- Messages
- 4,477
- Location
- Shenandoah Valley, Virginia, USA
Well, you're right about one thing, Sheeplady, we're going to have to disagree. I don't think anyone here has referenced an individual "overcome" with grief, but rather people overcome with a lack of empathy and/or common sense. I just returned from my father-in-law's funeral, and saw some of the very same buffoons mentioned here. It had nothing to do with grief, but everything to do with a complete lack of respect for anyone else. All the excuse making and wearing of blinders in the world won't change that. All that accomplishes is enabling these thoughtless cretins! If someone was in fact overcome with grief, then I would have no problem whatsoever helping them in any way possible, but that is NOT what we are talking about here.
I think that's fine that we disagree. I just hesitate to judge anyone who is close to the deceased at a funeral, and I know that sometimes outwards appearances are deceiving. I am a bit disturbed by the idea that a loved one of mine could show up obviously out of it at my funeral and be "judged" for looking rumpled, rather than others seeing it as a call for help. My first thought at seeing someone at a funeral (who I know) who is acting strangely or dressed strangely would be "maybe they need some help."
In my first statement, I clarified that it is different for the general mass of attendees who are there to support the close loved ones of the deceased, because obviously they aren't overcome with grief. In fact, I said, "I think that while it is totally acceptable to be critical of the clothing of the general mass of people at the funeral who are there to support the mourners (and not that close to the deceased), people close to the deceased should be off limits for criticism on that day." My second statement was responding to the fact that I think that it is the responsibility of others to care for those who are not able to do so on their own, rather than having them miss an event that they want to attend for support.
Are there people who have always been inappropriate, like in Rue's example? Sure. But their behavior is not specific to funerals and is not just specific to dressing inappropriately. I go to a lot of funerals where I don't know everyone in the decreased's family or close circle of friends. It's not my business to decide if they are rude or just having a hard time. People deal with grief in different ways.