The loss of occasion

[Miss Neecerie]

...in reading this thread. I read through this thread and half way through the other thread on Funerals.

I worked in a non-profit for many years. On more than one occassion, I was asked to join a funeral, because there was almost no one in attendance.

I also was asked to do a variety of other funeral activities on a regular basis: direct parking, help out the grieving, help out the underaker before, during and after the funeral with the arrangements, join in the prayer services because there were not enough people in attendance (I was asked to do that at least once a week, usually).

At times like those, clothes don't matter. People do.

Let's celebrate the persons who had the respect to show up and grieve with the families. Clothes aren't important, but being present for a grieving family member is.

And maybe, until you've stepped into the funeral of a stranger as an attendee because no one showed up, you won't know what really matters.

VB

:eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

Best post of the century.

Thank you.

 

[dostacos]

We rarely see any type of "Pomp & Circumstance" ceremonies anymore, few attend any religeous ceremonies with a sense of awe and respect. So its the dumbed down society where every one is barely mediocre or average at best with no sense of respect and therefore no sense of occasion.

I went to a funeral a few years back for the mother of a friend and there the kids all came dressed as skate board punks, in rock band t-shirts, shorts and sneakers with AM-PM minimarket Big Gulp cups sucking on the straws. The girls were dressed as if to go to school, latest trend jeans and what ever t-shirts.

I was one of 2 adults wearing a tie, not conting people that worked there.
(It was very hot, I didn't wear a jacket.)

One guy showed up in his gas station uniform but at least it was clean.

Half of the adult men wear in shorts and sandals, most of the women looked like they were going to do yard work or excercise.

The concept that they were there to honor the person and comfort the immediate family seemed totally lost on the whole bunch of them.

The perfect atmosphere for a really stupid cell phone ring tone too. Which reminds me at Easter Services at least 5 cell phones rang during the service!
:rage:

A friend said to me once: "Poor people have poor ways."

Yeah Easter services, I love it when all the alarm watches go off.

When we had my Dad's service everybody was in proper attire. I think they were showing respect for him. That reminds me of my Uncles funeral. Everybody was dressed properly except one lady who wore a tight, low cut, plunging neckline outfit with high heels and it was bright red.

One of the attendees made a comment about her being dressed like a tramp [this was the late 60s-early 70s] and she was overheard by my aunt who turned to the lady and said. "She dressed just exactly as Bam [uncle, Alabama, Bam for short] wanted as a last wish and I for one think it is great!

Point is sometimes the seemly poor choice of dress is in honor, sadly it usually just bad manners

 

[dostacos]

As was getting on an airplane.

M8

back in the day, most flying was for the rich or business class, and the average Joe did not fly. now just about everybody flies

but now getting on an airplane is like getting on a bus, [or a cattle car] I remember when the crash position was head in your lap. Now it is on the back of the seat in front of you because they have added so many rows of seats and they actually served meals with real forks knives and spoons [not just in first class, but all seats and they were metal utensils] now some changes are do to 9/11 but others are to cut costs, like Southwests cattle call no assigned seating

Watch Endless Summer, 1966 following surfers around the world, they wore ties and suits when they flew, it was still EXPECTED to dress to fly.

I blame the 70s and leisure suits for the downfall of all things fashionlol

 

[dostacos]

There are a few groups that still have a sense of occaision.

I have an invitation for a "Change of Command and Retirement Ceremony" tomorrow. The invitation includes the information:
Military Guests: Service Dress Blues
Civilian Guests: Dress Casual

People have varying opinions of our military, but the military has retained the sense of occaision.

dress casual, no vest with the suit

 

[dostacos]

It's such a culture shock, seeing even small children in coat and tie "just" to see a movie. Nowadays, it's practically a circus where you're lucky to have people who silence their mobile phones (even when the pre-show "reel" asks them) and don't make loud, obnoxious comments during the movie. Basically, more people in the last decade just have no sense of respect to other moviegoers. They can come in shorts, a t-shirt, and sandals all they want, just let me enjoy the movie I came to see! That's all I really ask anymore.

they wear clothes totally inappropriate to being out in public I don't think I should be seeing THAT much cleavage, leg, BELLY etc of these young girls, I don't want to see the UNDERWEAR of the guys, put some shoes on too. and mostly don't open your #!&*^ phone and text message your friends all through the movie the screen is bright enough to be an a distraction.


Oh and I cannot believe the outfits these girls wear to church, if you are continuously pulling your top down because your "jelly" roll keeps getting exposed BUY A BIGGER SIZE OK!:rage:

I know I am an old fart [56 and aging] but heck try covering up a little and this place proves ladies can be extremely sexy while actually wearing clothes, and regardless of age the ladies on this site ALL without exception look classy and THAT is not an accident either is it:eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[Kishtu]

I remember back in the days when I used to go clubbing I used to spend a whole Saturday getting ready to go out (goths, eh? can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em...) - that was a sense of occasion.

Was talking about this with another lounger the other day and there seems to be a horrible culture springing up these days of anti-occasion, if you like... a sort of "who do you think you are?" feeling. That if you dress up, you think you're something special, some kind of minor celebrity.... and that you are fair game for public comments or insult because you "need taking down a peg or two". When the uniform for young men about town is cargo trousers and polo shirts, I guess I can see why they might feel threatened by a guy in a pin-striped suit - why does he not want to be like them? does he think he's better than they are? kind of thing.

As stated elsewhere, we went to see "Casablanca" the other night in full rig. Not only were we the only people dressed with style but no one else seemed to see it as an "occasion" - jeans and sweatshirts were the order of the day.

Sometimes we have dinner parties, and dress for dinner, for just the two of us. Why not?

 

[dnjan]

Eveningwear occasion in London?

I am in the early stages of planning a trip that will include a stop in London. I will have a dinner jacket with me for a different part of the trip, and was wondering if there would be any opportunities for a tourist to "dress up" in London. Would evening wear be reserved for opening nights, or would any evening performance at say, the Royal Opera House, be an appropriate "occasion"?

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

:eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

Best post of the century.

Thank you.

I hope there will be others.

 

[Gideon Ashe]

I am in the early stages of planning a trip that will include a stop in London. I will have a dinner jacket with me for a different part of the trip, and was wondering if there would be any opportunities for a tourist to "dress up" in London. Would evening wear be reserved for opening nights, or would any evening performance at say, the Royal Opera House, be an appropriate "occasion"?

NO!!!! NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do NOT take all of old that stuff with you.
Take only the smallest amount of clothing that you might need for travel and emergency.
The stuff you travel in, and a two days worth of "change in to"stuff.

This is your chance to BUY NEW for every occasion. You may never have the opportunity to do this again. Dont take a baloney sandwich to a banquet.
Capisch?? Vesthe'n sie? Mavin??? Get it??
Visit the stores that sell what you can afford (off the peg in London is better than off the peg in wherever it is you live). Splurge on one excellent item if you can. A pair of Lobb shoes. A bespoke sport coat. Something that you can have as a retrospection of your trip. No matter what you take with you, you will fare better by buying new on site.

Enjoy, enjoy,
Gideon Ashe

 

[Gideon Ashe]

I do like how the vintage scene tries to recapture occasion though in a retro artificial way at times. Sometimes the feeling is there and sometimes it's a costume affair with some in t-shirts and some in black tie and neither feeling the energy of the occasion.[/QUOTE]

Correct.
I to mourn the "loss of occasion".
Because of the hot/humid climate (in the place of my residence South Florida) I tend to dress down rather far.

Last night we went to little theater.
The show was a musical retrospective of the Andrews Sisters called "Sisters of Swing".
My wife, a natural wag, asked if it was about the female members of an African American family with a loose moral code. She recieved my taut reply; "Sisters OF Swing. Not "Sisters WHO Swing".

My wife wore a three piece outfit. Dark Chocolate slacks and matching tank top. Matching sweater. Plain gold hoop earings. Dark brown matching sweater. Dark Brown leather low heel shoes. She look as good to me as she did 43 three years ago. God help me, I'd marry her all over again.
Man. What a dumbass I am.

I wore a dark grey lightweight wool slacks and matching loose fitting jacket.
Black slipon shoes. Black polo. No jewelry. Just watch and cane, and some white hair.

We "schvitzed" in the moist heat. Dressing up more than that would have been punitive.

By the way. The show stank.
Badly.
A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[lyburnum]

This is actually a topic my boyfriend and I discuss a lot. Both of us love dressing and feeling smart. We dress smart day to day, and dress up for any event - whether it be going to see a band, going out for a meal or going to a dance or party. The two of us get a lot of stares - particularly when we're together. But I think we've found the biggest problem is in the day to day, not in dressing for events. I think my boyfriend suffers the most with this. He often wears a shirt and tie (dressed down with a cardigan) to his university lectures, and as a result frequently gets asked who the heck he thinks he is dressing like that. With me, I'm not impartial to wearing heels and a skirt to university lectures, and I can guarantee I will be the only one attending (in my whole college) wearing heels and a skirt.

I think the thing that bothers us is not only the loss of the sense of occassion, but also the loss of dressing smart altogether unless you happen to be a city banker. The two of us are in no way impartial to jeans, but when I'm wandering around looking at girls wearing their pyjamas in public, I start to wonder what the heck happened. Why do those of us that dress smartly get the weird stares and not those who don't make any effort at all?!

This is why the two of us love the retro scene and any affiliated events - I guess it's somewhere we can finally feel comfortable, and not like freaks for dressing up. Modern codes for dressing just confuse me - I never know what's appropriate any more.

 

[NoirDame]

Miss Neecerie, I agree with you in principle, but I stopped entertaining years ago because of all the things the Mike in Seattle mentioned. Guests don't bother answering invitations, they say yes and then don't bother to call or show up, they eat and run, they cancel at the last minute...for goodness sake, if my dog could use a phone and take himself places, he'd have better manners than that. The only person I invite to my house anymore is my best friend.

Happens to me, too. I used to throw really fancy Halloween parties...no more. People do not appreciate the effort, time or cost involved.

Basically, I got used to dressing differently a long time ago. I set a high standard for myself. I look nice when I go out. I set my hair every night. I never consider myself overdressed. If you look nice, you look nice.

 

[John in Covina]

I think my boyfriend suffers the most with this. He often wears a shirt and tie (dressed down with a cardigan) to his university lectures, and as a result frequently gets asked who the heck he thinks he is dressing like that.

******************
Although I might lead to a brawl, I wish he could answer that question back with a "Who the heck do you think YOU are dressing like that?! ----Or: I Know who I am, WHO are you supposed to be?"

 

[kampkatz]

John,
Clever retort. It might lead to someone dressing more self-conscientiously.

 

[Fletch]

Whoever's asking that question ought to be very sure of their place in the class structure. If the speaker is of earnest workingclass status, it might be an opening for some real dialogue. If it's some trust-fund proletarian poser, however, they can *@#!! off.

 

[Paisley]

Happens to me, too. I used to throw really fancy Halloween parties...no more. People do not appreciate the effort, time or cost involved.

Basically, I got used to dressing differently a long time ago. I set a high standard for myself. I look nice when I go out. I set my hair every night. I never consider myself overdressed. If you look nice, you look nice.

I did have a successful birthday party for a friend after I made that post. My guests were great--they even threw their napkins in the laundry basket and lined up to hand me their plates to put in the dishwasher.

 

[Gary Crumrine]

Don't you think there is something awfully pleasing about "dressing up"? The gentleman in a suit, his facial piercings temporarily removed, and the lady in a dress sufficiently modest to cover her tattoos?

 

[Matt Deckard]

ker-bump

 

[Hamilton_Honey]

Creating Occasion

I have actually read this whole thread and would like to join in applauding Paisley and others who are creating occasion in their lives for themselves and their friends. :eusa_clap

I have an annual Luau for my birthday and have really made it into an event that my friends look forward to. I have a collection of monkey-pod dishes and other island themed items old and new, leis, music, and of course all the food is home-cooked Hawaiian style. We do things like temporary tattoos and coconut croquet (which is really a "hit" hehe) and I try to keep a flow going around spacing out activities vs. food and conversation for the duration of the evening. I try to be gracious and have a relaxed approach to the whole affair, focusing on making others comfortable and it always makes me happiest in the end.

Everyone who comes has a good time and always says so. I know this is not a more "formal" affair or even necessarily a "vintage" thing, although everyone knows that I am stuck int he 40's. The spirit or feeling of it being an "Occasion" is what I mean to convey.

 

[Rundquist]

I play in a band with a guy named Victor Pantoja. Victor has been around. He started with Harry James in the 40’s, in an era when Harry would cancel a gig if Victor was not given the same housing accommodations as the rest of the band. Although Victor was New York Puerto Rican, for all intents & purposes as far as white America was concerned, he was black. Victor has played with so many greats, it would make your head spin. He’s played with Ella Fitzgerald, Dinah Washington, Nat King Cole, Sammy Davis, Cal Tjader, and Willie Bobo to name just a few. He was onstage playing with Santana at Woodstock. He was even on the road with the Greatful Dead for a year.

Victor always looks smashing. He’s collected a vast wardrobe of fine clothes over the decades. Sometimes he wears a suit and sometimes he looks more like a hipster. It all depends on his mood. But he always is a presence. Victor told me that his father told him that it didn’t matter what your social or economic situation was. If you were dressed finely/properly, no man could look down his nose at you.

With that said, I don’t care if somebody does look down their nose at me. “F” you. I wear whatever I want. We don’t live in an era were prejudice is acceptable behavior. A tie has never suited me. They are constricting and stifling. In Southern California a suit is hardly ever practical either. I don’t wear what’s not practical. The exception would be a funeral or wedding. I avoid those like the plague, however.

One truth about mankind is that most people want everybody else to be just like them (people made a lot more sense to me after I was alerted to this fact). Even in a little pocket society like the Fedora Lounge, many want others to be just like them.