely manners!

 

[Diamondback]

Clarissa, I figured as much--I was thinking in context of those of us who have significant character deficiencies or black marks on our records, acknowledge them and seek to redeem ourselves for them.

 

[ThesFlishThngs]

Accepting that we have shortcomings, and being willing to strive for a little improvement is a beautiful thing.
23's awkward date apparently bumbled through the whole thing in utter oblivion. I can imagine her trying to point out one or two of his faux paus, (not sure how to pluralize that) only to be met with a dull-eyed, "huh?"

 

[Miss 1929]

We have a friend...

.. a dear friend, who comes to dinner about once a month.
This guy must have grown up in a cave. Completely oblivious as to:

Using hands to grab food from communal dishes (when serving pieces are present)
Completely covering his place area with pieces of food and spills and such
Cluelessness as to forks and knives and spoons for different purposes
Cluelessness as to the purpose of a salad plate...

I like to make a nice table when I have guests, but caught on early that this guy is happier with less complication, so from here out, it's one plate, one fork, and everything on the plate, not passed! It's still a mess but at least I have indoctrinated him into the use of the napkin.

Sigh...

 

[fortworthgal]

I was taken to a business dinner by a group of Texans in DFW. Upmarket steakhouse. Excellent. Steaks all round. Great. Mustard. Good.

I was taught to spoon some mustard from the container onto the side of your dinner plate and apply the mustard to the piece you have cut and are about to eat.

When I scooped a small amount of mustard onto the plate next to the steak, people's eyes at the table nearly popped out of thier head. Stunned. Awkward. Silence.

If there had been a piano player, he would have stopped playing, too.

Dear Agony Aunt, What was my gaffe?

I'm dying to know what steakhouse this was, if you recall. I've been to quite a few in the DFW area and I cannot remember one where mustard was brought to the table with the steak. I must say I've never heard of mustard applied to a steak. Sacrilege!

 

[Carlisle Blues]

Thanks everyone for your comments .....I am sending this link in an email to my buddies and I am sure those solutions suggested here will be of help.

 

[Talbot]

I'm dying to know what steakhouse this was, if you recall. I've been to quite a few in the DFW area and I cannot remember one where mustard was brought to the table with the steak. I must say I've never heard of mustard applied to a steak. Sacrilege!

Texas Land and Cattle Steakhouse in North Dallas (I think).

Maybe I was on a reality TV show - lets bring out the mustard for the guy that talks funny.....

Waiter looked a little bit like Alan Funt now that I think about it.

Just returned from TX (again). Beautifull weather and had a great time.

Boy do you guys know how to do rain! I think DFW had our national annual rainfall in the month of October alone.

 

[scotrace]

There's an App for that.

iPhone apps run background checks on potential dates.

 

[Shangas]

I hope I didn't come off in my previous post sounding like you should only hold your knife and fork a certain way. Thats the way I was taught, but different cultures have different manners.

Its kind of like hearing English people complain about Americans not speaking the Queens English. Why should you, she's not your Queen.

I say if you want to use your fork as a spoon, its OK with me. When I'm in the States, I do too. When in Rome.

One thing that has always puzzled me and perhaps someone can help me out here, as I'm not sure what I did wrong: [huh]

I was taken to a business dinner by a group of Texans in DFW. Upmarket steakhouse. Excellent. Steaks all round. Great. Mustard. Good.

I was taught to spoon some mustard from the container onto the side of your dinner plate and apply the mustard to the piece you have cut and are about to eat.

When I scooped a small amount of mustard onto the plate next to the steak, people's eyes at the table nearly popped out of thier head. Stunned. Awkward. Silence.

If there had been a piano player, he would have stopped playing, too.

Dear Agony Aunt, What was my gaffe?

Maybe it's just an Australian thing? I also eat my steaks with mustard. Or, if there's no mustard, chili. That's the Asian in me coming out. If it's not spicy, it's not nicey.

 

[Talbot]

Uh Oh...

We're for it now Shangas

While not advocating mustard with steak, if you want to try something spicy, a Sri Lankan mate put me on to a mustard called Daffy's. I think he imported it himself, but if you see it, get it.

Waaaaay hotter than anything I had experienced before (Wasabi, Mexican Chilli's, Louisiana Hot Sauce, Vindaloo etc).

I suppose technically its not just mustard as it also contains Garlic, Ginger, Chilli, etc.

http://www.lankandelight.com/pc-1419-24-daffys-mustard-sauce-375g-399.aspx

Talbot

 

[23SkidooWithYou]

What about those of us who acknowledge "toad" status, try to make our warts readily apparent from square one so there aren't any surprises and strive to overcome it?

@23Skidoo: Ouch--people like that who carry firearms are what give others of us who do so much of a PR problem...

Embracing one's toad/toadette status is admirable!

I feel it is only by recognizing our shortcomings that we truly grow as people. In my case, the guy was just arrogant and somewhat cavalier (if not oblivious) to how uncomfortable he was making me feel. While the pony tail and poor manners were not a turn on by any means, they were forgivable transgressions. His mortal sin was his poor attitude. So, no worries, frogs are good people too!

 

[23SkidooWithYou]

Perhaps the question is, with what were you thinking?

.

Ha ha! I actually never thought about it at all! <shudder>

 

[23SkidooWithYou]

I'm a real stickler for that one. It's surprising how many folks aren't aware of it. I would only dream of starting before all had been served where time was pressing (I can be a slow eater) and where those remaining unserved insisted.

A friend of mine goes ballistic if someone starts lifting plates away from the table before all are finished. She considers that very bad manners. myself, I don't mind - as long as the waiting staff are clear that the plates are indeed finished with, I quite like the idea of the extraneous being cleared away.

I had forgotten about this! Yes, I was also taught to wait until all were served. Not fun when you are in a restaurant and one person's meal is delayed. Usually, that unfortunate person has the good manners to encourage everyone to begin. In that case, I feel it's okay to start.

The other thing we were taught was to serve yourself last (and sometimes least) when hosting an event. My Grandfather loved to eat but even he would wait until his guests were taken care of before he helped himself at a buffet style event or bbq, casual event.

I suppose we were taught some manners because it was the right thing to do, because we were expected to behave in public, because our elders didn't want us to be embarrassed. I also suspect deeper roots. My Gram's family had next to nothing when it came to material wealth but they were educated. In their situation, presenting themselves neat, clean, well groomed, well spoken and well mannered was essential because they couldn't afford to dazzle anyone with the usual worldly trappings that can immediately allude to one's status or station in life. It was the only way they could level the playing field a bit and afford themselves the opportunity to grow past the circumstances of their childhood.