Rudeness

[Shearer]

Is it just me or are people getting... ruder?

I swear I'm no crotchety old lady (though crotchety old ladies usually have good manners) but the past few weeks I think I've noticed people displaying a total disregard for common courtesy!

I bought my first brand new car less than a year ago and two weeks ago I noticed a giant ding above my front right wheel which will cost at least $500 to get worked out. Was I wrong to expect a note from the offender?

When I asked to try on a perfume at a fragrance store the past week, two saleswomen bickered over who had to produce the bottle for me. The one who waited on me rolled her eyes at me and stared me down as she swept past me.

A woman at a local bookstore took a look at my ensemble and snorted at me.

The topper happened today. While going down in an elevator, it stopped at a floor and the doors opened. Two guys just stood there and stared, then right when the doors were closing, one of them took a drag on his cigar and blew it into the elevator.

[huh]

It would never occur to me to do any of the things I just listed. I like cigars and I really enjoy the smell of pipes, but I'm not going to go blowing it in someone's face. I worked retail. I once had a customer say to me, "I bet you're so stupid you don't even know who the vice president is!" But I just smiled and asked him if there was anything else I could help him with.

The thing is, I'm not a pushover. I have a wicked sense of humour, I can swear like a sailor, and I don't suffer fools. But I'm not rude to strangers. In fact, I think it's easier to be nice to strangers instead of loved ones who are easy targets

Has anyone else seen this becoming a common trend?

 

[Grace]

Ugh, unfortunately I'm noticing it, too.

I was always taught that when you're waiting for an elevator, and one stops at your floor, that you are to stand back, let the people out who are getting off, then proceed to get on.

9 times out of 10, I see people rush to the opening doors, leaving the people getting off to fight and shove just to get out!

I always say please and thank you, I always hold the door for the person behind me and I let people in traffic. [huh] Guess I'm in the minority these days, huh?

 

[farnham54]

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Unfortunatley, if you expect bad things, it's what you'll get. I agree, people this time of year, and in this day and age, are less the courteous; I believe it has always been thus.

However, in between the Cigar blowing, the bookstore snorting, and the retail bickering, how many good, polite, and just plain decent things happened to you? This is a question I challenge everyone to ask, and it certainly CAN be a challenge sometimes!

Just today my family and I were in a Fender bender. Bad news; but it was a sunny day, the attending officer was a real gent, and the kid who rear-ended us was extremely pleasant to deal with and very apologetic. Yes, bad situation, but it sure was nice to have such good interactions.

I reccomend, if you find yourself really down, to write down every nice thing that happens, either as it happens (reccomended) or at the end of the day. You get a nice view of the world from the sunny side of the street

Cheers
Craig

 

[Shearer]

Grace, yes sometimes I do feel like the elevator attendant! If I'm next to the button I always make sure to ask people what floor they're going to, and I always hold the doors.

farnham54, Actually, I'm not expecting bad things to happen to me. I'm really a happy-go-lucky kind of gal. I'm the type to make pleasant conversation with the person next to me in line or wave someone on when we both arrive at the four-way stop at the same time. I did make note of the cashier who congratulated me on my purchase of Wodehouse But I have been noticing a lot of negatives lately for whatever reason.

 

[Dan G]

Has anyone else seen this becoming a common trend?

I think its more than just a trend, it seems to be the attitude of society today. People are living and moving too fast, always concerned with only the task at hand. How long can you sit at a stoplight before someone honks, maybe a full second?

But I just smiled and asked him if there was anything else I could help him with

You're more tolerant than I am, this warrants that sailor's mouth and a loss of employment! Teach them to insult my intelligence! Oh wait... Thats why I joined the Navy, smooth out some rough edges...
Wishing you calm seas and sunshine tomorow!

 

[Sefton]

I worked retail. I once had a customer say to me, "I bet you're so stupid you don't even know who the vice president is!" But I just smiled and asked him if there was anything else I could help him with.

You must have a bit more self control than me...I would probably have answered:"And I bet you're so stupid you don't think I'll pop you right in the face for a crack like that!" and than I'd put words into action and start looking for a new job...

People aren't any ruder recently,you've just had a streak of bad luck running into them...

edit:oops,didn't read all of Dan G's post above before writing this. I guess we think alike on this subject .

 

[Shearer]

Well... I'm not sure I have as much self control as Sefton and Dan G might think...

My immediate response to my elevator companions after the cigar incident went much like this:
"&#@*%(# %)$&#@, how's that for common courtesy?! How about I kick you in the $*$@?"

 

[Cacklewack]

While I encounter plenty of rude people, it might not be that the rude population is growing at the same pace as we age and become more aware and hone our manners. Or we're becoming crotchety, vintage-wearing, manner Nazis (Maybe that's just me)! I'm prone to judge everything, especially those areas I "specialize" in. We who love the Golden Era often judge clothing styles, music taste, movie selections and all that goes along with it by a standard that is becoming increasingly unreasonable. I'm sure our parents and grandparents did the same thing.

However, to combat the seemingly increasing lack of manners around you, simply convict the boorish mongrels with cordial gestures. Hold the door open for minutes at a time, doff your hat to unsuspecting ladies, remove your hats in elevators, stand up when a lady comes to or leaves the dinner table. You may look or feel out of place at times, but if we don't do it, how can we expect the uncivilized masses to act well-mannered? I didn't pop out of the womb with a bow and a wink wearing pin-stripes -- I came out kicking and screaming and generally irritable!

Matt

 

[staggerwing]

Yes, people in general are more rude today, at least in the US, then they were say 20 years ago. I attribute it to several things. First, a lot of popular culture today (and for the past many years) has had as it's theme "it's cool to be mean." Second, all those kids my generation (and subsequent ones) refused to discipline have grown up to drive cars, shop in retail stores, and smoke cigars. And they still believe the world revolves around them. Finally, the world has become a much harder place to live in. The advent of modern technology means most folks "work" 24 hous a day between e-mail and cell phones. And at the same time, real disposable income has declined. In the US, we send most of our high paying middle-class jobs overseas to third world countries, so those of us who live here have to scramble even harder for the few that are left. Our cities have become much more crowded too, which has been shown to increase aggression in lab studies where they concentrate too many rats into too little space. The rats, which are usually social creatures by nature, turn on each other when it gets too crowded. Gives me a powerful hankering for the 1930s.

 

[Elaina]

Yes, rudeness is more and more common. I usually pop off to my son about why we don't act like that as it happens.

I find many things rude everywhere, even here at times. I try to just let it go and remember that I don't have to act like that, and be happy about something else. Of course, I'm not allowed in a Barnes and Noble in Arlington. When I was 20, some girl smarted off to me and I dragged her across the counter and asked her to repeat herself. So I've gotten nicer the older I've gotten (mellower, too.)

 

[Feraud]

Maybe this perceived rude behavior is a good thing in disguise.
Children generally rebel against their parents ideals due to the ol' Generation Gap.
Could today's parents be raising children who look upon their rude behavior and parental neglect due to the 24 hour cell phone use as something to rebel against?
We may be on the threshold of a generation of polite, book readin', free thinkers.

 

[BegintheBeguine]

At Citizens Bank they give me chocolate!

The elevator rushing to get on incident happened to me at the Roosevelt Hotelbut that was, um, over 20 years ago. I decided it was part ignorance and part rudeness, as at that time New York City was considered rude and out-of-towners who had never been in an elevator before probably thought they had to fit in. I explained that I had to get off before they could get on.
Nowadays, I have noticed that "You're all set" has replaced "Thank you" when I make a deposit for work at the Chase bank. I dread going to that bank. They reprimand me for bringing in coins. (People pay library fines with coins, so hang me.) I'm told to take everything out of the deposit bag before sliding it under the window: ha ha now you have to chase after all those coins Miss Uppity Sit-down-at-work Teller. Passive-aggressive, I know, but where do they get off fussing at me for doing my job? Would you harangue people who are your customers? It must be branch if not corporate policy to tell me to have an excellent day rather than "Thank you".

 

[LizzieMaine]

I get the feeling sometimes we're simply forgetting how to live as a society, and the rudeness and the in-your-faceness and the whole horn-honking door-slamming space-hogging back-stabbing ultra-competitive cut-throat culture that's grown up is just a symptom of that. When everybody out there is interested only in coming out ahead of everyone else, you end up with a very shaky foundation for any kind of a healthy society.

Maybe what really needs to happen is for folks to step back and say to themselves, "Is being the second or fifth or last one on the elevator *really* that bad?"

 

[Feraud]

Maybe what really needs to happen is for folks to step back and say to themselves, "Is being the second or fifth or last one on the elevator *really* that bad?"

LizzieMaine, you would get a real kick out of commuting to work in NYC.
We have the "Pavlovian runners". These are the people who are a block away from an elevated subway platform and see or hear the train coming.
These folks take off like racehorses to make that train! Bear in mind these trains arrive on a generally acceptable schedule. I can only wonder what reward or treat awaits them on that particular train.
Next you have the people to make it a point of honor to stand in a position to give them first access to the escalator off the platform. When the train doors open being second, third, or fourth person on the escalator is not an option.
I comment to my wife how these people must have the best jobs to want to arrive early and sweaty.

 

[jake_fink]

LizzieMaine, you would get a real kick out of commuting to work in NYC.
We have the "Pavlovian runners". These are the people who are a block away from an elevated subway platform and see or hear the train coming.
These folks take off like racehorses to make that train! Bear in mind these trains arrive on a generally acceptable schedule. I can only wonder what reward or treat awaits them on that particular train.
Next you have the people to make it a point of honor to stand in a position to give them first access to the escalator off the platform. When the train doors open being second, third, or fourth person on the escalator is not an option.
I comment to my wife how these people must have the best jobs to want to arrive early and sweaty.

lol

Feraud, I think you have the bones for a few New Yorker cartoons in there.

Pavlovian runners.... Priceless.

lol

 

[HoosierDaddy]

....and the little things. "Used to be"...a "thank You!" would be followed by "you're welcome!"..rather than "No problem". "Used to be"...approaching a stranger on the side walk would normally mean eventual eye contact,a pleasant hello,or hi,often with a smile..rather than finally looking away in stonedead silence. I always reply with "you're welcome"....always smile a passing "Hello". Sometimes there is no response..or just a grumble. However,at times,it can light up a passerby's face..with a seemingly stunned returned greeting. Maybe it made "their" day. Ever notice?
HD

 

[Elaina]

I lived in NYC (for less then a year) and I took the bus everywhere. I once was waiting at the stop, minding my own business, and an elderly woman came up, overburdened with bags and was trying to juggle her packages and get a place in line to get on. To this day I crack up when I think of her face when I said "Ma'am, go ahead, you've got an armful."

Of course, my friend I was living with (a native New Yorker) thought I was insane for talking to everyone. (In my defense, I don't think I talk to people that often, but everyone that I know not from the South claims I'm sociable.) She thought (and still thinks I'm crazy) when I ask how her doorman is (who was just the coolest guy I think I met there), or the fact that I knew the newspaper vendor, the hot dog guy, a homeless guy that lived around the corner and the Chinese food delivery guy by their first names (and in one case, I actually became friends with one of them outside of the business end of it).

To me, some of it's not polite. I just don't think about needing to be first in line, I know the bus isn't going to run off without me getting on, and if I have to stand, it's not a big deal. It's like knowing people you deal with on a regular basis, I always thought everyone did.

 

[Mike K.]

I live in Naples, Florida where there's an abundance of elderly seasonal residents in addition to the mostly middle-aged full-time population. There always seems to be rude people of every age, gender, and race that I encounter almost daily. However, I am appalled every "season" when the retirees arrive for their 4 month vacations from up north. These are the people who came to be known as "The Greatest Generation" and yet they seem to be worst of all. They gripe about paying a $3 parking fee at the beach (as they drive up in their Jaguar, Ferrari, or Mercedes). They make up their own driving rules on the roads. I once had a group show up the day after a direct hit from Hurricane Wilma and got angry with me because the wildlife sanctuary where I work was closed...duh! downed trees, no power, a partially destroyed trail. People act as though money or status entitles them to special privileges. :rage: I could keep going, but I agree with everyone here that aside from the notable few, most of society today just doesn't have any ethics or manners whatsoever.

My question to you - is it better to quietly dismiss a person's rude actions or assertively (but politely) point out such behavior as inappropriate?

 

[staggerwing]

Of course, I'm not allowed in a Barnes and Noble in Arlington. When I was 20, some girl smarted off to me and I dragged her across the counter and asked her to repeat herself. So I've gotten nicer the older I've gotten (mellower, too.)

That's not rude, just standing up for yourself. When we lived in Dallas, some twit "manager" at the Borders bookstore there accused my wife of shoplifting. My wife was like 40 years old at the time, and spent about $500 a month on books at that store (she reads fast). The twit was approaching her somewhat meanacingly (for a skinny guy with pimples, anyway). I stepped in between and said "if you take another step towards my wife, I'm going to break you in two." His feet stayed planted. We left. I later wrote to Borders corporate HQ. My wife received something like a $100 gift certificate from corporate which she insisted on using in that store. I made sure twit waited on her when she did.

 

[Elaina]

My question to you - is it better to quietly dismiss a person's rude actions or assertively (but politely) point out such behavior as inappropriate?

I just point it out to my son, often where they can hear, why this is not acceptable behavior and the consequences of those kinds of actions. (Like, "People will find you a boorish clout and not want to be near you if you act like that").

Otherwise, depends on if I've taken my medication for my social anxiety. But remember, most people that act in a rude manner will have no problem making a scene with you for pointing it out.