What is it to be a gentleman?

[dhermann1]

Shakespeare

Shakespeare said it best. This is from Hamlet, Polonius, referring to the players says:

LORD POLONIUS
My lord, I will use them according to their desert.

HAMLET
God's bodykins, man, much better: use every man
after his desert, and who should 'scape whipping?
Use them after your own honour and dignity: the less
they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty.
Take them in.

 

[Senator Jack]

We were always taught that a gentleman makes those arround him feel welcome and comfortable and, chooses elegance over flash when dressing for an occasion.

Huh? At the soul dances, I meet all sorts of septuagenearian African-American males still dressing in what could be called flash. They're all gentlemen.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Manners and clothes are part of it, but don;t forget -- nobody was more suave and refined and better-dressed than a gigolo. And no one would call him a gentleman.

 

[vonwotan]

After reading your example I don't think we really disagree. Given the context, the venue, it seems to me that were you to ask these gentlemen to describe their attire they would say something along the lines of festive - for the occasion. I would also guess that they might know one or two among their peers that they feel take this too far, that might be described as overdone or flash.

The clothing part of being a gentleman is subjective and must be taken in context - the venue, the event and the participants will determine what is appropriate. Part of dressing is showing respect for those around you.

Huh? At the soul dances, I meet all sorts of septuagenearian African-American males still dressing in what could be called flash. They're all gentlemen.

 

[Mojave Jack]

Here's a photo of a true gentleman.

Lt Mike Murphy, a Navy SEAL, was posthumously awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor today by President Bush. Murphy's team was under heavy fire in Afghanistan, but their radio didn't have reception in their position. Murphy exposed himself in order to make the call for re-enforcements. At one point Murphy was shot in the back, which caused him to drop the radio handset. He picked it back up and completed the call.

He is obviously a man of high integrity, sense of duty, and a brave and loyal man. That alone impresses me, but what really gets me? As he completed the radio call for help, he finished by saying "thank you" to the radio operator at the other end. Talk about grace under pressure.

 

[HadleyH]

i'm not trying to be the 'Oracle of Delphos' or anything here , but for me personally, a gentelman is someone who is nice to me, that's all.

 

[LindyTap]

I had a teacher in high school who told me a gentleman is one who holds the door open for anyone, regardless of gender, or anything else about them.

 

[Ecuador Jim]

Perhaps the definition of a gentleman is someone who seeks to attend to the needs and comfort of others before thinking about himself.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Being a gentleman is defined by good manners primarily. You know what that means. It has absolutely nothing to do with station in life, clothing or physical looks either. Over my life I've met quite a few gentlemen who didn't own a suit, may have been plain or even ugly chaps even having snarled, bad teeth.

Why..thank you very much! You are a gentleman and a scholar..Sir...

 

[MagistrateChris]

I want to give this a shot. But first, Mojave Jack, I must agree with you, and thank you for drawing attention to the latest real American hero. if I may digress a moment, and cite to my Alma Mater:

And when our work is done,
Our course on earth is run,
May it be said, 'Well Done;
Be Thou At Peace.'

Well done, Lieutenant, Be thou at peace.

Now, to the topic at hand. As I was taught from an early age, a gentleman is not defined by money, social status, family history, or anything tangible. A gentleman is someone who dresses appropriately. A gentleman shows courtesy and respect to all, unless shown that the person is not worthy or courtesy or respect. A gentleman's word is good. A gentleman does the right thing not because of the circumstances, but rather because it is the right thing.

 

[Lincsong]

It is a requirement to treat the elegant with fairness

i'm not trying to be the 'Oracle of Delphos' or anything here , but for me personally, a gentelman is someone who is nice to me, that's all.

And whoever isn't nice to you definetly needs a good swift kick in his .

 

[pistolpete]

Being a gentleman in this day and age is a constant challenge.

I should preface my comments by saying that I feel that the lounge is about style, for me. That said, we are all judged by our appearence. I think a gentleman should always put his best foot forward. The infamous Compte D'Orsay lead his life based on causing a visual stir wherever he went. I do not try to do that; however I draw attention upon myself due to my dress. Therefore a gentleman, in my opinion, should be able to keep his chin up and his ego down. Pete.

 

[CoffeeDude]

Quote:
In the days of chivalry, the golden age of our profession, knights(officers) were noted as well for courtesy and being gentle benefactors of the weak and oppressed. From their acts of courtesy and benevolence was derived the word, now pronounced as one, "gentle man." ... Let us be gentle. That is courteous and considerate for the rights of others. Let us be men. That is fearless and untiring in doing our duty as we see it.

--George Patton, The Obligation of Being an Officer, Oct.1919

I really like that quote. Personally, I find it much easier to dress like a gentleman than to act like one.

 

[Diamondback]

I really like that quote. Personally, I find it much easier to dress like a gentleman than to act like one.

With your av, that pattern of behavior fits. lol I struggle with that myself at times, but I'm still not giving up--I've got a standard to measure up to, even if it is impossibly high...

 

[Miss 1929]

Protective coloration?

Personally, I find it much easier to dress like a gentleman than to act like one.

Hmm...

 

[Spitfire]

As my grandfather said: "A gentleman is a man, who can describe a woman, without the use of his hands!"

 

[carter]

As my grandfather said: "A gentleman is a man, who can describe a woman, without the use of his hands!"

DRAT!

 

[cemetarian]

I was trying to formulate a response when I got to Diamondbacks post............and Georgie said it much better than I can.

A gentleman is a "gentle MAN"..............which has nothing to do with social or economic status...........it has to do with his attitude toward others.............

Just like a beautiful woman has nothing to do with clothing, makeup or hair styles..........but is the beauty from within that shines through.

 

[Mid-fogey]

There...

A status that entitles to nothing but obliges to everything.

...is really something here to think on.

I'm sure you could look it up in a dictionary, but there is a huge variety of opinions of what it means.

Classically, a gentleman was a person who didn't have to work for a living. If you read Benjamin Franklin's biography, when he formed his Junto club in 1727, one member was described as a gentleman rather than his profession because he didn't have to work for money -- the other Junto members were tradesmen.

By Robert E. Lee's time he defined it as:

The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone, but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman.

The power which the strong have over the weak, the employer over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly--the forbearing or inoffensive use of all this power or authority, or a total abstinence from it when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light

The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others.​

Clearly, what "a gentleman" means has been changing over time. If the term has a bad reputation regarding a paternalistic attitude towards women, I guess you have to decide whether it was was better to be treated with condescension or smacked around. A real (as opposed to a seeming) gentleman wouldn't do such a thing regardless of his degree of (or lack of) "refinement."

You've got to take the good in the past along with the bad.

 

[carter]

I was trying to formulate a response when I got to Diamondbacks post............and Georgie said it much better than I can.

A gentleman is a "gentle MAN"..............which has nothing to do with social or economic status...........it has to do with his attitude toward others.............

Just like a beautiful woman has nothing to do with clothing, makeup or hair styles..........but is the beauty from within that shines through.

Well said. :eusa_clap