AmateisGal
I'll Lock Up
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I agree that you should put the part about leveraging interest in Hawaii further down in the query letter, though I'm hesitant that you need to include it at all. Publishing is a notoriously slow business and you would be lucky to get your book published by next November even if you snagged an agent now and she sold it immediately. You need to find a way to grab an agent's attention WITHOUT including that.
One of the pet peeves of agents I've seen is when someone puts "fiction novel." The novel is, by definition, fiction. Also, I don't get a clear sense of what the story is really about - how the characters interact or what the HOOK of the novel is. It is also useful for the agent to know if you've published anything else and what your background is.
This is the query letter I used that snagged me several requests and finally landed me my agent. It might be helpful.
Dear AGENT:
A few weeks ago, I tweeted you to see if you represent historical fiction. You replied that you do; thus, I'm submitting a query for my completed 100,000 word historical novel, The Betrayed.
Five years ago in Hitler’s Berlin, Max Koenig made an unforgivable mistake, one that forced him to flee to America or face certain death. His position as a history professor at the University of Nebraska brings security for a time, but when questions about his past surface, he loses his job and his reputation.
When he’s offered a job translating the German-language diary of famous novelist Tallulah Stanwick in the nearby town of Meadow Hills, Max feels salvation is at hand. The locals, however, regard Max with fear and suspicion, certain an “evil Nazi” is in their midst. Max knows if anyone ever discovers what he did in Berlin, an old-fashioned lynch mob might not be far off.
Days after his arrival, someone steals the diary, and everyone, including the police, immediately pin the crime on Max. The theft opens up long-buried secrets among the townspeople that stretch back to the last war, and Max’s presence is a stark reminder of the town’s sins. With the help of local war widow Jenni Fields, who’s hiding a secret of her own, Max struggles to prove his innocence—until his past in Berlin threatens to destroy Max and everything he’s come to love.
I am the author of Nebraska POW Camps: A History of WWII Prisoners in the Heartland published in 2014 by The History Press. My articles have been published in America in WWII magazine and Nebraska History. I blog at (WEBSITE) have approximately 1,630 followers on Twitter (@WW2HistoryGal), and more than 10,500 people follow my World War II board on Pinterest.
May I send you sample chapters or the finished manuscript?
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
One of the pet peeves of agents I've seen is when someone puts "fiction novel." The novel is, by definition, fiction. Also, I don't get a clear sense of what the story is really about - how the characters interact or what the HOOK of the novel is. It is also useful for the agent to know if you've published anything else and what your background is.
This is the query letter I used that snagged me several requests and finally landed me my agent. It might be helpful.
Dear AGENT:
A few weeks ago, I tweeted you to see if you represent historical fiction. You replied that you do; thus, I'm submitting a query for my completed 100,000 word historical novel, The Betrayed.
Five years ago in Hitler’s Berlin, Max Koenig made an unforgivable mistake, one that forced him to flee to America or face certain death. His position as a history professor at the University of Nebraska brings security for a time, but when questions about his past surface, he loses his job and his reputation.
When he’s offered a job translating the German-language diary of famous novelist Tallulah Stanwick in the nearby town of Meadow Hills, Max feels salvation is at hand. The locals, however, regard Max with fear and suspicion, certain an “evil Nazi” is in their midst. Max knows if anyone ever discovers what he did in Berlin, an old-fashioned lynch mob might not be far off.
Days after his arrival, someone steals the diary, and everyone, including the police, immediately pin the crime on Max. The theft opens up long-buried secrets among the townspeople that stretch back to the last war, and Max’s presence is a stark reminder of the town’s sins. With the help of local war widow Jenni Fields, who’s hiding a secret of her own, Max struggles to prove his innocence—until his past in Berlin threatens to destroy Max and everything he’s come to love.
I am the author of Nebraska POW Camps: A History of WWII Prisoners in the Heartland published in 2014 by The History Press. My articles have been published in America in WWII magazine and Nebraska History. I blog at (WEBSITE) have approximately 1,630 followers on Twitter (@WW2HistoryGal), and more than 10,500 people follow my World War II board on Pinterest.
May I send you sample chapters or the finished manuscript?
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,