Old Fashioned Men

[Matt Deckard]

I gave up on being old fashioned.

 

[Matt Noir]

I gave up on being old fashioned.

You look too young to be jaded and cynical!

 

[Doh!]

I've always held the door for that ladies (and gents, too, if their hands are full). The only time I can recall not getting a "thank you" was when I was in college. I held the door open for an elderly lesbian (well, OK, I don't know for sure but the short hair and man's 3-piece suit were strong indicators) who just stood there and gave me a dirty look. After a couple of very awkward seconds, I just went in ahead of her.

For the most part, I've encountered polite door behaviour. Just last night, a female neighbor held the security door open for me as I approached it. She was in her 20s, too, so perhaps there's hope yet.

 

[carter]

Perhaps raising a daughter provides a sense of perspective. She has been raised to accept that doors will be opened before her and closed behind her, to walk inside a man on a sidewalk so she is shielded from traffic, to be polite and practice proper etiquette, and to be respectful of others. She is equally aware that she is entitled to expect the same from others. In short, I wouldn't know how to raise a lady without being a gentleman.
Old fashioned? I don't think so, unless civility and common sense have become declasse.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

Do you find yourselves ever being taken advantage of because you are old fashioned, or well mannered?

Examples

Being expected to pay, when the woman doesn't even offer to chip in at least for the tip in a resturant, or maybe you bought the tickets to a movie, she should buy the goobers, the popcorn or the drinks.

Opening a door. Have you ever had a woman just sit or stand there waiting for you to open the door?

I am a firm believer in please, thank you and may I.

Initial query: I have never found myself being taken advantage of because I'm being polite.

Examples:
1) I never expect a woman to offer. If she does, that's wonderful, but I'll insist on buying anyway.

2) I never give a lady reason to wait for a door to be opened.

3) So am I.


Lee

 

[MrNewportCustom]

The other part to my post response is:
What if you are NOT on a date. Just a meeting with a friend.

If it's a female friend, I'll offer to pay or surprise her by paying discretely. If it's a guy pal, he's on his own. (Or, as with a couple long-time friends of mine, we assume that it balances out and take turns buying.)


Lee

 

[Micawber]

I have never given up being a gentleman.

 

[Paisley]

Sounds right to me.

I tend to think whoever asked the other person out should pay, though even when I'm asked I offer to cover SOMETHING usually. And when we start out going one place and then afterwards end up at somewhere else I don't let him pay for something random.

Like once a date and I went mini-golfing and then to a bookstore; the golfing was his idea and he paid, but I certainly didn't let him buy me the gardening book I couldn't resist picking up.

 

[Fletch]

I gave up on being old fashioned.

I have never given up being a gentleman.

I will always be old fashioned, and still endeavor to be a gentleman. What I am thru with is trying to be a man. That's really getting to be a straitjacket.

 

[Undertow]

I will always be old fashioned, and still endeavor to be a gentleman. What I am thru with is trying to be a man. That's really getting to be a straitjacket.

That's a really interesting comment, Fletch, could you expand on that?

It might be a pretty good topic of discussion worthy of an entirely new thread: Men's and women's "roles" as currently defined, evolving, etc.

 

[Rufus]

I hope good manners are never seem as out of style or old fashioned.

I know, and see, people everyday who have no manners, and I truly feel their lives are poorer for it. To go through your day thinking only of yourself must be quite an unpleasant place to be!

I try and be generous, with time, money, and assistance.

That old lady you helped is someone's Nan..., the lady with the shopping is someone's wife.. the parent with the buggy on the stairs someone's loved ones.
I'll hold a door for anyone in need, regardless of gender...
A moment of my time to assist others' makes me hope others will help/assist the ones I love if and when they need it.

Walking the streets of London I have met some truly fabulous people. Pensioners who lived through the blitz, a blind man who'd once been a merchant sailor,ex servicemen now homeless... and I met these people opening doors/carrying shopping/giving money.

Hopefully people don't always give expecting something back, and personally nothing makes me happier than a heartfelt thanks, or a smile.

Rufus


Although...as a friend of mine always reminds me...

'No good deed goes unpunished.' ;-)

Wilde, I believe.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Just a small observation.

While all of you that live in the UK might think manners are dying out there....

It is still a -far- more courteous place in general then over here.

I spent two years there, where people still say thank you to service staff, and please....and do actually in general -try- to remember that society is more then just -them-.

 

[Rufus]

Hmm..

Quite possibly... However where I live in South London standards are definitely slipping!

I was in Vancouver in June, and was astonished how polite and friendly everyone was.. However I sounded like a tourist!

I've always found Americans exceptionally courteous, however most of my US friends are artists and writers...

Still.. I'll keep opening doors, standing for others, and saying Good Morning to others. Keeps me busy.

rufus

 

[Baron Kurtz]

t might be a pretty good topic of discussion worthy of an entirely new thread: Men's and women's "roles" as currently defined, evolving, etc.

Oh God, not again. Those threads are minefields.

bk

 

[Baron Kurtz]

I spent two years there, where people still say thank you to service staff, and please....and do actually in general -try- to remember that society is more then just -them-.

yes, it was quite remarkable to return to "please" and "thank you" in bars.

bk

 

[Undertow]

In my experience of US manners, people in the Midwest tend to be more curteous up-front than those on the coasts. However, in the long run, as in the case that you LIVE in the Midwest, people tend to be less polite over a period of time, i.e. snooping in your business, creating fantastic stereotypes, judging, prejudice, overall ignorance to the outside world, etc. People on the coasts and in heavily populated areas tend to be jerks up front, but tend to also mind their own business. I guess it's give and take.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

yes, it was quite remarkable to return to "please" and "thank you" in bars.

bk

I once heard a joke about it taking 3 or 4 pleases and thank you's to complete any transaction in the UK, and its generally true.

It was very odd when I came back, how little people actually say thank you and please here. Instead you get have a nice day...

I still -try- to be somewhere in the middle of things...I no longer say have a nice day -ever-.....but I do try and thank people and say please. It probably scares folks here though.

 

[Undertow]

Oh God, not again. Those threads are minefields.

bk

Hehe, well whatever we do, let's not get stuck on something like that again. I can see where that would be a problem.

 

[PA Dancer]

In my experience of US manners, people in the Midwest tend to be more curteous up-front than those on the coasts. However, in the long run, as in the case that you LIVE in the Midwest, people tend to be less polite over a period of time, i.e. snooping in your business, creating fantastic stereotypes, judging, prejudice, overall ignorance to the outside world, etc. People on the coasts and in heavily populated areas tend to be jerks up front, but tend to also mind their own business. I guess it's give and take.

Agree.
I live in Northeast Pennsylvania, which is about 2 hours from New York City.
I am also on the outskirts of the Pocono Mountains which is where a lot of New Yorkers and people from New Jersey spend their summers. The grocery stores on the weekends around here are the perfect place to see how down right rude people can be.

If it was just one or two occassions I would just think that these people have their own issuse and pass it by.
But to see one of these out-a-towners have a fight over a watermellon, not a hold a door when they know someone is behind them, bump into you and not say excuse me. Even going as far a this mother, infront of her child continuously tap on the glass to a store window because the store did not open right at 10am. (this one sent me over the edge).
I just want to cry for society.

I also noticed this when I lived in San Diego, California. People didn't talk to each other, road rage, etc.

Now, everywhere inbetween while driving cross country and all the stops we made, I noticed a huge difference in politeness. If you ever break down in a southern state you will have everyone stopping to see if you are ok.

 

[Starius]

During my last stay in Australia, I thought people were generally more courteous and polite there than they are here in the Midwest. Then again, that was a 6 week stay there VS my many years here. And we can be just as much biased against our homes as we can be biased for them.