No Matter How Much You Try You Cannot............

[2mar10]

“Make a long story short.” When you finally say that, it’s already too late.

 

[2mar10]

... roller skate in a buffalo herd.

(But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to.)

Or “go swimming in a baseball pool.”

 

[Inkstainedwretch]

Go faster than the speed of light.

 

[Frunobulax]

Go faster than the speed of light.

You've never seen my dog move when she hears me unwrap a Kraft cheese single.

 

[Edward]

No Matter How Much You Try You Cannot...sneeze with your eyes open.

True. I've tried manys a time. I'd heard that it's because if you did have them open, your eyeballs would pop out, and I was determiend to prove that an urban myth. Probably just as well I couldn't manage it, on the offchance I was wrong...

...touch your elbow to your ear.

Or lick you own elbow, or touch your elbow with the fingers on the same arm.

Yeah. Severla hours I'll never get back trying to prove those wrong when I was an undergraduate and still young enough to know it all...

Lick your the tip of your nose

My little brotehr can not only do that, he can get his tongue some distance up a nostril. Fortunately he's grown out of that being his after-dinner party trick...

A person can be completely honest about a particular matter in a particular moment, but I get your point. Whenever I hear “to be completely honest” I strongly suspect that whatever immediately follows will not be.

I usually find it to be an expression meaning "I'm going to tell you the truth now, and I am afraid you will not like what you hear."

Around here if someone starts a sentence with "To be completely honest..." it almost always means that whatever follows will be unflattering, outright insulting, or an unpopular opinion.

Ah, a variation on "I'm not racist, but", a phrase which has preceeded well over 90% of the very most racist comments I have ever heard....

 

[Zombie_61]

...I'd heard that it's because if you did have them open, your eyeballs would pop out, and I was determiend to prove that an urban myth. Probably just as well I couldn't manage it, on the offchance I was wrong...

I had never even thought about it until I heard on the radio a lot of years ago that the man who "set the record for the world's most forceful sneeze" had a glass eye, and that he allegedly sneezed so hard that his glass eye flew out of it's socket and across the room where it struck one of the judges/witnesses between the eyes and killed him. Good story; never happened as far as I can tell.

Even the experts appear to be undecided on the best way to determine just how much force is generated by a sneeze; I've read anywhere between 10 MPH and 100 MPH. But while researching the issue they determined that some people don't fully close their eyes when they sneeze, which brought them right back to the unanswered question of why our eyes close when we sneeze.

 

[GHT]

You might not be able to sneeze with your eyes open, but can you eat a donut without licking your lips?

 

[Lean'n'mean]

Or only eat one peanut or potato chip/crisp.

 

[Zombie_61]

You might not be able to sneeze with your eyes open, but can you eat a donut without licking your lips?

Or only eat one peanut or potato chip/crisp.

That depends on the reward I'd receive if I were successful. Doing it just for the challenge or "bragging rights" isn't enough. Throw $100 or more down and we'll talk.

 

[GHT]

You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue sticking out.

Go on, you've just tried it.

Now you have found out that it's possible, but you have to close the back of your throat.

Do it in front of a mirror, you look like a dog, panting.

 

[Tiki Tom]

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

I can't quite figure out if I am an example of the truth of that statement, or if I'm proof of the contrary.

Or perhaps it should be:

"You can't teach an old dog to breathe through its nose with its tongue sticking out." (?)

 

[Edward]

Or only eat one peanut or potato chip/crisp.

With the right allergy you can, but I can't imagine anyone going that far to win a bet!

 

[Lean'n'mean]

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

Ah but you can. Unlike humans, a dog can learn new things at any age.
One day I shall put my theory to the test & teach a granny to suck eggs........I bet she refuses.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Tune a fish.

 

[Zombie_61]

Tune a fish.

Then why do they have scales?

 

[Bugguy]

I swear to God, it's the honest truth... usually proceeds the big con. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard this... My two cents worth.

 

[GHT]

You cannot square the circle, or think outside the box. Nor can you cut the atmosphere with a knife. And how, exactly does one: Turn a Blind Eye?

 

[Haversack]

And how, exactly does one: Turn a Blind Eye?

I rather thought that Nelson did that at Copenhagen.

 

[GHT]

I rather thought that Nelson did that at Copenhagen.

And you would be right, so now I know.
But you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

 

[Harp]

But you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

I had a law prof who tried that, ironically she was probably the finest, most gifted instructor I ever had either
in college or law school. We crossed swords unfortunately in class, and, afterwards everything I handed in was
returned bloodied in red ink. Eventually it all wound up inside the Dean's office. Nothing really resolved,
and she soon left the school for reasons that were never explained when I chanced to inquire about her the
next year.
------

Nelson caught a bullet at Trafalgar didn't he?