The loss of occasion

[rubyredlocks]

Ah,poor horsey...lol!

Sorry,couldn't resist.
This has been an interesting debate to read.I think you all have made valid points,but has anyone changed their mind?
This may just be a case that everyone just has to agree to disagree.[huh]

 

[carebear]

That horse was asking for it.

 

[rubyredlocks]

lol lol lol lol lol

 

[Miss Brill]

(whilst looking at a 1940's picture of my dirt-poor uncles in their suits & ties)

But that was the style. People wore what was in style--what was in the stores, or what they made. They didn't have as many casual clothes back then.




I haven't changed my mind. I still think people should wear what they want, and other people have no right to be insulted. It is casual clothes we are talking about, not nakedness, or anything vulgar.

I still see no disgrace in people going to funerals in the styles they usually wear. Why should a punk or a goth change into something that they aren't? What if someone thinks what they are wearing is nice & stylish? And what if what they are wearing is shorts and a t-shirt? If they think they look nice, whose business is it? Who is it hurting?

 

[ShooShooBaby]

But that was the style. People wore what was in style--what was in the stores, or what they made. They didn't have as many casual clothes back then.

I haven't changed my mind. I still think people should wear what they want, and other people have no right to be insulted. It is casual clothes we are talking about, not nakedness, or anything vulgar.

I still see no disgrace in people going to funerals in the styles they usually wear. Why should a punk or a goth change into something that they aren't? What if someone thinks what they are wearing is nice & stylish? And what if what they are wearing is shorts and a t-shirt? If they think they look nice, whose business is it? Who is it hurting?

missbrill, i agree with you wholeheartedly.

and when i die... people can wear whatever they damn please! i'd feel more disrespected by people silently judging each other at my funeral, than by someone wearing jeans.

 

[carebear]

When they are hosting the event, they can dictate the dress code. Barring that, respect states one wear the traditional, "respectful" dress.

If they don't want to set aside their convenience for other people, maybe they should just stay home.

It isn't all about me all the time. Not when it isn't my party/funeral/wedding. Be a grown up and put the subject of the event first.

 

[Miss Brill]

missbrill, i agree with you wholeheartedly.

and when i die... people can wear whatever they damn please! i'd feel more disrespected by people silently judging each other at my funeral, than by someone wearing jeans.

I always tell my family to bury me in my favorite jeans. I don't spose that will be offensive to my guests. lol

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

Miss Brill, what you said about goths and punks changing at funerals (or not) is so true. A very good friend of mine at college (who was a goth) died, and for his funeral we all went exactly as he would have wanted us to go, as ourselves. I was a grungey metal kid at the time and wore my customised combat trousers and blue jacket, with my friends all wearing their punk, grunge and bright neon cyber goth clothes and people rocked up from the campus wearing exactly what they turned up for classes in, because everyone was invited on the day to come and pay their respects, which had everything to do with remembering his life and nothing to do with clothes.

When my granny died unexpectedly I went to her funeral in the best clothes I had, some of which weren't black, and I wore trainers because as a poor student I only OWNED one pair of shoes at the time and she would not have wanted me spending money I didn't have on something just to say goodbye to her empty shell. I knew no one with the same size feet as me either, or perhaps I would have borrowed something smarter, but that would literally have been for the benefit of the other guests. Which was not the point of the funeral. I expect the elderly ladies and gents probably did look at me disapprovingly, but she was my beloved gran after all and she would not have minded.

No one is ever going to universally agree on one thing, and everyone has different ideas about what is appropriate. But everyone is being very civil, it's nice to have a debate about these things.

 

[Feraud]

Make your own occasion!

When times are tough you have to get together with some pals and make the fun.

Little Italy, NYC

 

[rubyredlocks]

I like that idea Feraud!

 

[Miss Neecerie]

When times are tough you have to get together with some pals and make the fun.

Littly Italy, NYC

That does indeed look like an occaision....


But -why- does Jack look like he is defense council to the rest of the party?

"Your honor,these here gents are innocent!"

 

[Paisley]

A funeral is for the family of the deceased. Clothing, makeup or behavior that attracts attention strikes the wrong note.

 

[jamespowers]

When they are hosting the event, they can dictate the dress code. Barring that, respect states one wear the traditional, "respectful" dress.

If they don't want to set aside their convenience for other people, maybe they should just stay home.

It isn't all about me all the time. Not when it isn't my party/funeral/wedding. Be a grown up and put the subject of the event first.

And this is the most important part.
:eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[Joie DeVive]

On Rights and Courtesy

I have for the most part been staying out of this one, because to a large degree, I am in the "I don't really care" camp.
If you want to wear a jogging suit to the opera, or a ball gown the grocery store, it is no skin off my nose. I work hard not to pass judgment on others, lest it be passed on me.

However, there have been a few statements made of late which prompt me to enter the fray.

The main one that got my goat, so to speak, was that "other people have no right to be insulted" by what others wear. Um, I respectfully don't agree on that one. You can wear what you like, but others have the right to think what they like of it.
As I stated before, I don't care if you wear a jogging suit to the opera. However, I think if you knowingly and willingly decide to defy what is considered conventional behavior, you must be ready to be talked about. Just as you have your rights, everyone else has theirs.

I do tend to agree with Carebear. In society, there are some events which are specifically about other people. At those events, it is courteous to consider what those "guests of honor" would be pleased by. By that I do not mean that you need to turn yourself into someone new, just work with what you have to fit what is expected as best you can. As an example, if a bride and groom choose to have a shorts and halter top sort of wedding, and you knowingly show up in a three piece suit, you aren't doing much better than someone who shows up in shorts and a halter top to a formal wedding.

In an ideal world, appearances wouldn't matter, but we don't live in that world. Like it or not, how you dress says something about you, and about how you perceive yourself and others. For the very reason that clothing does send a message, what you wear can be hurtful, It is very important to be true to yourself, but it is as important, to be thoughtful of others. So, I guess what I advocate is to do the best you can with what you have to make others comfortable when the situation demands it.

 

[Jack Scorpion]

I can go either way. According to a lot of folk here, I'm sure I've been guilty of the underdress. But the real crime, I think, is that I have a couple perfectly good suits in my closet that I never get to use. It isn't that I don't want to wear them. It's that occasions these days don't really call for me to wear them. And that is kind of sad.

 

[Miss Brill]

I hate to bump this thread, but I came across this photo of my grandmother's 2nd husband. I think it is hysterical. Did they ever not dress up back then? :eusa_doh: I have no idea what kind of critter is hanging off the back of his bike.

 

[Dagwood]

I have no idea what kind of critter is hanging off the back of his bike.

It's my toupee.

 

[dhermann1]

At the Ballet

My girlfriend called me up last Saturday at 4PM and said "Do you want to go to the ballet tonight?" I said "Sure!" Her friend, who plays in the orchestra, had extra tickets. We saw the American Ballet Theater at the Metropolitan Opera House on a Saturday evening and sat in the orchestra section, row X, right below the edge of the first balcony. I asked if I could wear my new sneakers and got the response I expected. So she dressed up nice and I dressed up nice and wore my newest vintage tie. Boy, was I mildly surprised at what I saw. There was a liberal sprinkling of men in suits and ties. But the majority (probably close to 80%) were in open collar shirts with jackets, with many in just shirts, and a lot in polo shirts. Nice polo shirts, but polo shirts. There was exactly one guy in a tux. He was in the very first box in the very first balcony, practically over the stage. He looked like Statler and Hilton on the Muppets Show. But cool. The ballet was magnificent, and the orchestra was impressive, but the audience was, let's just say, a mild surprise. I will add that the women, in general, were dressed better than the men. Almost all had dresses, some of them very pretty dresses. I don't recall seeing any evening gowns, but there were some long skirts. I suppose I should make allowances for it being summer, also.
It was a wonderful, glamourous evening, but still a bit casual.
Just another indication.

 

[dhermann1]

I hate to bump this thread, but I came across this photo of my grandmother's 2nd husband. I think it is hysterical. Did they ever not dress up back then? :eusa_doh: I have no idea what kind of critter is hanging off the back of his bike.

My guess would be fox tails, like they used to sport on old hotrods. The dude definitely looks cool. He might have been on his way to church!

 

[Vintage Betty]

I'm very sad...

...in reading this thread. I read through this thread and half way through the other thread on Funerals.

I worked in a non-profit for many years. On more than one occassion, I was asked to join a funeral, because there was almost no one in attendance.

I also was asked to do a variety of other funeral activities on a regular basis: direct parking, help out the grieving, help out the underaker before, during and after the funeral with the arrangements, join in the prayer services because there were not enough people in attendance (I was asked to do that at least once a week, usually).

At times like those, clothes don't matter. People do.

Let's celebrate the persons who had the respect to show up and grieve with the families. Clothes aren't important, but being present for a grieving family member is.

And maybe, until you've stepped into the funeral of a stranger as an attendee because no one showed up, you won't know what really matters.

VB