So trivial, yet it really ticks you off.

[Fading Fast]

So many dealers, so few collectors...

At present I have a couple of high-end items listed on eBay which I would like a certain amount for, and it's been a frustrating experience. And it seems the higher end it is, instead of attracting the serious collector who has the money, it just brings out the jokers who are pulling your leg or worse, dealers who make insultingly lowball offers . One of the items I have listed is $1,800 Buy It Now, or Best Offer. This person messages me asking if I would be willing to go $1,000 to which I said I would. Now the strange part is why someone would message me first instead of just submitting an offer. But anyways, he then submits an offer of $700 -- this is after asking if I would sell it for $1,000.

That is very poor Ebay etiquette. The implication of his or her question is that he or she is considering paying that much: they are debating offering you that amount with themselves and think that by knowing whether or not you will accept it will help them make the decision. But by asking you if you would accept $1000, they are - and should understand that they are - effectively saying "if I do decide to show you a offer, it will be $1000." After asking you if you would accept $1000 and you confirming that you would, it is extremely unprofessional and rude to, then, show you a lower offer.

 

[Lean'n'mean]

The potential buyer messaged, so as not to be under any eBay contractual obligations, to inquire if the seller would accept a lower offer, the buyer then knew the seller was willing to forgo $800 & no doubt concluded that he was prehaps more than eager for a quick sale & so 'officially ' put in an even lower offer, on the chance that it be accepted. If the buyer really wants the object, he can always put in a higher offer at a later date. I suspect he is working his way up to $900 & then the seller will most likely agree if he has had no other offers.

 

[sheeplady]

On my side of the family we have almost completely given up gift giving - a few stocking stuffers survive, I got my mom a few books - but we were never big gift givers and just wanted to stop so that it wasn't about gifts. On my girlfriend's side we have reduced the number of gifts dramatically, but it is just so woven into the fabric of their Christmas that I don't think I can do more. And she's reached out to her girlfriends and they've agreed to get together one night instead of doing gifts (with a few exceptions), so our gift giving is down a lot. I couldn't care less if I ever get a gift again in my life as I don't care that much for them and hate the entire "gift getting" thing. I genuinely would love Christmas to be no gifts, just a time of year for those who are religious to celebrate that aspect and for those, like my family, who isn't to just get together with family and friends. I was able to turn my girlfriend's family a bit my way when I pointed out that the best time we have at Christmas isn't opening up gifts, but when we are all together having a meal, just talking or watching a video (and pausing it to chat, etc.). It's the time together not the gifts and that view partially one out this year (we'll see how it does). And our reduced-gift policy has - to your point - reduced the stress a decent amount so far this year.

As to Giving Tuesday coming after Black Friday - this might be heresy and I might be hated by many on this forum for my views, but I am almost equally put off by all the aggressive come ons for charity this time of year. My girlfriend and I do and give what we believe is the right amount of charity for us, but constantly being solicited (at many cash registers, on the phone, on the internet, the street solicitations, the heart-breaking TV commercials, etc.) is obnoxious - and while the good intentions are respected - it has a Boys From Marketing, aggressive, manipulative, calculating and mercenary feel that turns me off. It's a balance - some gift giving is great, charity is wonderful - but the full-throttle marketing of it all - gifts and charity - feels ugly and grabby. I emphasize, I am not against charity (am for it, practice it and hope others will too), but I can't stand the arrant charitable solicitations this time of year.

I don't like the grabby aspect of it all either.

We have young kids, so we do gifts. Daughter (2) is getting a bed and mattress (she needs one to free up the crib for her baby brother who is sleeping in a portable crib), sheets, a comforter, some ornaments, and a bike helmet (she wants the helmet from Santa). Baby brother is getting a toy, ornaments, and teether. Both are getting a blackboard.

I'm asking for portrait pictures of the kids, and a set of cookie sheets. My husband is getting some flannel sheets and ornaments.

We do our ltitle bit of charity, but I refuse to participate in any "holiday drives" beyond our local church, toys for tots, and what I throw in the kettle. I do food drives, school supplies, cancer support, and our church year round, but I don't participate in funding drives that appear on giving Tuesday. I'm sorry, but I give the rest of the year... don't hit me up in December or November when I just gave in the summer, unless you have a plan.

 

[Stearmen]

So many dealers, so few collectors...

At present I have a couple of high-end items listed on eBay which I would like a certain amount for, and it's been a frustrating experience. And it seems the higher end it is, instead of attracting the serious collector who has the money, it just brings out the jokers who are pulling your leg or worse, dealers who make insultingly lowball offers . One of the items I have listed is $1,800 Buy It Now, or Best Offer. This person messages me asking if I would be willing to go $1,000 to which I said I would. Now the strange part is why someone would message me first instead of just submitting an offer. But anyways, he then submits an offer of $700 -- this is after asking if I would sell it for $1,000.

You should have countered their offer with $1,799.99!

 

[ChiTownScion]

My dad's second wife used to really go overboard on the Christmas presents. I think that it was because she grew up fairly poor and felt the need to make up that loss. She'd start shopping in January, gift wrapping and storing presents in a small room in her basement. By Christmas Eve, that room would be wall to wall, floor to ceiling with gifts: it took at least two hours to schlep them all up to the family room and spread them out on the floor under the tree. I would estimate that she spent between $5,000- $10,000, at a minimum, annually, on Christmas presents. Her first husband died too young, and left her a company that was doing well- so money was no object. Even though my dad married her after I was out of college- so she never was a "stepmom" in the traditional sense- she was generous to me and I usually could count on really nice clothes and other gifts. I know that I received several nice winter coats over the years, of a quality that were certainly above and beyond my means as a struggling student.

There was a price to pay for all of this, of course. Christmas was "her show" and essentially everyone else was just a player- if you get my drift. Everything was on her terms, and there was no negotiating: she knew what had to be done in order to make the holiday "perfect," and woe be anyone who dared to suggest otherwise. That dynamic really came to a head after I was married: my wife and I eventually got tired of the kowtowing and the long and the short of it was that we were estranged from my dad and his wife for eight years. No communication whatsoever.

We eventually mended fences, and I have to say that it was better after we did. By then, the company had gone bankrupt, and the Christmas extravaganza- as well as everything else in their lives- became a lot more down to earth. By now there were grandchildren, and things were much more toned down as far as the presents and Christmas was hosted in a much smaller home. And yet, it was so much better: we actually talked and enjoyed one another's company. Don't get me wrong: poverty as a lifestyle plainly sucks, and I wish it on no one. Yet, if anyone can lose their money and in the process recover their humanity, it was my dad and his wife. Dad passed away in 2004, and shortly thereafter, his widow was diagnosed with cancer. Her final years were pretty meager in comparison to the days past: she ended up in a rented townhouse. The result was, however, that the family pulled together to get through those rough times. In the end, Christmas was family- and it was something that money couldn't purchase.

 

[Fading Fast]

^^^ I know amidst the blizzard of nonsensical posts I send out, I expressed a similar sentiment to this one of yours (which means, I had an atypical, alert moment):

"...and things were much more toned down as far as the presents and Christmas was hosted in a much smaller home. And yet, it was so much better: we actually talked and enjoyed one another's company..."

Some gift buying and even receiving can be fun, but the only thing I enjoy about Christmas is the socializing - that it creates a event that, in my family (really, my girlfriend's family, as that's really my family now, too) to get together, talk, hang out. And it also encourages some of my friends and me - all pulled in a hundred ways throughout the year - to grab a drink, or dinner or something this time of year just to catch up. Had lunch earlier in the week with a good friend - we email regularly - but it was great to see him in person which we always do "this time of year."

I'm with you - I have no, none, not an ounce of romanticizing about poverty - but I truly don't think the gifts (especially a blizzard of gifts) is enjoyable even if "money is not an issue."

 

[Hercule]

We still have presents from last year laying around that weren't put away!

 

[LizzieMaine]

My mother used to go out and borrow money from everyone she could hit up to get us Christmas presents -- but of all the stuff she bent over backwards to buy during the years of my childhood, I still have only two items. Everything else is gone -- not just physically, but in most cases from memory as well. I often think about that at Christmastime, and realize what the real present she was giving us was.

 

[tonyb]

^^^^^^^^

Reminds me a bit of a friend's ex-wife, who was what might be called a "control freak." One Christmas, 20-plus years ago, she hosted a get-together which she accused one of the attendees of "ruining" for getting his car stuck in the snow. The guys, most of us, took the opportunity to escape that pine- and cinnamon-scented house to help get the car unstuck. And to drink and tell bawdy jokes and, you know, do that guy stuff. The only person whose holiday was ruined was hers.

 

[tonyb]

Boy, sure wish I could edit my posts. The up arrows on my post above might leave the impression that I was responding to Lizzie, rather than ChiTownScion.

 

[LizzieMaine]

That's OK, my mother is very much a control freak too. Not as bad as my sister, but that's a story for another time.

 

[Stearmen]

Boy, sure wish I could edit my posts. The up arrows on my post above might leave the impression that I was responding to Lizzie, rather than ChiTownScion.

You should be able to edit your post! Look at the bottom left, you should see tonyb, today or the date you posted it on, then edit delete, in small fine letters that are hard to see.

 

[sheeplady]

My mother used to go out and borrow money from everyone she could hit up to get us Christmas presents -- but of all the stuff she bent over backwards to buy during the years of my childhood, I still have only two items. Everything else is gone -- not just physically, but in most cases from memory as well. I often think about that at Christmastime, and realize what the real present she was giving us was.

It is very difficult to not spoil your kids. My daughter and I where in a store the other day and we saw a doctors kit that I know she would just love (two of her playmates have this exact one) and it was only $8. I have to tell you that it took a lot for me to pass on buying it.

I've been secretly tempted to go out all today and get it for under the tree. But we've already got Christmas planned, and although $8 isn't much, she still needs a mattress.

 

[GHT]

My mother is very much a control freak too. Not as bad as my sister, but that's a story for another time.

Tell me about it. I have a sister much the same. There's more than a germ of truth in the saying:
"Friends are always welcome. Family by appointment.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

Tell me about it. I have a sister much the same. There's more than a germ of truth in the saying:
"Friends are always welcome. Family by appointment.

You can pick your friends, you can even pick your nose, but, unfortunately, you can't pick your family.

 

[Zombie_61]

...Some gift buying and even receiving can be fun, but the only thing I enjoy about Christmas is the socializing - that it creates a event that, in my family (really, my girlfriend's family, as that's really my family now, too) to get together, talk, hang out. And it also encourages some of my friends and me - all pulled in a hundred ways throughout the year - to grab a drink, or dinner or something this time of year just to catch up. Had lunch earlier in the week with a good friend - we email regularly - but it was great to see him in person which we always do "this time of year."...

Spot on. I value the time spent with the people in my life that I care about--time that you can't get back if you miss the opportunity. Everything else is just unimportant "stuff".

 

[2jakes]

My mother is very much a control freak too. Not as bad as my sister, but that's a story for another time.

My mother is a control freak. But mostly with my sisters. Not with me.
This has been going on for many years & has been discussed many times
with my sisters.

I spoke with my mother about this & she once explained to me,

“If you & I have set a time to have lunch together & if for some reason
I call to let you know I cannot make it.
You don’t get upset with me son, or make me feel bad that I changed my mind.
Your sisters will. Also, when you get upset with me, you have never cursed or
said vicious things in anger like they have.”

On the other hand, my sisters have told me, “you don’t get treated or spoken to,
the way she does with us.”
There is tension in the get-togethers .
I feel relaxed with a few friends getting together & sharing good times
during the holiday season.

 

[Zombie_61]

My mother is also a control freak. But only with my sisters. Not with me...

You're her favorite.

 

[2jakes]

You're her favorite.

My mother has loved me without ever asking...

what’s in it for me ?

 

[Fading Fast]

My mother is a control freak. But mostly with my sisters. Not with me.
This has been going on for many years & has been discussed many times
with my sisters.

I spoke with my mother about this & she once explained to me,

“If you & I have set a time to have lunch together & if for some reason
I call to let you know I cannot make it.
You don’t get upset with me son, or make me feel bad that I changed my mind.
Your sisters will. Also, when you get upset with me, you have never cursed or
said vicious things in anger like they have.”

On the other hand, my sisters have told me, “you don’t get treated or spoken to,
the way she does with us.”
There is tension in the get-togethers .
I feel relaxed with a few friends getting together & sharing good times
during the holiday season.

There are no hard rules in family relations as Tolstoy so astutely noted about unhappy families, but I've noticed, a lot of the times, parents are harder on their children of the same sex (fathers on their sons and mothers on their daughters) than they are on their children of the opposite sex.