Modern Male Identity Crisis

[sheeplady]

I've seen it happen men too, though slightly less often. The bottom line is that once you've had your confidence so totally destroyed once that you don't believe you're worth being treated any better, you don't expect anything more from a relationship. This leads to severe settling. The kind of abusive manipulator who does that to someone tends to be quick to recognise someone in this position.

Adding to that is the fact that many victims grew up in abusive homes, so they might not be able to recognize a potentially abusive partner because they have no idea what a healthy relationship is. They assume that the "controlling" aspect is how people show love and that people solve problems physically. Abusers (like you said) are quick to spot and take advantage of these people.

 

[scottyrocks]

Oh boy, did you ever hit the nail on the head.

 

[Edward]

Adding to that is the fact that many victims grew up in abusive homes, so they might not be able to recognize a potentially abusive partner because they have no idea what a healthy relationship is. They assume that the "controlling" aspect is how people show love and that people solve problems physically. Abusers (like you said) are quick to spot and take advantage of these people.

Abuse is, indeed, cyclical. One of the many examples of, as the Good Book would have it, "As is the mother [ or, indeed, father], so are the children".

 

[Justin B]

Oh boy, did you ever hit the nail on the head.

Why must you hit the nail? Can't you just talk it out like adults?

 

[MissMittens]

I've seen it happen men too, though slightly less often. The bottom line is that once you've had your confidence so totally destroyed once that you don't believe you're worth being treated any better, you don't expect anything more from a relationship. This leads to severe settling. The kind of abusive manipulator who does that to someone tends to be quick to recognise someone in this position.

Amen brotha! Seen it......lived it.......finally shrugged the "target" off my back and am in a relationship with someone who actually cares about me and not themselves

 

[Atticus Finch]

Please allow me to issue a disclaimer of sorts.....

The abusive relationships I see in my professional life are the worst of the worst relationships. Thankfully, the people in those relationships comprise only a tiny fraction of the general population. And these people typically have other problems that greatly contribute to their abysmal love lives. They can be drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers or whatever…and many have criminal charges unrelated to their domestic cases. Many have profound and progressive health issues….both physical and mental. Often these health issues have gone untreated for years.

I’m not defending abusers or their conduct. Domestic abuse is indeed a major problem in our society. But I also don’t want anyone here on the Lounge to think that my war stories are somehow indicative of a general decline in our civilization. Stated differently, I don’t think that the cases I deal with can be generalized to support the proposition that today’s men (or women) are treating their loved ones worse…or better…than they did in some bygone era.

The truth is I see less domestic abuse now than twenty years ago, back when I started this gig. In fact, crime statistics tell us that there is less violent crime, generally, than there was a decade ago. At least in North Carolina, the only area of crime that is growing faster than our population is juvenile crime…sad to say.

But that’s a subject for another forum….

AF

 

[scottyrocks]

It is common for this relatively small percentage of the population to be sensationalized by the media which can lead some people to think things like, 'oh my, look what the world is coming to.' Bad news and behavior is interesting to many people which explains the media's fascinaton with it, as well. Viewership equals money, so they give 'us' what we want. None for me, thanks. I'm drivin'!

 

[MissMittens]

Bad news sells. That's why newspapers rushed to print every time a gangster was shot in the 20's and 30's. That's why Fox News is still on the air :lol:

 

[jamespowers]

Great idea. Show the girls the consequences of getting pregnant

Still go to school and hang with your friends and get to play with a baby during the breaks

And of course the friends of the mother get all clucky and decide thay want a baby to play with too. Oops, another pregnancy

Good lord

Oh Geez! I hope that isn't the logical outcome.:eusa_doh:
There was one in my high school days but the reaction of the girls, without daycare, was more of "Uh, no thanks." Things might have changed now. :eusa_doh:

 

[John in Covina]

Bad news sells. That's why newspapers rushed to print every time a gangster was shot in the 20's and 30's. That's why Fox News is still on the air :lol:

If it bleeds - it leads. There is a formula to broadcast (tv) news, Here in LA you could set up your remote to cycle thru the local news programs and you will find that they are covering the same story within 10-30 seconds of each other. Right now there is a story about a 6 year old boy fighting off an adult kidnapper that has moved to possible it never happened the kid (or parents) made it up.

It is related to the bad news travels fast, people often believe the worst first, I love my gossip so dish the dirt mode.

 

[jamespowers]

Bad news sells. That's why newspapers rushed to print every time a gangster was shot in the 20's and 30's. That's why Fox News is still on the air :lol:

You mean CNN.

 

[jamespowers]

I know a lot of women who, from what they tell me, seem to need a guy who is a 'project.' They many times flock to my best friend, who is a bit of a pretty boy/womanizer. Women eat this guy up. Then they all come crying to me after he's gotten his and moved on. It's always the same story, "I thought I could change him." I tell them all the same thing, "I've known him for many years, and he will never change."

That is the biggest problem with both sexes. You are not going to change the person so get over it. That is the way they are either figure you can accept it or move on to the next.
My father told me this a loooooonnnggg time ago. His statement was "how you start is how you are going to end."

 

[Connery]

That is the biggest problem with both sexes. You are not going to change the person so get over it. That is the way they are either figure you can accept it or move on to the next.
My father told me this a loooooonnnggg time ago. His statement was "how you start is how you are going to end."

+1 Truer words were never spoken! Otherwise you can wind up with a big headache.

 

[jamespowers]

+1 Truer words were never spoken! Otherwise you can wind up with a big headache.

A HUGE walking headache.

 

[rue]

You mean CNN.

:arated:

 

[Marc Chevalier]

:arated:

You mean just about every news media except "The Onion".

 

[rue]

You mean just about every news media except "The Onion".

lol

 

[jamespowers]

You mean just about every news media except "The Onion".

Especially The Onion.
I Got A Beat Down from a Crazy Cat Dude?! Really.....

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

My favorite network: See BS lol

 

[rue]

:rofl: