New to the Vintage lifestyle, first meet up turned into a disaster

[coalchak01]

I still think you ran into a KKK type of group incognito. They tried to cover a bit by saying you were not being authentic enough. Hence their preference for you to wear a maids uniform. And to hide your mixed race relationship. It is as if they believe not only your clothes but your conduct and beliefs must turn retro.
Now I have heard of vintage enthusiasts criticizing everything from your hat to your dress shirt to your shoes and socks as not of the same decade or otherwise inauthentic. But authenticity only goes so far, and may be the least important factor for some vintage enthusiasts. But they are few, and they don't drag race into the discussion..
I have heard of Confederate Army reenactors demanding racial authenticity in behavior. Maybe they are racist front groups as well.
I suggest you report this "vintage lifestyle" group to Southern Poverty Law Center.


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[LuvMyMan]

This is absolutely repulsive.

I admire your restraint - I would've sucker punched someone.

At the LEAST! LOL!

 

[LuvMyMan]

Hello,

I have always wanted to live a vintage lifestyle and join a vintage community. I went to a local meet up. I arrived to an afternoon coffee and the hostess opened the door and looked like a deer in the headlights! My fiance and I dressed up in era appropriate (it was a late 1940's theme) clothing with an apple brown betty to share. Her first words to us were " Well you two are not what we usually allow but I guess we can just leave you out of the pictures".( I am Nigerian,Irish,and Cherokee my fiance is matisse (French and Chippewa). My friends describe me as looking creole with freckles and my fiance looks like a tall caucasian lumberjack ) Instead of smiles all we were greeted by was murmurs. My fiance started talking about cars, the gentleman he spoke with started to glare at me and stated that " couples like you and her people are an abomination in the vintage community". With confused face we asked" why?"
the hostess interjected that legally in the era we would not be in a relationship. A guest then declared that "my kind" in the vintage community are frowned upon because " vintage looks disgusting on your people, you are too dark to pass or did you not notice?", another guest then said that I should be "in a vintage maid uniform". One man pointed at my fiance and said he couldn't believe a vintage enthusiast would even find a "N*****" attractive.Another female guest said that we should rethink getting married because our children would be ugly. The final kicker before we stormed out was when the hostesses said that the worst thing this country ever did was repealing segregation and allowing "mixing". As the door closed I heard one woman say " I am so sick of them trying to get into our world, who cares that they keep getting shot! they are doing the world a favor! Stupid welfare trash.

I hate to ask but is this common? Do people really take things this far normally? I was crushed. Before I try to get involved with another group I just want to know, I don't want to set myself up for that kind of thing again.

Hello, as you can tell, you sure are very welcome around here, and would be a shoe in for any meetings that some of the Loungers do put together now and then. It is sick that anyone could be so out of this world towards you. Stick around here, and share the love!

 

[Bob Roberts]

Hello,

I have always wanted to live a vintage lifestyle and join a vintage community. I went to a local meet up. I arrived to an afternoon coffee and the hostess opened the door and looked like a deer in the headlights! My fiance and I dressed up in era appropriate (it was a late 1940's theme) clothing with an apple brown betty to share. Her first words to us were " Well you two are not what we usually allow but I guess we can just leave you out of the pictures".( I am Nigerian,Irish,and Cherokee my fiance is matisse (French and Chippewa). My friends describe me as looking creole with freckles and my fiance looks like a tall caucasian lumberjack ) Instead of smiles all we were greeted by was murmurs. My fiance started talking about cars, the gentleman he spoke with started to glare at me and stated that " couples like you and her people are an abomination in the vintage community". With confused face we asked" why?"
the hostess interjected that legally in the era we would not be in a relationship. A guest then declared that "my kind" in the vintage community are frowned upon because " vintage looks disgusting on your people, you are too dark to pass or did you not notice?", another guest then said that I should be "in a vintage maid uniform". One man pointed at my fiance and said he couldn't believe a vintage enthusiast would even find a "N*****" attractive.Another female guest said that we should rethink getting married because our children would be ugly. The final kicker before we stormed out was when the hostesses said that the worst thing this country ever did was repealing segregation and allowing "mixing". As the door closed I heard one woman say " I am so sick of them trying to get into our world, who cares that they keep getting shot! they are doing the world a favor! Stupid welfare trash.

I hate to ask but is this common? Do people really take things this far normally? I was crushed. Before I try to get involved with another group I just want to know, I don't want to set myself up for that kind of thing again.

The only thing "vintage" abt these people is vintage racism. Disgusting scum.

 

[Edward]

That's exactly the sort of "coded" racism that's far more common in contemporary society than the overt kind. Those who engage in this sort of thing know exactly what they're doing and what they're saying, and they've got their Plausible Deniability explanations/rationalizations all set to go when they get caught at it. But once you understand the code phrases, it's hard not to pick up on the subtext. And once you start picking up on the subtext, you'll realize just how very far we haven't come.

I lean to the view that the simple fact such people don't feel able to be as open about their bigotry, whether it's race, religion, sexuality or any other tribal prejudice, suggests we've at least evolved to a point where they're realising they're in a minority. It's certainly still a sad reflection that these thing still exist, though, and calling it out is indeed important, especially in an age where the "political correctness" / "offence is taken not given" strawmen seem to resonate with a lot of folks.

Here in the UK, the most common code speak is "I'm not racist/anti-Muslim/homophobic, but...". This phrase is without a single exception always followed by a statement which is deeply racist/anti-Muslim/homophobic, et cetera.

I can guarantee you that I am not any more brave than anyone else on here. Not a bit. But a few years ago I came to realize that my silence *hurt* my friends and family. And the racism they have faced has hurt them far more deeply and fundamentally than any confrontation I have ever had has hurt me.

In my experience, unless surround by their own, bigots are invariably cowards.

 

[Big J]

In my experience, unless surround by their own, bigots are invariably cowards.

So true.

 

[Stanley Doble]

Not from the south myself but from what i have read, you probably would have met with a politer reception in the south during the 30s and 40s. They might have been racists but they had manners.

 

[sheeplady]

In my experience, unless surround by their own, bigots are invariably cowards.

I have found this to be true in almost every case I have challenged. Most of the time they back down immediately and run like scared little rabbits from a lawnmower.

The worst thing for most bigots is to have their bigoted behavior pointed out to them. You often don't even need to say it is racist- just standing there staring at them while you repeat their words back to them is often enough to make them squirm, as if they didn't hear it coming out of their mouth the first time.

And I love the "I'm not a racist, but..." That happens here and we also have a peculiar "class" of people who say things like, "I don't care if it's racist, it's the truth."

 

[Redshoes51]

Never mind...

~shoes~

 

[Redshoes51]

never mind...

~shoes~

 

[Benny Holiday]

I just don't get the attitude or the vile rudeness of those people. Why? Why would you think like that? I know I come from a different part of the world with a different upbringing but I struggle to grasp where such ideas come from. It makes me sick in the stomach.

 

[Edm1]

I grew up in MS. I have never, even there.. Seen people act like that. Never. That sounds like a bad play. I'm not saying you are making it up. I just have never seen people act like that. And I have been around racist and rude people of both black and white decent. I moved from MS to KY and see many more interracial couples. No one cares here. In MS you saw mixed race families and in my opinion, they were treated the same as anyone else. But there were not as many. I don't go to vintage meet ups, but I would assume that is not the norm. In fact it sounds like a twilight zone episode where someone goes back in time to a Hitler party. I am not saying racism doesn't exist, I again have seen it go both ways...but never in a fassion such as that.

 

[Edm1]

Now that I have read more let me elaborate. I served in the Army. You learn quick in basic training, it doesn't matter what color you, or your battle buddy is. If he screws up..you get smoked...same if you screw up. I was a redneck from MS and my battle buddy( bunk mate) was a black rapper. We got along great. I have relatives who are mixed race. I don't care nor does anyone I know. I was brought up to respect a person , for age first, and for their actions second. I don't care if you are black, white or green. If you act like a dummy or a jerk, I'll treat you like one. I am white but have American Indian ancestry. Also dark skin from being outside all the time. My son used to think I was black and has made comments about mom being white and dad black. When he drew pictures everyone was peach and I was brown.

 

[Redshoes51]

I'm a bit perplexed that the only posts the OP has made was here... only three... I wonder if it was a troll...

Anyhoo...

~shoes~

 

[Big Man]

I'm a bit perplexed that the only posts the OP has made was here... only three... I wonder if it was a troll...

Anyhoo...

~shoes~

After several (that I've seen lately) suspicious posts in a couple different threads from posters who have only one or two posts and then no more, the thought did cross my mind that this was a "set up."

 

[LizzieMaine]

Well, if it was a troll, it didn't have much effect except to spur a good discussion. And if it wasn't a troll, the original poster knows she's welcome here. So either way, we win.

 

[Edm1]

Like I said...like a twilight zone...I can't imagine that happening....but if so, I'm sorry someone went through it. I would have handled it differently.

 

[Big Man]

Well, if it was a troll, it didn't have much effect except to spur a good discussion. And if it wasn't a troll, the original poster knows she's welcome here. So either way, we win.

Good point.

 

[Fading Fast]

After several (that I've seen lately) suspicious posts in a couple different threads from posters who have only one or two posts and then no more, the thought did cross my mind that this was a "set up."

When I read it originally, that thought crossed my mind as well. While I have seen some ugly behavior and have no illusions about what some people are capable of, the context and abject in-your-face racism in a social setting, did give me a moment of pause. That said, I gave and still give the OP the benefit of the doubt as - as Lizzie basically said - if it's true, then I think we were all glad to offer support and a better, brighter view of the vintage world and, if not true, then so what.

 

[fashion frank]

Fuming Mad

I just stumbled across this Thread and that was my first thought as Big Man stated " set up" however if it isn't then hats off to you both because if it had been me I would have knocked their f*$kin lights out ,trashed their living room and as I was leaving would have stated "hope we lived up to your expectations ".

If this poster who was last on the Forum on 6 /16/15 (last Tuesday ) does not come on any time soon and or does not start posting in different areas of the Forum then the proof will be in the pudding .

I know that this will sound a little crazy but I almost hope its a hoax because if any of our "ilk" were to act like that I for one would be very disappointed because as someone already pointed out we as a group should be very accepting of others its bad enough that we all get wise cracks from the public every once in awhile but to be treated like that by our supposed own kind is beyond reproach .

All the Best ,Fashion Frank