Why the South?

[Foofoogal]

I do think some of it is where you live as well.

I don't think anything of a man holding doors for me, hands full or not. I also think nothing of the "Honey will you get that off the shelf for me?" in stores by old women, speaking to strangers in line and I use Ma'am and Sir and me holding the door for the elderly. None of these was overly common outside of the south when I've left and was commented on it every time.

Of course one must react to a chivalrous act appropriately too. I'm not above batting my lashes and gushing about it either, so there IS a trade off. They go out of their way and I go out of mine to make sure they know it's appreciated.
__________________
Elaina

"Elegance is refusal."
-Coco Chanel

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As I didn't want throw off the other thread I want to start a new one.
I think just like this and am in the South. Why is the South or why was the South so different in thinking then in the North?
I really want to know. Like Scarlett in Gone With the Wind. Was it done before the movie and the Southern women prided themselves they were like Scarlett or way before the movie.
Is it inate in the South for women to completely understand catching flies with honey?
I don't think it is slyness as much as an innocence. Not as prevelant for sure as it used to be but definitely still understood.
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http://org.elon.edu/pendulum/Issues/2002/041102/Features/Belle.html
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=southern belle
http://littlerock.about.com/library/howto/htbelle.htm

 

[Elaina]

While it was my quote, I can't answer it other then to tell you I was raised that way.

I don't think the North and South now have a lot of difference in the thoughts of younger generations to be really honest. At my age, I'm one of the few that was raised that way. I also don't think Gone with the Wind had anything to do with it, since Southern Belles have been known for their sweetness long before the Civil War, even.

I do think some of it is with the response from the men whom it's used on. I know from my own experiences that Southern men are generally less self-conscious about it then others are, but southern men also expect it more.

I also think it's just a southern thang. Along with being strong, independent and passing on depression era tips and tricks and getting grumped at when you don't follow them.

On the other side to it too, Southern women are more likely to have their mothers back bite them, girlfriends stab them in the back and a general bitchy attitude towards other women then northern women are too. YMMV of course.

 

[Foofoogal]

but I wonder if even this is a result of it all.
As we know how to use the sugar we know when the other women are using the sugar. lol The right way or the wrong way. There is a huge difference.
I know I am in a new town and maybe thinking a bit too much but I definitely still sense the "rules" or the "southern test."
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On the other side to it too, Southern women are more likely to have their mothers back bite them, girlfriends stab them in the back and a general bitchy attitude towards other women then northern women are too. YMMV of course.

Don't agree on the mothers though. Most Southern mothers I know something along the lines of a Mama Bear or Lioness would be safer.

Southern men are generally less self-conscious about it then others are, but southern men also expect it more.

Definitely. Most definitely.

I had a conversation with a woman yesterday that sort of went like this:

My honey spoils me rotten (me)
Not me, I wish. (other lady)
What do you mean by that? (me)
Well, my husband is on his 5th. bass boat and I still don't have the swimming pool I have always wanted. (her)
They take alot of work (me)
You sound like him (her)
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I left thinking she needs to make more cake. ( now I just wonder why I think like this)

 

[Paisley]

Judith Martin said in Star Spangled Manners, I think it was, that southern manners came from Africa, not England.

 

[Elaina]

Never been to a town social where they're all talking about their daughters?

I overheard at work

"Judy JUST got out of college and I'm so proud of her. Of course, she's not made me a grandma, and you know how she places so MUCH value on money and stupid things."

Same conversation, other lady
"Gregory is SO handsome, but he acts like a girl. *heavy sigh*"

I hear this and worse all the time.

 

[Foofoogal]

Interesting Elaina. [huh]

I get the opposite of women bragging or even exaggerating about their children. No dirty laundry to be found. lol

 

[ladybrettashley]

Judith Martin said in Star Spangled Manners, I think it was, that southern manners came from Africa, not England.

That's lovely. Reminds me of a discussion i had with a gentleman from Africa who had travelled all about Europe. He claimed that people are notably less friendly in colder countries. Perhaps those of us from hot places know how to move slowly enough to be polite.

Though, polite is another interesting concept. Because, while most southerners are polite, that doesn't mean many of them aren't downright mean as well! "Polite," i think, has to do with how you interact with passing strangers. As compared with "nice," which has to do with how you interact with friends and what you say about said strangers once they're gone. Another southern friend and i came up with that distinction when we were in Belfast for a semester, because i didn't meet a single polite soul in Belfast (excepting a few Canadians ), but on better aquaintence everyone was nice!

I wonder how much of it has to do with rural vs. urban, though? I grew up in Houston, and all of this southern politeness seemed less prevalent than it is in my current, much smaller, city. Perhaps, on the other hand, that is just because all Houstonians are always in cars, and cars inherently make people into *ahem*.

 

[Lenore]

I wonder how much of it has to do with rural vs. urban, though? I grew up in Houston, and all of this southern politeness seemed less prevalent than it is in my current, much smaller, city. Perhaps, on the other hand, that is just because all Houstonians are always in cars, and cars inherently make people into *ahem*.

Ain't that the truth! And would be why I don't drive anymore. My husband does it all and I just go along for the ride. Carpoolers here always seem much more relaxed than single drivers. I'm sure the HOV has a lot to do with that, but it's also nice to have the company to take your mind off the ridiculous traffic.

 

[Foofoogal]

oh definitely. I just moved from around Houston. I don't care if you are made of sugar. Fighting that traffic and people all day will test the best.
Guess this is why I am now pondering all this as I am running into the Southern Hospitality I knew as a child again. Very refreshing but done with caution due to times I can tell.
Not that everyone was a cad in Houston area though. People are people and their are all kinds of course.

yes, they are still working on the same freeway since 1972 in Houston. Work in progress. The last few hurricanes cinched it for me.

getting offtopic my own thread.

 

[Foofoogal]

~Lenore
I might as well warn you, flattery will get you anywhere.
--------------------------------------------------------
Ladybrettashley
"Be feminine and sweet, if you can blend the two." - The Gay Divorcee
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"Darla- when he sings he makes me melt like a popsicle on the fourth of july" ...Little Rascals
me
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"Elegance is refusal."
-Coco Chanel (elaina)
-----------------------even all sounds Southern.

 

[Atticus Finch]

Heat and Spanish moss. Strange hot land of courtly manners and sudden violence, elegance and anger. A curious mixture: the white-columned houses high on the green hills, the shacks down in the dark valleys. Land of black and white, no grays. The South was a well-bred, well-mannered, highly educated man challenging you to a duel.

---Michael Shaara, The Killer Angels

For years, I've used a portion of the above quote as my "tag line" on this forum and elsewhere. I have always thought that it nicely reveals the complex dichotomy between Southern politeness and the often reserved or aloof---and occasionally hostile---true nature of many Southerners.

I think that, over the decades, a great many people have mistaken Sounthern politeness for stupidity or gentleness. I also think that most those people eventually came to regret their error.

AF

 

[Foofoogal]

a great many people have mistaken Sounthern politeness for stupidity or gentleness. I also think that most those people eventually came to regret their error.

aw. so true.

The real Southern traditions are passed down from generation to generation.

For those of you hoping to pick up a few tips about how to be a Southern belle, remember this: a belle is born, not made.

as with the belles the gentlemen of the South have their ways and rules also. Most definitely.

 

[Elaina]

Being a Southern Belle is also subjective to the region where you're from.

Texas is a lot different then Tennessee or Arkansas, even though the people are similar.

 

[Foofoogal]

maybe so. I find the Arkansans much more reserved as a whole but like I said people are so varied anywhere.

 

[ladybrettashley]

Atticus, that is an excellent quote!

Foofoogal, we do have a bunch of southern tags here, don't we?

maybe so. I find the Arkansans much more reserved as a whole but like I said people are so varied anywhere.

Certainly. That is, unless you reveal to them that you are from Texas - they can be quite unreserved with their opinions on that count!

 

[Elaina]

NO ONE is reserved with a Texan, and they expect you in turn to be both loud, engaging and friendlier then all get out.

 

[Lenore]

NO ONE is reserved with a Texan, and they expect you in turn to be both loud, engaging and friendlier then all get out.

You mean there is another way to be? *blinks* Well.. I'll be...

 

[ladybrettashley]

NO ONE is reserved with a Texan, and they expect you in turn to be both loud, engaging and friendlier then all get out.

You mean there is another way to be? *blinks* Well.. I'll be...

lol lol
...but that wasn't quite what i was referring to!

 

[Elaina]

lol lol
...but that wasn't quite what i was referring to!

lol lol I know, but it's true none the less.

 

["Skeet" McD]

Atticus, that is an excellent quote!

fftopic: And the rest of the novel ain't bad either: make sure you read it, not watch it (after many, many years of expectation in the Civil War reenactment world--and believe me, it takes something to make serious reenactors interested in an historical novel--when the film was finally made [as "Gettysburg"] it was horrid. Except the battle sequences. Turn the sound down, fast forward through anything that has moving mouths in it...and watch the rest). But the novel is quite remarkable. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread...