So trivial, yet it really ticks you off.

[Trenchfriend]

When our kids were young, and even ocassionaly now that they are grown up and not living with us, we've had our kids' friends over for dinner. We never "kept score" and were happy to have them. I can tell you that my wife and I are both good cooks from large families and an extra mouth or two at the table just keeps the leftovers under control.

Neither my wife nor I had parents who wanted other kids over for dinner and we're probably compensating in some way for that.

There are lower-empathic, normal-empathic and high-empathic people. These three groups are colliding all day. That's the way, humanity is, I think. Who got the "optimum-solution"?

 

[2jakes]

Yup. Seems that some folks just gotta keep score.

My dad --scalawag that he was in many, many ways -- enjoyed feeding people. And he was good at it. It made him feel valued.

In the case of kids, the important consideration is that you got a kid here who needs to eat. You may not be in a position to help that kid in any of the other ways that kid could use some help, but you can put some food in his belly. And make him feel an equal part of a human community.

Growing up & moving to another city because my father found a job there.

The house long ago demolished, was on the outskirts of the city.
Back then you could raise chickens & burn wood or trash in the back yard.

I vividly remember a little boy, Bobby was his name, he was about
4 years old.
He was tied to a small wooden baby chair in the back yard all day.
Wearing only his tiny dirty underwear.
At times he would cry or hum himself to sleep.
One time he was running around & came near the kitchen.
My mom gave him a glass of milk & what ever food was in
the icebox.
He gobbled it up.

The woman came over & angrily told us not to feed him as this would
spoil him.
I was 5. Anger, hurt & frustration were a new experience.
We soon moved when my dad got a job transfer.

I asked my mother in later years why she or daddy didn’t
report it to the authorities. She didn’t have an answer.

I think of Bobby & all the kids that for many reasons
are no longer with us.

 

[tonyb]

I just figure that grownups gotta watch out for kids -- all kids. And, having a couple of decades of direct experience with childhood myself, I know how quickly kids burn through calories, and how hungry they can get, even if it has been only a couple of hours since they last ate.

And besides, among civilized hominids, the taking of sustenance is a shared experience. We all gotta eat. So we all gotta eat.

 

[sheeplady]

Growing up & moving to another city because my father found a job there.

The house long ago demolished, was on the outskirts of the city.
Back then you could raise chickens & burn wood or trash in the back yard.

I vividly remember a little boy, Bobby was his name, he was about
4 years old.
He was tied to a small wooden baby chair in the back yard all day.
Wearing only his tiny dirty underwear.
At times he would cry or hum himself to sleep.
One time he was running around & came near the kitchen.
My mom gave him a glass of milk & what ever food was in
the icebox.
He gobbled it up.

The woman came over & angrily told us not to feed him as this would
spoil him.
I was 5. Anger, hurt & frustration were a new experience.
We soon moved when my dad got a job transfer.

I asked my mother in later years why she or daddy didn’t
report it to the authorities. She didn’t have an answer.

I think of Bobby & all the kids that for many reasons
are no longer with us.

This is incredibly sad. What incredibly evil excuses for parents.

One of the things I cannot stand, and I'm not sure if this is trivial or not, but I absolutely cannot stand the attitude of, "I grew up in a horrible situation, so I can't help how I treat my kids because I never learned how to be a good parent."

No, you grew up in an abusive environment. You chose to have children. Despite numerous sources at your disposal, you chose to not better your parenting skills. And rather than owning up to the fact that *you* made those mistakes as a parent, you chose to blame *your parents* for what you did to your own kids. That's, at best, lazy.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I just figure that grownups gotta watch out for kids -- all kids. And, having a couple of decades of direct experience with childhood myself, I know how quickly kids burn through calories, and how hungry they can get, even if it has been only a couple of hours since they last ate.

And besides, among civilized hominids, the taking of sustenance is a shared experience. We all gotta eat. So we all gotta eat.

That's how my neighborhood worked when I was a kid -- looking out for all the kids in the neighborhood was a collective effort, not an individual one. If you were spending the afternoon running the streets with a friend, you ate lunch at whoever's house was closest, and nobody worried about asking and nobody said "go eat your own food." Baloney sandwiches and Campbell's soup were cheap, and it all evened out in the end.

Discipline was also a collective effort. If you were doing something stupid or dangerous, somebody's mother would always be somewhere within view to make you stop. There was none of this "don't you dare yell at my kid" nonsense. Everybody felt free to yell at anybody else when yelling was necessary.

 

[2jakes]

There was none of this "don't you dare yell at my kid" nonsense. Everybody felt free to yell at anybody else when yelling was necessary.

Yep...I remember that so well, Lizzie.

I’ve often wondered, what happened, I don’t see that any more?

 

[LizzieMaine]

"Community" became a bad word, and people built high fences not just around their yards, but around their minds.

 

[2jakes]

I may not be around to see it but perhaps someday those fences will be torn down in every aspect.

 

[Fading Fast]

I grew up in a similar if not as "shared" neighborhood as you two reference, we ate in each others houses (and did thank their Mom each time, but never thought about not doing it) and my mom always had a lot of food in the house just for such occasions and always took food out when a friend would come over so that he or she didn't have to ask. Even my very frugal dad always wanted the house to have food in it for the kids in the neighborhood - he was very generous that way. And parents would disciple each others kids, but looking back, I could see that was starting to change. Some parents did complain when their child was yelled at (mine never cared how many parents yelled at me) and, now, we know that the legal desire to sue has curtailed so much of that "communal" parenting. I'd be scared to death to yell at someone else's kid today even though I'd have the child's best interest at heart - people sue and, at minimum, look to be offended at everything today.

 

[2jakes]

people sue and, at minimum, look to be offended at everything today.

I was visiting Acapulco. Took a green & white beetle taxi-cab to go somewhere.
The traffic was typically busy.
I noticed that the cabbie would honk every now & then. But so did every one else.
I also noticed that no one went into a "road rage to kill”.

I made a comment of how it is over here in the states.

He smiled & said something like, “it’s part of driving & nothing personal...it is , what it is”

On the other hand, I saw a police meter-maid with a screw driver.
She would remove the license plates if you committed a parking violation.

 

[2jakes]

I hate elevators.
But there’s times when I have no choice.

Mostly the folks inside the elevators are polite or courteous towards one another.

Yet place these same folks behind the wheel & I see visions of a movie...
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

(and I may be tarred & feathered for saying this)
but for the most part, it appears that women speed more so than men
on the roads.
(28 years covering news & traffic accidents)
But this is not totally fair, since I haven’t been all over the country
to make such a remark. Just in my neck of the woods.

 

[Bamaboots]

2jakes, as an operator of Doppler radar and an instructor in its us for about 22 of my 25 year career, I will only say that I have no further comment in regards to which gender speeds the most.

 

[2jakes]

2jakes, as an operator of Doppler radar and an instructor in its us for about 22 of my 25 year career, I will only say that I have no further comment in regards to which gender speeds the most.

uh...ok ...that’s cool !

 

[LizzieMaine]

I hate elevators.
But there’s times when I have no choice.

Mostly the folks inside the elevators are polite or courteous towards one another.

Yet place these same folks behind the wheel & I see visions of a movie...
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

(and I may be tarred & feathered for saying this)
but for the most part, it appears that women speed more so than men
on the roads.
(28 years covering news & traffic accidents)
But this is not totally fair, since I haven’t been all over the country
to make such a remark. Just in my neck of the woods.

I think the real problem is cars designed for high-speed interstate/freeway driving being driven on ordinary low-speed two lane roads. Nobody has any business driving over 45 on two-lane, but the cars are designed to default to 70, and too many drivers are too stupid to know the difference. When I'm dictator automatic transmissions will be banned, and drivers will be forced to think about what their vehicle is doing.

 

[2jakes]

I think the real problem is cars designed for high-speed interstate/freeway driving being driven on ordinary low-speed two lane roads. Nobody has any business driving over 45 on two-lane, but the cars are designed to default to 70, and too many drivers are too stupid to know the difference. When I'm dictator automatic transmissions will be banned, and drivers will be forced to think about what their vehicle is doing.

The times are ripe LizzieMaine.
We need recruits & a party platform.
You take care of the speeches.

 

[sheeplady]

I grew up in a similar if not as "shared" neighborhood as you two reference, we ate in each others houses (and did thank their Mom each time, but never thought about not doing it) and my mom always had a lot of food in the house just for such occasions and always took food out when a friend would come over so that he or she didn't have to ask. Even my very frugal dad always wanted the house to have food in it for the kids in the neighborhood - he was very generous that way. And parents would disciple each others kids, but looking back, I could see that was starting to change. Some parents did complain when their child was yelled at (mine never cared how many parents yelled at me) and, now, we know that the legal desire to sue has curtailed so much of that "communal" parenting. I'd be scared to death to yell at someone else's kid today even though I'd have the child's best interest at heart - people sue and, at minimum, look to be offended at everything today.

I don't mind if somebody yells at my kid, as long as they're being reasonable. I'm not very strict beyond ensuring safety, preventing property damage, and having manners, though. I don't care if my child has a second cookie if there's enough and they ate healthy. They can't have the whole dish, but if they're good and ask nicely, well, life's short, eat a second cookie.

I don't think yelling works too well as a parent. I prefer consequences. Delivered naturally or in an even tone. With the mom stare.

 

[LizzieMaine]

In our neighborhood the yelling was less one-on-one than generally-directed, usually from a back porch -- "YOU KIDS GET OUTTA THAT SEWER RIGHT NOW! YOU'LL CATCH HYDROPHOBIA!"

 

[Fading Fast]

I don't mind if somebody yells at my kid, as long as they're being reasonable. I'm not very strict beyond ensuring safety, preventing property damage, and having manners, though. I don't care if my child has a second cookie if there's enough and they ate healthy. They can't have the whole dish, but if they're good and ask nicely, well, life's short, eat a second cookie.

I don't think yelling works too well as a parent. I prefer consequences. Delivered naturally or in an even tone. With the mom stare.

All good points - and in truth, when I said yelling, to be fair, it really was more parental discipline or admonition from neighbors - well intended and, usually, correct. And, sometimes, outright yelling, but it was a different time and that style of parenting and discipling children was much more acceptable then.

 

[2jakes]

I don't mind if somebody yells at my kid, as long as they're being reasonable. I'm not very strict beyond ensuring safety, preventing property damage, and having manners, though. I don't care if my child has a second cookie if there's enough and they ate healthy. They can't have the whole dish, but if they're good and ask nicely, well, life's short, eat a second cookie.

I don't think yelling works too well as a parent. I prefer consequences. Delivered naturally or in an even tone. With the mom stare.

This is so true for me.
In high school, we had Mr. Gully, our math teacher who would be constantly yelling for attention.

On the other hand, there was Mr. Brandenburg, who when upon entering the classroom with all the
chattering & goofing off.
He would proceed to the head of the class & simply stare.

The room would go to silent-mode, you could hear a pin drop.

 

[sheeplady]

All good points - and in truth, when I said yelling, to be fair, it really was more parental discipline or admonition from neighbors - well intended and, usually, correct. And, sometimes, outright yelling, but it was a different time and that style of parenting and discipling children was much more acceptable then.

I think if it's someone else's kid, there's not much you can do except yell. It's just not really effective.

And I have had people admonish my daughter in ways I don't like. I used the cookie example because at a party on Halloween I let my daughter have two cookies (after asking the host). A woman (who I don't know) said to my daughter: "we don't want to eat too many cookies, we'll get fat!" My daughter, who's two, was like, "um, my mommy said..." to her credit and turned towards me, at which point I said, "she asked nicely and I checked with the host. She can have the cookie."

Cue the end of the night and this woman's letting her son gobble up all his halloween candy as long as he eats a baby carrot before each piece. My child could pick out one piece for that night and still has halloween candy. But two cookies will make her fat....