Old Fashioned Men

[Rica Chez]

I try and live by the words - Time may change but standards must remain.

I do agree with you, Hargist. I do not think manners should be considered old fashioned. And I may be going off on a tangent here...but...

Go to the grocery store or department store and watch the checkout kids - They rarely acknowledge the customer, smile or say thank you. In fact, most times they will be talking with one another and just going through the motions as they scan your items. I have even had many of the checkout clerks talk on their personal cell phones with friends in language inappropriate for the public.

I am by no means prudish - I can roll and tumble with the best of 'em. I just think that manners should not be a thing of the past and that they have evolved with the times. A woman insisting on paying and me accepting is fine - certain things do evolve. But holding the door - opening the door - actually listening when people talk - being polite - these things should not have a linear timeline in which they were good way back when but are no longer needed today.

Just one man's humble opinion.

Well said... I have noticed a HUGE decline in customer service, good manners, consideration and compassion for others and appreciation... so unfortunate and heart-breaking to watch...

 

[carter]

A correction to Carter's post

[huh] Thanks, I fixed it in edit. [huh]

 

[$ally]

...back on the topic of YOU (se, 'all, n)
I think that sort of thing developed from languages which have different forms of YOU to signify; you my familiar friend, you some acquaintance, just you, all of you, hey you way over there, etc. I know in G?†idhlig there are several variations to help one be more specific. I really like that better.

 

[Diamondback]

...back on the topic of YOU (se, 'all, n)
I think that sort of thing developed from languages which have different forms of YOU to signify; you my familiar friend, you some acquaintance, just you, all of you, hey you way over there, etc. I know in G?†idhlig there are several variations to help one be more specific. I really like that better.

For "hey you way over there", at least around the college computer lab, that's what standing up and throwing a little Nerf-ball at the back of the other guy's head was for.

Then again, the lab-supervisor was in many ways kind of a big kid at heart anyway...lol

 

[$ally]

For "hey you way over there", at least around the college computer lab, that's what standing up and throwing a little Nerf-ball at the back of the other guy's head was for. Then again, the lab-supervisor was in many ways kind of a big kid at heart anyway.

lol I guess we don't need that one since the invention of nerf.

 

[Diamondback]

Considering that this was a very LOUD lab from all the big-boxes in it, where EVERYBODY wore headphones... (Of course, this WAS also a little community-college where every day was seemingly "Casual Friday"...)

Not so good for street use, though. Could escalate into messy consequences...

 

[Edward]

Why was I attracted to that type of guy? Maybe because they were the ones that needed the mother-caretaker-socialworker type. I feel needed when I am needed.

Female friends tell me that it's a difference in the way men and women think about a potential partner - men are either attracted to someone or not; women view a man not as is, but as raw material. I don't know how true that is. but if so I guess some of them like a challenge more than do others. [huh]

I suppose the bad boys are exciting for a while before they get tired of them, and then decide to settle for the reliable, decent but dull guys. But then I'm kinda jaded by this point, so.

I think this is cute! She is still looking at you like a little boy. It's very caring. She is letting you be the man to pay, yet she wants to give you the money. Too cute. Most likely she will always do this to you.
: )

Gah, that's entirely it. My folks have never stopped treating me like they did when i was twelve years old. What's worse, when I was twelve they treated me like a six year old. My mother is by far the worst - still trying to pull that "mother knows best" crap on me at damn near 33 (it doesn't hlp that she's the queen of emotional blackmail either). Hell, little brother has been married for some years and has a kid now, and she still treats him and sis in law like kids playing house. It's sickening, and probably one of the things I like best about living in another country. I've not had my folks to stay in my place in three years now because I can't damn well trust my mother not to poke through my stuff.

Believe me, getting treated like a kid gets old.

As to the restaurant bill thing.... really I think it's most symptomatic of my mother's hideously sexist attitude. She's had a job all these years and would deny being sexist, I'm sure, but really she's ridiculously in thrall to a lot of outdated gender role stereotypes - the on in this case being "the man should pay for everything." That and caring far too damn much what other people think - stopping trying to live my life according to how other people think is probably the single most liberating thing I ever did.

 

[panamag8or]

As to the women slipping men money for meals...

Perhaps they are still of the mindset that men should appear to pay, or that it might embarrass the man if the woman pays. That truly is an old-fashioned notion, but some women were brought up that way, as were many men. My wife used to give me the credit card to hand to servers at restaurants, even though she was the one who carried it.

 

[PA Dancer]

Female friends tell me that it's a difference in the way men and women think about a potential partner - men are either attracted to someone or not; women view a man not as is, but as raw material. I don't know how true that is. but if so I guess some of them like a challenge more than do others. [huh]

I suppose the bad boys are exciting for a while before they get tired of them, and then decide to settle for the reliable, decent but dull guys. But then I'm kinda jaded by this point, so.

You don't know how true that first statement is about men being raw material. I see it over and over again with women and their boyfriends.
From what I have seen, there are a lot of women out there that think they can change that type of "guy", thinking, I will be the one to show him I care enough that he will want to be with me. I was guilty of it.

BUT, I have noticed there are guys/men out there that will do this too. They have done it to me. It seems I am the person that they "almost" want, so they have this need to "fix" me with the "you shoulds" and the "why don't yous".

They say that you will repeat the same mistakes until you learn the lesson.
I took the step back and learned the lesson. Although I do slip from time to time and the mistake is not as nearly as big as the previous.

As to your second statement. True True True. The bad boy type gets old real quick. (and I'm sure this goes for men with that type of girl too) When you are in a relationship and you realize that you are giving 99 percent and the other person is barely giving 1 percent. It's time to learn from the mistake and move on.

 

[Edward]

BUT, I have noticed there are guys/men out there that will do this too. They have done it to me. It seems I am the person that they "almost" want, so they have this need to "fix" me with the "you shoulds" and the "why don't yous".

Oh, yeah. Usually I think that's symptomatic of men who think the lady is the "little woman" who needs told what to do.... that's never good. What I find far more common in men, though, is this odd notion that women are somehow "the enemy", and have to be dealt with as such. Total siege mentality, I really don't get that. Why be with someone at all if you think it's gonig to be a struggle?

They say that you will repeat the same mistakes until you learn the lesson.
I took the step back and learned the lesson. Although I do slip from time to time and the mistake is not as nearly as big as the previous.

History only ever repeats itself if we don't listen first time around. I sure as hell hope I've learned my lessons!

As to your second statement. True True True. The bad boy type gets old real quick. (and I'm sure this goes for men with that type of girl too) When you are in a relationship and you realize that you are giving 99 percent and the other person is barely giving 1 percent. It's time to learn from the mistake and move on.

I'd like to hope if i have the misfortune to end up in a relationship like that again I'll sure as hell know when to call it quits!