The Holiday Party: Rude or Inept Guests?

[PrettySquareGal]

Every year for the past five years I have had a vintage Christmas party. Besides the fact that most of my house is vintage, I put out my finest vintage holiday plates, drinking glasses, tea set, napkins, etc. I used to serve an assortment of delicious Italian holiday cookies, flaky pastries and fresh fruit.

The first year I learned who to never invite back- those who showed up very late and intoxicated. But almost all of the guests chose NOT to use the napkins or little plates on the table and instead ate their treats over the floor and sitting area, thus leaving lots of crumbs and greasy bits on the floor that others walked on, grinding them in. At one point I bent to clean up after one fellow but stated that I had dropped some crumbs earlier so as to not make him feel ill at ease. Another guest got cream cheese all over her hair and hands and then sat on my couch. Also, one of my vintage glasses got broken when someone dropped the salt shaker into it (not sure how that happened).

The next year I did not serve flaky hor d'oeuvres, but still some people insist on eating right over the couch, floors, carpet, etc without using a napkin or plate even though they are clearly set on the table.

I think this may be my last party this year. I am not putting out my vintage best any more. I am going to assume people will be inconsiderate so am looking for "Rude Guest Certified" brand of snacks (no such thing, but there should be!) I know that not everyone understands that vintage is hard, expensive or in some cases not possible to replace. But when I am a guest I am always careful to respect their home and things, even if they are newer.

My question: Have you had similar experiences and if so, how did or do you handle it? Do I just know a lot of people with bad manners? I know that some crumbs here and there are normal and expected, and accidental breakages happen, but my experience shows me that most people I know don't attempt to be more considerate.

 

[Miss Golightly]

When I see the way some people eat in restaurants these days I am not in the least surprised that your lovely home sadly ended up in such a mess. Many people don't care about their owns things so they sure aren't going to care about anyone else's posessions/home etc. People don't seem to want to use napkins or plates - just hold them in their hand and eat them on the go - I suppose when you think about it a lot of people eat their dinner on their lap in front of the tv nowadays and don't bother with the nicer aspects of dining. This same carelessness is reflected in people's way of dressing - so many don't care and don't make an effort - shoes go unheeled, hems falling down are stuck with tape - the list goes on.

Fair play to you though for making such an effort each year and opening your lovely home to people (undeserving as many of them are!).

 

[renaissancemedici]

Oh, the carpets. What a nightmare! Can't you do without them? How cold could it be, especially if you have the heat on? Use wonderful throws on your sofas, to save your furniture. Use felt under your tablecloths so that nobody can ruin your tables. Find the most unusual and attractive paper napkins so that they will want to take one. Do not use your best china and glasses, and think the ones you use as potential casualties!

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Thank you, Miss Golightly. What you say rings true for me. It makes me sad.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Oh, the carpets. What a nightmare! Can't you do without them? How cold could it be, especially if you have the heat on? Use wonderful throws on your sofas, to save your furniture. Use felt under your tablecloths so that nobody can ruin your tables. Find the most unusual and attractive paper napkins so that they will want to take one. Do not use your best china and glasses, and think the ones you use as potential casualties!

My living room has wall-to-wall carpeting meaning it's not removable. My house is always 70 degrees. "Wonderful throws" cost money I don't want to spend when I already invest a lot in what I have. I'm not worried about the table being ruined, but the tablecloth, yes (although now I only serve clear fluids; no more fruit punch, etc.) I have tried imprinted holiday paper napkins with bright colors- didn't make a difference.

I suppose I could change everything so it's protected and safe, but then it wouldn't be the party I want to throw.

Thank you, though!

 

[Edward]

If they're that bad, I would eliminate the guests before I'd alter the menu.

 

[C-dot]

My aunt is very good friends with the art dealers/collectors who currently live in the Studio Building in Toronto (for anyone who knows who the Group of Seven are.) They have the most gorgeous, rare, and usually very expensive things. They also give parties, and their guests, knowing the nature of the objects they will be around, have absolutely no respect for them. Not that the hosts expect the building to be treated like a museum, but the way the guests act is ridiculous.

They have a clever way of solving it, though: They invite my aunt and I - and depending on the size of the party, a few others - to hound the other guests. If someone places a drink on the table without a coaster, we give them one. If someone is eating while standing and has no napkin, we say "oh, you must have forgotten one of these!" and hand them one. If people spill, as they are wont to do, we're right there armed with cleaning agents.

If you have family members or close friends at the party who value your things as much as you do, perhaps you could ask them to do the same. It's like you, but in 4 places at once.

 

[Captain Neon]

Bravo, C-dot! The host may be wont to reprimand a guest, but having other guests do it for you is pure genius. PrettySquareGal, in addition to C-dot's brilliant observation, I would also choose not to invite the biggest boors.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

C-dot, that's a great strategy! Sadly the aunt whom I know would be perfect for this task lives far away! But I will keep this in mind for next year!

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Bravo, C-dot! The host may be wont to reprimand a guest, but having other guests do it for you is pure genius. PrettySquareGal, in addition to C-dot's brilliant observation, I would also choose not to invite the biggest boors.

None of the people I invite into my home are really boors (well, the first party yes but I never invited them back). I would have never guessed their food/party manners in this kind of situation; they have a disconnect. C-dot's idea is wonderful and maybe I can do it next year.

 

[Dan Rodemsky]

That is brilliant! C-dot, everyone putting on a party or attending one should read this.

 

[amador]

Thank you C-Dot for the great idea. Perhaps invite some professionals posing as new friends to keep things tidy. In some movies from the Golden Age we see servants, maids, butlers etc serving, bussing and cleaning up. That may be a bit pretencious but "new friends" may turn out to be helpful even tho they may be on the payroll.

 

[Undertow]

Let's consider the non-vintage perspective to shed light on this situation.

Assume that I'm your typical 2012 male/female. When a number of my glasses or cups breaks at home, I am disappointed and maybe even a little angry. In any case, I sweep up the mess and toss it out. The next day, I stop at Target/Wal-Mart/Macy's, etc. and pick up a new set.

When I attend a party and see small dishes on a table, I know they're not for eating because I cannot possibly fit my fill on one little plate. Thus, these plates are merely decoration, definitely not for utilization. I avoid these little plates and hunt for a napkin. Ah! but the napkins are not made of cheap paper - avoid them as well! You see, cloth napkins must be washed and I don't want to foul them up.

Cream cheese in my hair and on my hands? No problem, that can be cleaned off the furniture. How about crumbs on the floor? The dog will get it. No dog? The cat then. No cat? Well...I'm sure the vacuum won't mind.

When people aren't in charge of regularly cleaning dishes by hand, or sweeping the floors, or maintaining a house; and when people have the luxury of stopping off for a whole new set of dishes any time they please, they simply don't understand the urgency of playing nice.

[huh]

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Undertow, you are NOT invited to my next party!

 

[Miss sofia]

I think perhaps inviting a couple of friends and asking them to help you keep an eye on the proceedings is a good idea.

Perhaps i could lend you my friend Mary. She is an excellent hostess, but perhaps like C-dot's circle, has a fabulious house full of lovely furniture. She tends to adopt the velvet bulldozer approach as i call it, which is when she spots guests about to put a glass on to that georgian side table, missing the coaster, will rush up and be all 'darling, i forgot to put down a coaster, how silly of me", or " darling have a napkin, i would hate you to ruin those wonderful trousers", kinda thing. Invariably as she is a complete doll and puts a positive slant on it, rather than making people feel they have been ticked off, seems to work.

I do feel for you though. It beggars belief that people have so little respect for other peoples' property and hospitality.

 

[Undertow]

Undertow, you are NOT invited to my next party!

(Oh sweet lord - I hope you didn't think I was referring to myself! I was speaking hypothetically; just an attempt to explain others' actions. You know this right? I'm still invited?!)

 

[PrettySquareGal]

(Oh sweet lord - I hope you didn't think I was referring to myself! I was speaking hypothetically; just an attempt to explain others' actions. You know this right? I'm still invited?!)

Oh! YES! But I might put you to "work" to police, I mean establish policies of neatness and order!

 

[m0nk]

These are all brilliant. I've been thinking a lot lately about hosting parties once we move into our new house, and was hoping to do it up in a more classic style (vintage is prohibitively expense for me, I'm afraid), but with all the drinking and what-not, the house could become quite a mess fairly quick.... especially since I do plan on having a fully stocked bar in the basement. I know we definitely have help around here that can keep the house in order while all the hubbub is going on.

 

[Undertow]

Oh! YES! But I might put you to "work" to police, I mean establish policies of neatness and order!

I'm a bit obsessive compulsive. If my duty was to ensure all forks be held at 45 degree angles and napkins used on the corners of mouths, and plates be held in left hands while munching crumblies; and if one needed a tireless officer of glass-breaking laws, I would carry a big stick...and walk loudly.

My lady and I plan to entertain in the future. I'm already dreading the inevitable breakage of crystal tumblers, shattering of fine china and spillage of expensive cognacs.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I'm a bit obsessive compulsive. If my duty was to ensure all forks be held at 45 degree angles and napkins used on the corners of mouths, and plates be held in left hands while munching crumblies; and if one needed a tireless officer of glass-breaking laws, I would carry a big stick...and walk loudly.

My lady and I plan to entertain in the future. I'm already dreading the inevitable breakage of crystal tumblers, shattering of fine china and spillage of expensive cognacs.

Maybe there's a polite way to ask for a deposit in advance. Like a $200 ebay gift card or something....