New to the Vintage lifestyle, first meet up turned into a disaster

[EliasRDA]

While I understand the anger that some here have expressed in a way it saddens me. Have we, who strive to uphold "the good old days", lowered ourselves to this? The threats of trashing someones home? the threats of doing them body harm?

I understand the anger, I am no angel myself & do have/had a massive anger problem that only in the past yr or two am I starting to control it. I figure as I get closer to 50 by getting so angry that I will die of a heart attack, add in diabetes so its more likely for me.

Folks, you do realize that if you attack someone, let alone in their own home you will possibly end up dead or in jail? Its great to talk about it, but if I was ignorant enough to treat someone like that in my home, & you attacked me I will kill you & that's a promise not a threat. I own guns, I own knives that would make a soldier blush, & if you try punching me I will use anything at my disposal to stop you. Whos to say that they wouldn't have done the same?

I also question if this was a setup but really, it doesn't really matter, it just made for great discussion as was mentioned, but some of the responses could be blown out of control & make us look like nuts that would beat the living daylights out of someone. (shrug)

I'm out,
Eli

 

[fashion frank]

While I understand the anger that some here have expressed in a way it saddens me. Have we, who strive to uphold "the good old days", lowered ourselves to this? The threats of trashing someones home? the threats of doing them body harm?

I understand the anger, I am no angel myself & do have/had a massive anger problem that only in the past yr or two am I starting to control it. I figure as I get closer to 50 by getting so angry that I will die of a heart attack, add in diabetes so its more likely for me.

Folks, you do realize that if you attack someone, let alone in their own home you will possibly end up dead or in jail? Its great to talk about it, but if I was ignorant enough to treat someone like that in my home, & you attacked me I will kill you & that's a promise not a threat. I own guns, I own knives that would make a soldier blush, & if you try punching me I will use anything at my disposal to stop you. Whos to say that they wouldn't have done the same?

I also question if this was a setup but really, it doesn't really matter, it just made for great discussion as was mentioned, but some of the responses could be blown out of control & make us look like nuts that would beat the living daylights out of someone. (shrug)

I'm out,
Eli

Sorry pal , but I for one would not tolerate anyone talking to me that way ,they would get what they give and when I was younger I used to get my a@@ kicked and also kicked a lot of a@@ and didn't care which way it went down once someone p*@@ed me off enough and that would certainly have done it .

Now to look at it from your point of view I totally understand what your getting at as in " don't lower yourself to your audience " and I agree however this would have been an exception to that .

I think Big Man has it right ,most likely a troll laughing at us ,getting us all riled up to their amusement .

All the Best ,Fashion Frank

 

[fashion frank]

I smell a rat,this person has not been on at all since the 16th of June , you would think that they would have at least by now returned to comment on our comments or what have you.
I think we have been had ,but as Lizzie has so eloquently pointed out it was a good exercise either way :eusa_clap

All the Best ,Fashion Frank

 

[Lisserbee]

I apologize for the late reply. My schedule has been hectic to say the least. Both of my parents require constant care and I am their only care taker, I am also working on furthering my education and school is a personal goal I take very seriously. I appreciate that many of you took the time to read what happened to my fiance and I. This really did happen to me and was painful. For those who have never experienced or seen blatant discrimination, that is a great thing, I hope you do not ever have to deal with it. As for the comments conveying the thought that my post was a "troll" or that my experience was not real and sounded like a "a bad play", I understand how some could think that. For those who have not experienced blatant cruelty of that kind I imagine that it is difficult to think that such things do happen. Sadly with recent events in the United States their has been much racial tension and considering the area I live in already had problems with this ,the problem has escalated on all sides. For those of you who seem to know a bit of this specific aspect of history in my area, I am impressed. Many people are not aware of the darker history of certain movements in the midwest I assure you that I am not the type to "agitate "or "rile up" people or situations.I simply wanted to know if anyone else had run into a similar situations . I apologize if anyone felt that was my intention.I sincerely wanted to share my painful experience with fellow vintage enthusiasts and see if this was normal.For those who have taken the time in their own personal and social lives to look beyond stereotypes I applaud you. I will do my best to take more personal time to enjoy this forum.

Lisserbee

 

[fashion frank]

Proof is in the Pudding !

I apologize for the late reply. My schedule has been hectic to say the least.

As for the comments conveying the thought that my post was a "troll" or that my experience was not real and sounded like a "a bad play", I understand how some could think that.


I sincerely wanted to share my painful experience with fellow vintage enthusiasts and see if this was normal. I will do my best to take more personal time to enjoy this forum.

Lisserbee

All that being said ,Not being here even just to "check in " would of course make us all think that you were a "troll".

However if we are wrong its easy enough to prove us wrong ,just come on the Forum once every few days even just to put up a post and or image of yourself ,etc.etc.etc.
Otherwise as they say the proof is in the pudding.

I hope you enjoy the forum and also hope you dont get us wrong ,but putting up a post like your first one then not coming around to see our comments and or add your own would appear that you were trolling for responces, the kind that gets people inflamed and starts trouble.

In closing I would also add that if everything you state is true our hearts of course go out to you , no one should have to endure that kind of abuse ,if you read my post ,you can read what I would have done .

Welcome to the Forum and please do make yourself at home and post more often.

All the Best ,Fashion Frank

 

[sheeplady]

I apologize for the late reply. My schedule has been hectic to say the least. Both of my parents require constant care and I am their only care taker, I am also working on furthering my education and school is a personal goal I take very seriously. I appreciate that many of you took the time to read what happened to my fiance and I. This really did happen to me and was painful. For those who have never experienced or seen blatant discrimination, that is a great thing, I hope you do not ever have to deal with it. As for the comments conveying the thought that my post was a "troll" or that my experience was not real and sounded like a "a bad play", I understand how some could think that. For those who have not experienced blatant cruelty of that kind I imagine that it is difficult to think that such things do happen. Sadly with recent events in the United States their has been much racial tension and considering the area I live in already had problems with this ,the problem has escalated on all sides. For those of you who seem to know a bit of this specific aspect of history in my area, I am impressed. Many people are not aware of the darker history of certain movements in the midwest I assure you that I am not the type to "agitate "or "rile up" people or situations.I simply wanted to know if anyone else had run into a similar situations . I apologize if anyone felt that was my intention.I sincerely wanted to share my painful experience with fellow vintage enthusiasts and see if this was normal.For those who have taken the time in their own personal and social lives to look beyond stereotypes I applaud you. I will do my best to take more personal time to enjoy this forum.

Lisserbee

Welcome back!

I want you to know that you have no need to explain your situation to us or owe us "excuses." You were not able to be online for a while because life interfered. It happens. I applaud you for being a caregiver while tackling school. I have been the sole caregiver for three people in my life (for my parents while I worked on all of my post-secondary degrees) and I understand how extremely draining and challenging it is. Even good days can be draining and emotionally exhausting, yet alone the bad ones where you wait in the hospital for hours upon hours.

You were brave to come here after your experience and share it with us because you did not know how we would react. Would we treat you the same way? Was this vintage thing worth keeping up with? I also have to applaud your bravery in coming back after being called a troll as a new member and showing such restraint and even kindness in your reply to these accusations.

I have been accused more than once on this forum of being a troll. Part of it is because I am extremely direct and firm in my beliefs. Some of it is also that some people don't want to believe that there is Bad or Evil in this world. Whether it is because they themselves are good and surrounded by good that badness is an impossibility or if this view comes from willful ignorance is sometimes hard to tell. I've encountered both in my life.

I sincerely hope that for Americans who live in the U.S., given the events over the past year and especially over the past month, most of us have dug down deep to challenge our assumptions about what is happening in our society and what we do to contribute to making things worse or fight it.

So welcome back. I am one of the moderators of the Powder Room (the ladies only section) and I encourage you to do some browsing and contribute over there. You are very welcome here and you are especially welcome in the PR by the lady moderators Lizzie, LadyDay, and myself; as well as all of the PR lady members. I hope that you find this forum an enjoyable and welcoming place.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I'll second everything Sheeplady says above. When someone's been hurt by the vicious actions of others, it only makes things worse when people start challenging the legitimacy of the injury.

You'll find a lot of good folks around the Lounge -- we don't always agree on everything, but the vast majority of people here are kind and decent and welcoming. We hope you'll make yourself to home here, and we look forward to seeing you in the women-only sections, where the kettle's always on and there's always something interesting to talk about.

 

[Big J]

I agree with Lizzie.
This thread is really interesting.

 

[Big Man]

... Both of my parents require constant care and I am their only care taker ...

Been there, done that myself. My hat is off to you, as I know that can be a difficult task. I took care of my Dad and my Aunt in their old age. While it was a job I never wanted to have to do, I am thankful that I was able to do it and to be able to "give back" something to them for all the time they spent helping me over the years.

Good luck with your endeavors with your parents and your continued education. I'll say a prayer for you. And, welcome to the Fedora Lounge.

 

[PeterB]

Really bad news. Very sorry to hear about it. We can only assume that the peple concerned are consumed by a kind of cancerous hatred.

 

[Lisserbee]

Welcome back!

I want you to know that you have no need to explain your situation to us or owe us "excuses." You were not able to be online for a while because life interfered. It happens. I applaud you for being a caregiver while tackling school. I have been the sole caregiver for three people in my life (for my parents while I worked on all of my post-secondary degrees) and I understand how extremely draining and challenging it is. Even good days can be draining and emotionally exhausting, yet alone the bad ones where you wait in the hospital for hours upon hours.

You were brave to come here after your experience and share it with us because you did not know how we would react. Would we treat you the same way? Was this vintage thing worth keeping up with? I also have to applaud your bravery in coming back after being called a troll as a new member and showing such restraint and even kindness in your reply to these accusations.

I have been accused more than once on this forum of being a troll. Part of it is because I am extremely direct and firm in my beliefs. Some of it is also that some people don't want to believe that there is Bad or Evil in this world. Whether it is because they themselves are good and surrounded by good that badness is an impossibility or if this view comes from willful ignorance is sometimes hard to tell. I've encountered both in my life.

I sincerely hope that for Americans who live in the U.S., given the events over the past year and especially over the past month, most of us have dug down deep to challenge our assumptions about what is happening in our society and what we do to contribute to making things worse or fight it.

So welcome back. I am one of the moderators of the Powder Room (the ladies only section) and I encourage you to do some browsing and contribute over there. You are very welcome here and you are especially welcome in the PR by the lady moderators Lizzie, LadyDay, and myself; as well as all of the PR lady members. I hope that you find this forum an enjoyable and welcoming place.

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome! It means more than you know. Sheeplady, you hit the nail on the head about how I felt. I truly appreciate the support. I have to admit I was nervous sharing about this incident. I was hurt mostly I believe because I do not get the opportunity to get out and have some fun. I have studied martial arts most of my life, one very important principle is restraint and the proper reaction to every action, and to think on your feet not just in a situation of violence but in a battle of minds as well. My mother was psychologist and always pushed me to see all sides in order to better understand people and avoid being closed minded or quick to anger.That is why I choose to handle things the way I did. I look forward to spending some time in the Fedora Lounge! I am still working on trying to put on a profile picture ( this is the first forum I have ever participated in, due to my current situation I do not get online for fun often) For those of you have been a caregiver thank you for sharing, sometimes it feels almost selfish to admit the level of emotional and physical exhaustion involved. I really felt that other caregivers were just better organized and that I am just not as good. it is nice to know that others have felt that way. Thank you all again. I hope everyone has a lovely weekend.


Lisserbee

 

[Lisserbee]

You are exactly right when something that is hurtful happens and the legitimacy is questioned it does add an extra pang of hurt. However, often skeptics have been played like a fiddle before and I can hardly blame them for being curious and doubtful. It is like when you have to file a police report and the officer is just being thorough but you feel like you are on pins and needles.

 

[sheeplady]

Have you considered trying to find a support group for caregivers in your area?

I went to a few meetings years ago. I think if I had stuck with it, it may have helped, but it was an hours drive from my home and I couldn't maintain it.

I think if you called your area hospice agency they might be able to point you in the right direction of a caregiver support network. (Hospice has it's ear to the ground on more than just palliative care and they really are interested in supporting caregivers.) Such a group would get you out of the house maybe once a month or so and help you to understand that you are not alone in feeling exhausted or selfish or emotionally strained; it comes with the territory.

 

[JumpBoot]

Lisserbee,

I just found this thread and haven't had the chance to read through it all yet, but I wanted to say that I'm appalled at the way you were both treated. That's just un-American, in my opinion. My ex wife was Filipina, and she had the same reservations about these events for that exact reason. My contention was then, and is now, that our mutual enjoyment of something like this (or cars, or boats, or whatever) should transcend race. That's just infuriating, honestly. I'm sorry that happened, and I hope you get in with a better group.


Jump

 

[Rockapin-up]

Hi Liserbee,

First and foremost Welcome to the Lounge!! Upone reading your original post, I'm shocked and appalled. I've heard of vintage purists, but that is insane!!! Would like to know where you stumbled upon this meet up and like others have stated you should report them as a hate group in disguise.

 

[Lisserbee]

Thank you for the advice about a support group that might help. It would be nice to know other caregivers in the area, who understand what the daily stress is like.

As for the group, I reported my incident to website and they agreed to block all posts coming from that email address. That made me happy, but I doubt in the end that these type of people will try to recruit (scary thought !)

 

[Frk.W]

This is heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry.

The two cents I would like to add to the discussion is that 1. those of us who are privileged enough to never have to worry about being treated like this can and should do our best to be good allies. That means calling out racism (as well as sexism, homophobia, transphobia and so on) when we come across it. It also means listening to and trusting people of colour who share their experiences of it, and it means supporting them in difficult situations, in the way and to the extent that particular individual wants our support. Asking is often a good idea. Listening is always a great idea.

2. I find it very easy to understand why Lisserbee started out by posting this. If I had a first experience of the vintage community like this one, I would be very wary of joining the discussion. I would want to gauge the attitudes around these issues of people in the online vintage community before feeling comfortable enough to start posting on general subjects. I'm not even sure I would feel safe enough to want to share this experience at all, in fact.

But I'm glad you did, and I hope you will feel welcome in the vintage community as a whole - worldwide, not just the States. Sweden says hello and welcome, too.