The Holiday Party: Rude or Inept Guests?

[PrettySquareGal]

The other thing you could do is look into getting some vintage restaurantware. It's normally tough as rocks and cheap and sold in large quanities. (That's mainly what I use for larger parties.) The only warning is that in a war between restaurantware and your floor tiles, the restaurantware will win.

I'm not willing to spend a fortune on this. In fact, this is becoming less and less fun.

 

[PADDY]

If, as you claim, "it is becoming less fun," then either have only a select few to sit around a table in a controlled way, or...it might be time just to take a break from hosting.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

If, as you claim, "it is becoming less fun," then either have only a select few to sit around a table in a controlled way, or...it might be time just to take a break from hosting.

Trying to figure out how to have a clod-proof holiday by making multiple adjustments and purchases makes it less fun. I like the idea of inexpensive but vintage paper plates/cups and undercover cops. If that fails, then it's time to give up!

 

[Miss sofia]

I agree with Paddy. Perhaps it's time to call it a day, if you're not enjoying yourself anymore. I do feel for you.

I do think Sheeplady has a point though, you can pick up cute, retro crockery and glasses really reasonably. Non matching sets of glasses are rather de rigeur these days apparently, as is pretty, non-matching vintage crockery. (I've obviously been a trend setter for years without realising it)!

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Thanks everyone for your ideas! I'm all set!

 

[Gregg Axley]

I've been following your trend too Miss Sofia.
After reading through this thread, I've come to the realization that not entertaining at my house is a blessing.
I did so about 15yrs ago, for a Sunday School party. Sure it went well, but some smart guest covered one of my art pieces with aluminum foil in strategic places (Statue of David). [huh] No spills though, and nothing broken. But I've seen those parties PSG as my sister has hosted through the years.
Maybe not recarpeting my house (to get rid of mid pile shag), and not redoing the kitchen, is a good thing.
I'm not as apt to suggest coming to my house to a group of people that way, at least not while my wife is around.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Gregg, if my experience, posts and thread save just ONE dish, it's worth it. Happy to help with your decision.

 

[sheeplady]

Non matching sets of glasses are rather de rigeur these days apparently, as is pretty, non-matching vintage crockery. (I've obviously been a trend setter for years without realising it)!

If stuff had to match I'd never get dinner on the table. Seriously.


The restaurantware I am talking about is about $5 a crateful. I understand not wanting to do that, it is heavy and hard to store and doesn't suit everyone's tastes. But I'm a huge fan, personally. But I've decided no tile floors.

 

[fortworthgal]

^ We used to collect restaurantware and had tons of it - recently gave most of it away to friends. You're right, it is cheap, made in USA, and durable. Good stuff!

We host parties 2-3 times per year for upwards of 30-40 people in our home. We do all the things that everyone's advised against - we serve copious amounts of alcohol and all sorts of messy foods ranging from steak to bbq brisket and beans, red wine, and all sorts of creamy hors d'oeuvres. :lol: I've never had any major issues, except for one year when an intoxicated guest spilled red wine on a table runner, but it wasn't a priceless item or antique, so I just bought a replacement. I'm not saying that you're wrong for feeling annoyed, but quite honestly I think if you want to host parties involving food & beverages, you really need to have a more laid-back approach. Stressing over crumbs and how to make sure everyone has a napkin will drive you insane. I've come to accept that having 30 people in my home with food & beverages is going to mean additional cleanup later. I go in prepared for vacuuming up crumbs, picking up stray crumpled napkins or empty soda/beer cans, or the abandoned half-eaten plate someone left on a side table in the living area. That's just part of hosting. Even the most respectful guest is occasionally going to drop some crumbs, spill a drink, or forget setting a drink down somewhere. I've done it myself a few times. It happens. Our home and furnishings are very nice, but it is not a museum. I want people to feel comfortable.

I've used our china, but we have enough that if something breaks (which has not happened, to date) it isn't a huge deal. If you're serving off one-of-a-kind items that are not replaceable, you may want to rethink that. Accidents do happen.

That said, I do keep an eye on things and if I see a plate or glass too close to the edge of a table, I walk over and nudge it in slightly and comment about it making me nervous. If I see someone set a drink down without a coaster, I will walk over, pick up their drink, and set a coaster underneath it. If I see someone walking around with a handful of crackers, I'll hand them a plate and say, "We have plates!" with a big smile and a pat on the back. My friends know I'm very straightforward, and I don't think it is rude in the least. You just need to do it with a friendly touch. It is, after all, your home.

 

[C-dot]

That said, I do keep an eye on things and if I see a plate or glass too close to the edge of a table, I walk over and nudge it in slightly and comment about it making me nervous. If I see someone set a drink down without a coaster, I will walk over, pick up their drink, and set a coaster underneath it. If I see someone walking around with a handful of crackers, I'll hand them a plate and say, "We have plates!" with a big smile and a pat on the back. My friends know I'm very straightforward, and I don't think it is rude in the least. You just need to do it with a friendly touch. It is, after all, your home.

I think that's all PrettySquareGal and the rest of us meant. We all know that even the most well meaning guest can have a mishap, it's just that the majority of guests are not well meaning. Having people around is fun, but not when they're reckless with your home.

(It's too easy to become a hermit these days )

 

[fortworthgal]

You know I love you, C-Dot, but I have to disagree with you this time. I don't agree that the majority of guests are not well-meaning. I guess I just don't see carpet crumbs or 1 broken glass as a major issue. Those things just happen sometimes when you host a party.

No offense, but it sounds like the OP wants a more formal controlled dinner party instead of a cocktail/buffet setting.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I think that's all PrettySquareGal and the rest of us meant. We all know that even the most well meaning guest can have a mishap, it's just that the majority of guests are not well meaning. Having people around is fun, but not when they're reckless with your home.

(It's too easy to become a hermit these days )

Thank you for eloquently stating what I feel. Right now I'm cranky and wasn't feeling so diplomatic.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

You know I love you, C-Dot, but I have to disagree with you this time. I don't agree that the majority of guests are not well-meaning. I guess I just don't see carpet crumbs or 1 broken glass as a major issue. Those things just happen sometimes when you host a party.

No offense, but it sounds like the OP wants a more formal controlled dinner party instead of a cocktail/buffet setting.

You can infer what you wish, but I have stated clearly what I wanted: a vintage party with respectful guests. The rest is conjecture and assumption.

 

[rue]

May I ask.... what is the average age of the people you invite?

 

[PrettySquareGal]

May I ask.... what is the average age of the people you invite?

All ages. I will say that the older folks are the most respectful. My problems have been with the younger invites (20s-30s).

 

[fortworthgal]

You can infer what you wish, but I have stated clearly what I wanted: a vintage party with respectful guests. The rest is conjecture and assumption.

Conjecture & assumption aside, we've managed to do just this for several years without any problems - and we served a full dinner & alcoholic drinks buffet style at last year's holiday party.

The majority of people behave the way they would in their own homes. I would not necessarily characterize this as reckless or outright disrespectful behavior - perhaps just less refined than we would ideally like in a perfect glossy Mad Men cocktail party world. This will likely require some intervention from you or others as far as doling out coasters and napkins, if you wish to keep things neat.

I believe your solution is to simply be more proactive about monitoring the guests - either by yourself or by asking other friends to help you. Also I'd avoid using items that you'll be heartsick over if something is damaged or ruined, such as irreplaceable antique glasses or dishes.

 

[rue]

All ages. I will say that the older folks are the most respectful. My problems have been with the younger invites (20s-30s).

That makes sense.... The reason I asked, was that I've noticed most people in my age group (40s) and older seem to be fine, but the younger ages (excluding our younger loungers of course) don't seem to have any idea how to handle themselves in a formal environment. My mother had formal parties all the time when I was a kid, so I learned from experience watching how the adults acted, but I think that in later years it was less common for folks to do that sort of thing, so they have no idea what is expected of them. I wonder if you should maybe exclude the younger guests that are the problem? I know it would be hard to do that if they're friends of yours, but it sounds like you would have a more relaxing time with people that respected your things.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Conjecture & assumption aside, we've managed to do just this for several years without any problems - and we served a full dinner & alcoholic drinks buffet style at last year's holiday party.

The majority of people behave the way they would in their own homes. I would not necessarily characterize this as reckless or outright disrespectful behavior - perhaps just less refined than we would ideally like in a perfect glossy Mad Men cocktail party world. This will likely require some intervention from you or others as far as doling out coasters and napkins, if you wish to keep things neat.

I believe your solution is to simply be more proactive about monitoring the guests - either by yourself or by asking other friends to help you. Also I'd avoid using items that you'll be heartsick over if something is damaged or ruined, such as irreplaceable antique glasses or dishes.

The solution you offer was already posted here numerous times. The judgement of my ability to be a good and capable host was not yet offered until now.

Bartenders, could you please close this thread- it has served its purpose. Thank you.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

That makes sense.... The reason I asked, was that I've noticed most people in my age group (40s) and older seem to be fine, but the younger ages (excluding our younger loungers of course) don't seem to have any idea how to handle themselves in a formal environment. My mother had formal parties all the time when I was a kid, so I learned from experience watching how the adults acted, but I think that in later years it was less common for folks to do that sort of thing, so they have no idea what is expected of them. I wonder if you should maybe exclude the younger guests that are the problem? I know it would be hard to do that if they're friends of yours, but it sounds like you would have a more relaxing time with people that respected your things.

Oh, this year everyone coming is older than I am!

 

[fortworthgal]

I saw no judgment of your hosting ability, simply suggestions on how to approach the offending guests. I was just offering my .02, sorry if it was already posted by others as well.