Love at first sight? What Balloney!!...or, does it really happen?

[Daisy Buchanan]

I spent hours on the phone last night with my ex-love, and I remembered all the reasons why I fell in love with him.
I think if I met him today, I would fall in love with him at first sight.


But......Love at first sight can be dangerous. What happens when the excitement of new love settles down?

 

[GOK]

I spent hours on the phone last night with my ex-love, and I remembered all the reasons why I fell in love with him.
I think if I met him today, I would fall in love with him at first sight.


But......Love at first sight can be dangerous. What happens when the excitement of new love settles down?

Hopefully it never fully settles down but if it does, compatibility and companionship are just as valuable as passion!

 

[Fletch]

Yes but what is a *real* man? To me, he is intelligent, witty, creative, sensitive, gentle, compassionate.

Just what I strive to be. But in my experience, a woman has to know a man very well before those qualities start to show – or actually, before she's open to them.

Until then, I'm afraid, the man needs to be A Man – ie, something of an alpha stereotype. A little taciturn, a little aloof. Talk a lot about work and hands-on, practical things. Don't flirt or be witty, just give pat compliments. Be gallant, physical, and reassuring. Be solid.

If you share yourself deeply at the start – even if she does it – you run the danger of ending up in Friends Only territory, where love can never grow. It's hell on romantics like me, because we can't stand to serve our apprenticeship.

 

[52Styleline]

We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies."

Romantic love is an illusion created to blind us to the otherwise disgusting aspects of the animal process of reproduction.

 

[jamespowers]

Have you ever just met someone out of the blue, you talk, smile and laugh and something has just clicked and you feel like you are just going to fall into those deep blue eyes and drown, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Let's hear your thoughts from out there in Fedora Lounge land...

That's easy. Yes, I married her. End of story.

Regards,

J

 

[PADDY]

Poppycock! (and rather sad poppycock into the bargain)

We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies."

Romantic love is an illusion created to blind us to the otherwise disgusting aspects of the animal process of reproduction.

That's a rather sad colouring of love. Maybe this is born from a bad personal experience to colour it in such negative tones, still it saddens me to see someone viewing it like this.

 

[Spitfire]

We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies."

Romantic love is an illusion created to blind us to the otherwise disgusting aspects of the animal process of reproduction.

I am willing to bet whatever that this is something you:
a) have picked up somewhere.
b) you don't believe in yourself.

If not, I will have to say you are one sad person and I feel sorry for you.

 

[Fletch]

It's rare that anyone outdoes Fletch in cynicism. Let me buy you a stiff one, 52styleline. A drink, I mean.

 

[52Styleline]

You are correct, those comments are not original with me. I tend to agree more with the first one than I do the second, although there is a kernel of truth in both.

I just thought a cranky old geezer should throw in a couple of cynical comments to balance all of the idealistic pro-love posts. I've been down the road of love and lust more than a few times in my fairly long life and generally the ride has been worth the price of admission - although I do stand by the position that a certain element of self delusion (and autonomic body chemestry) is involved in the initial ga-ga stage of romantic love, and love at first sight is the topic of this thread.

I can't be too much of a sorry specimen, my dog loves me.lol

 

[Orgetorix]

I'd agree there's a lot of misunderstanding out there (and some in this thread) about the nature of love. But the existence of counterfeits doesn't indicate the non-existence of the real thing.

 

[GOK]

We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person.

[EDITED FOR CONTENT -HJ ]

Just what I strive to be. But in my experience, a woman has to know a man very well before those qualities start to show – or actually, before she's open to them.

Until then, I'm afraid, the man needs to be A Man – ie, something of an alpha stereotype. A little taciturn, a little aloof. Talk a lot about work and hands-on, practical things. Don't flirt or be witty, just give pat compliments. Be gallant, physical, and reassuring. Be solid.

If you share yourself deeply at the start – even if she does it – you run the danger of ending up in Friends Only territory, where love can never grow. It's hell on romantics like me, because we can't stand to serve our apprenticeship.

Frankly, that stinks IMO. I understand not giving oneself immediately and that some people are very reserved but to be so closed off as to deny another person the chance to shine, seems just horrible. That whole Alpha Male thing...forget it. I don't want to be bored to death on a date! I want to be able to laugh, smile, feel...and be friends.

 

[Veronica Parra]

And what about LUST at first sight? Not baloney at all. A lot of fun, actually

 

[Benny Holiday]

Well I experienced it this morning, I got up out of bed and walked into the bathroom for the usual SSS and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and wow !!! Cazam, caboosh it happened! Took me two hours to leave the bathroom lol

Oh Koop, the stories I could tell about you and women . . .

My love at first sight is that blasted sky grey Akubra Bogart of yours. You know you're lucky you've just such a large melon and it won't fit my head!

 

[Hemingway Jones]

I'd agree there's a lot of misunderstanding out there (and some in this thread) about the nature of love. But the existence of counterfeits doesn't indicate the non-existence of the real thing.

Here, here. And anecdotes neither prove nor disprove a rule.

We can assess a threat when someone accosts us to do us harm. When can sense someone's ill intent. We can feel someone staring at the back of our heads. We can smell soured food, stale air, poisoned water; we are born with these senses. Can we not also tell when someone means us well? When someone has affection, attraction, and instant love? Can we not feel their warmth for us?

Humans are capable of recognizing complex patterns. Place fifty twenty-dollar bills in front of a banker and watch them pick out the counterfeit in an instant. A trained art historian can intuit a fake based on recognitions of brushwork and style. Does it not go to reason that a person may recognize that complex mix of disparate traits that make one individual perfectly suited for another?

Perhaps, when both parties recognize it simultaneously it equals that wonderful phenomena known as love at first sight.

Of course, this is all rhetorical flourish. The bottom line is, there is nothing rational about passing up love at first sight because you are soured with cynicism. Intuition is a sense; cultivate it.

If you are lucky enough to experience love at first sight, pursue it. It could mean all the difference in the world. It has for me.

 

[Fletch]

I understand not giving oneself immediately and that some people are very reserved but to be so closed off as to deny another person the chance to shine, seems just horrible. That whole Alpha Male thing...forget it. I don't want to be bored to death on a date! I want to be able to laugh, smile, feel...and be friends.

Bless you, Gok. May there be more like you out there.

As for the opposing viewpoint, you can read some of it [Link Removed for Inappropriate Content. -HJ].

 

[SHARPETOYS]

I'd like to believe in love at first sight. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I'm still hoping that it will happen to me.
I have been in love twice. In both situations it was something that happened over time. Not too long of a time, and for all I know it might have happened at first sight, but I was too blind to see it. I became very good friends with the two men I fell in love with, and after a few months of dating, they seemed like extensions of myself. While I was in love with them, I couldn't imagine a time when I wasn't in love with them. Although both are long gone, although one I am still good friends with (yeah, his girlfriends love that), I still love them dearly. I get together with one of them a few times a year, the only reason why we ended things was that he took a job in another state, for the first moments he is with me feelings of love rise up in me. So, I guess I have experienced love at first site in a few months
But, one day, I'm hoping that I will meet the man I am to love, and I will know that he is the one I am to be with, at first sight......

Dasiy, I have never met you but from reading your posts I have a tender affection for you.
You seem to be very kind and giving person,with a warm heart with a touch of class thrown in. I feel when Mr. Right comes along and finds you he will have to pinch himself and say can this be really true I have "her" in my life.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Darn it!! Figures.... Now...I have the impression that I'm standing in a long line of those who have tender feelings for Daisy B. Story of me life.....
...and it was almost tender feelings at first sight....
HD

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

Dasiy, I have never met you but from reading your posts I have a tender affection for you.
You seem to be very kind and giving person,with a warm heart with a touch of class thrown in. I feel when Mr. Right comes along and finds you he will have to pinch himself and say can this be really true I have "her" in my life.

Darn it!! Figures.... Now...I have the impression that I'm standing in a long line of those who have tender feelings for Daisy B. Story of me life.....
...and it was almost tender feelings at first sight....
HD

You both have just made my night!! Now why can't I find kind and sweet gentlemen like you here in Boston???
Thank you for your sweet sentiments, any doubts I might of had about love have just been washed away by you two fine gents

 

[Dapper Dan]

In re the idea of acting the "strong and silent" type on a date, what's the point? If you start by building up walls, what's the rest of your relationship with the woman (or man) going to be like? I'll play the part of the Fred McMurray-style dad here and tell you that if she doesn't like you for you than she's not worth your time. I feel like I should be wearing a cardigan and smoking a pipe as I say this.

And in re 52Styleline's assertion that love merely hinges on perfection, I don't believe that for an instant. I've never really been in love (or been loved back, as the case may be), but I feel certain in saying that imperfections can really be some of the most charming things about someone. Haven't you ever seen a flawed painting and appreciated it all the more for that flaw? Or listened to a jazz song where someone misplaces a note and appreciated it all the more for the humanity of the imperfection? I may not know much, but I am certain that, without imperfections, there'd be no point in falling in love, since everyone would be the same. I believe it was La Rochefoucauld who said, "some beautiful things are more impressive when left imperfect than when too highly finished." I don't recall the quote, but I remember reading a passage of Byron where he expresses the same feeling. Don't get me wrong. I'm actually a very cynical person, and time and again I've found myself wondering how much of human culture is really just a construct to gloss over animal behavior. In the end, I find that believing that just robs the beauty of a sonnet or an opera. Certainly humans are animals, and we have instincts and urges just like other animals. But the fact that we realize them and can even act contrary to them just goes to show that we're more than that.

Also, what's so disgusting about the animal process of reproduction?

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

In re the idea of acting the "strong and silent" type on a date, what's the point? If you start by building up walls, what's the rest of your relationship with the woman (or man) going to be like? I'll play the part of the Fred McMurray-style dad here and tell you that if she doesn't like you for you than she's not worth your time. I feel like I should be wearing a cardigan and smoking a pipe as I say this.

And in re 52Styleline's assertion that love merely hinges on perfection, I don't believe that for an instant. I've never really been in love (or been loved back, as the case may be), but I feel certain in saying that imperfections can really be some of the most charming things about someone. Haven't you ever seen a flawed painting and appreciated it all the more for that flaw? Or listened to a jazz song where someone misplaces a note and appreciated it all the more for the humanity of the imperfection? I may not know much, but I am certain that, without imperfections, there'd be no point in falling in love, since everyone would be the same. I believe it was La Rochefoucauld who said, "some beautiful things are more impressive when left imperfect than when too highly finished." I don't recall the quote, but I remember reading a passage of Byron where he expresses the same feeling. Don't get me wrong. I'm actually a very cynical person, and time and again I've found myself wondering how much of human culture is really just a construct to gloss over animal behavior. In the end, I find that believing that just robs the beauty of a sonnet or an opera. Certainly humans are animals, and we have instincts and urges just like other animals. But the fact that we realize them and can even act contrary to them just goes to show that we're more than that.

Also, what's so disgusting about the animal process of reproduction?

To Err is Human!
I agree with everything you say. I think perfection is boring. Falling in love with someone means you take the good with the bad. Every person has some faults, it's just a matter of learning to live with them, accept them. If one looks for perfection, they will be looking for a long time. Although I know when I fell in love I didn't see perfection or faults, I saw a real live human being. One person's trash is another persons treasure!

As for your comment about the process of animal reproduction, well parts of it can be quite disgusting. For example, when a bunny gives birth it pulls out it's baby and eats the sac that it grew in. Yup, that's pretty darn gross (But I really do get your point, and it is a great one!)