Is chivalry dead?

[pompier]

Chivalry is not completely dead. I hold doors for women whenever possible and give my seat as necessary. But I'm 48 and that's how I was raised. I have this slightly irrational fear that my Dad would rise up out of the grave and give me a swift kick in the seat of the pants if I didn't. LOL. Unfortunately I think society has changed to the point where common courtesy (as LizzieMaine put it) is not expected. A few months back I held the door for an elderly woman entering a grocery store. Then I moved past her to where the shopping carts were and grabbed the nearest cart and offered it to her. Poor thing stood there for a second staring at me looking slightly put off until it dawned on her that I had untangled the cart for her. She then smiled and politely and slightly shocked said thank you. I went home and told my wife about it. It sad that people have become so impolite and so used to impoliteness. No wonder that all of us here like The Golden Era so much.

 

[Wolfen]

I have this slightly irrational fear that my Dad would rise up out of the grave and give me a swift kick in the seat of the pants if I didn't. LOL.

Not at all irrational. I have a similar fear that my mother will jump out from behind a bush the first time I dont hold a door or give up my seat etc and she is 6,000 miles away, 3,000 miles of which is the Atlantic Ocean.

 

[samtemporary]

Is chivalry dead? From that video of those boys on the school bus verbally beating the little old grandmother - yes, it's dead. And I blame the parents.

 

[Edward]

Not at all irrational. I have a similar fear that my mother will jump out from behind a bush the first time I dont hold a door or give up my seat etc and she is 6,000 miles away, 3,000 miles of which is the Atlantic Ocean.

Opening doors, walking on the outside... it's my mother's voice I hear in my head. For years I thought I was called Norman.

 

[Miss Stella]

Is chivalry dead? From that video of those boys on the school bus verbally beating the little old grandmother - yes, it's dead. And I blame the parents.

That made me ill.

 

[olive bleu]

Agreed. This reminds me of when Betty White hosted SNL. The biggest laughs were when this eighty-something year old woman used dirty words. It must be funny because old people cursing is so cutting edge.
I was embarrassed for her and the lack of imagination from the writers.

Mr. Bleu and I were discussing this very thing a couple nights ago. Whatever happened to all these hilarious female comedians who once used to be truly funny and have in their golden years come to depend on their potty mouths to get a chuckle. Since when are dirty old ladies considered funny?

 

[LizzieMaine]

They think it's funny when five year olds use filthy language, and they think it's funny when eighty-five year olds use filthy language. It's official, comedy is dead.

 

[Flicka]

Mr. Bleu and I were discussing this very thing a couple nights ago. Whatever happened to all these hilarious female comedians who once used to be truly funny and have in their golden years come to depend on their potty mouths to get a chuckle. Since when are dirty old ladies considered funny?

This is very local of course, but there's a female comedian here - who is pretty well known in Sweden - who's been very vocal in her appreciation for our Golden Era female comedians, and who's been trying to push that sort of comedy. I've seen several interviews with her where she talks about how liberating it is to see these, mostly older, ladies be funny on their own terms without being sexualised or demeaning themselves.

 

[Drappa]

I would have said not quite yesterday, but today I am not sure. Whilst taking a boat trip on a canal today we went past three teenagers on the bank. One of the boys was on the floor, one was kicking him with all his might and the third one was filming it all on his phone. Several adult men walked past and did nothing but look. The boat's skipper yelled at the aggressors but got nothing more than a chuckle.

 

[John in Covina]

I would have said not quite yesterday, but today I am not sure. Whilst taking a boat trip on a canal today we went past three teenagers on the bank. One of the boys was on the floor, one was kicking him with all his might and the third one was filming it all on his phone. Several adult men walked past and did nothing but look. The boat's skipper yelled at the aggressors but got nothing more than a chuckle.

Did nay one consider calling the Po-lice?

 

[Miss Moonlight]

It's dead in the hearts of some and not others. Certainly younger generatations are suffering from a lack of it, which can be blamed on parents who are probably so self-centered themselves that they never thought to teach their kids not to be.

On one hand, I was on public transportation and there were older boys of probably 18 or 19 who I refuse to call young men as they did not earn the word 'men' as far as I was concerned, when they asked me and another woman if they could sit, and were laughing and joking about it. One said, "Hey, don't you wanna give me your seat?" I looked to the woman and did say, "Chivalry is dead." She agreed and the kid said, "Huh?"

Yep. Exactly.

But- when I was pregnant, toward the very end when I was just huge, there were a few times when I would be in line at a store or such and drop something, or if I had full hands, I had to open doors by pushing with my back... or things like that. Immediately someone, usually a man, would step up and help. I was always so grateful because it was very difficult to pick something up off the floor at that time and what they did not know was that I had torn the ligament that holds up the uterus- the last four months of my pregnancy I was in constant, sharp and sometimes excruciating pain. These people who helped for the sake of being decent were helping far more than they even knew!

I was taught to be kind, considerate, and thoughtful. So even if I don't think others will, I keep it up.

And to the gentlemen here who find themselves the target of confusion for being gentlemanty, keep it up! You set a good example for young pups like those on the trolley who were clearly never taught respect for anyone.

 

[Drappa]

Did nay one consider calling the Po-lice?

I considered, but had no reception on the boat and also didn't know how to explain the location if I had gotten through, as it was out of town along the banks of the canal. Not sure if anyone else did. Some of the big strapping men who walked past certainly could have handled it themselves. Had I been walking I would have gotten involved, as I always have since I was a teenager.

 

[samtemporary]

Certainly one of the men should have stopped the fight - even if it meant being physical. Unfortunately, once a man lays a hand on a youth, a lawsuit, if not arrest, is sure to follow, no matter the reason. With all due respect to our British brethren, the Kingdom's laws seem to be designed to prevent intervention - at least that's how it's portrayed here in the States.

 

[John in Covina]

I considered, but had no reception on the boat and also didn't know how to explain the location if I had gotten through, as it was out of town along the banks of the canal. Not sure if anyone else did. Some of the big strapping men who walked past certainly could have handled it themselves. Had I been walking I would have gotten involved, as I always have since I was a teenager.

The major problem is when we rely on others, they never seem to step up to the challenge.

 

[JohnRutherford]

I was taught by my parents to be courteous and chivalrous. I give my seat up to young ladies, open doors, and do my best to treat my betters with the utmost respect. I am sickened by the lack of manners that some people have. My parents would have hit me upside my head if I had acted the way some of these children act in public. I hope to teach any children I may have proper manners and etiquette.

 

[TomS]

We all have to have a code... It matters. Here is the catch though, it should be about the woman, and never self-serving. Chivalry today demands that you read each situation independantly. Sometimes you step forward, hold the door, step into danger, whatever. Sometimes you don't. Chivalry is never controlling. It should rise out of a willingness, to, well surrender. You have to acknowledge her part of your assertion. She might accept, she might decline, she might ignore you. Thats all her perogative, because in the end so are you.

 

[William Stratford]

Certainly one of the men should have stopped the fight - even if it meant being physical. Unfortunately, once a man lays a hand on a youth, a lawsuit, if not arrest, is sure to follow, no matter the reason. With all due respect to our British brethren, the Kingdom's laws seem to be designed to prevent intervention - at least that's how it's portrayed here in the States.

That is, sadly, an accurate description of the situation that we face. And heaven help the man who stops to help a crying child.... If someone had deliberately crafted the corrosion of society they could not have done better than the enforced apathy endemic today.

 

[CONELRAD]

I got into a heated argument with a Facebook friend over this a few days ago, they were complaining about how asking boys to move heavy objects so girls don't have to is sexist because it implies that girls are incapable. I was arguing that it doesn't imply that they can't, but that they shouldn't have to. Then they went on to say that chivalry was stupid. Safe to say that we don't always see eye to eye.

Personally, I always hold the door for for women and men alike, among other things, though I can't say I've always been thanked. Both because I was raised that way and because I know it's right. Chivalry won't be dead as long as there's at least one person who considers courtesy a core value. The lack of courtesy nowadays is shameful and sickening, it's "cool" now to be a jerk.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I got into a heated argument with a Facebook friend over this a few days ago, they were complaining about how asking boys to move heavy objects so girls don't have to is sexist because it implies that girls are incapable. I was arguing that it doesn't imply that they can't, but that they shouldn't have to. Then they went on to say that chivalry was stupid. Safe to say that we don't always see eye to eye.

The problem with the whole "sexist because it implies girls are incapable" idea is that it ignores a basic fact: a good many women *do* find it difficult to move heavy objects. I've got a ruined back from moving heavy objects on my own, and even before I ruined my back, there were a lot of heavy objects I was, in fact, physically incapable of moving. I never saw anything sexist about admitting this reality, and any time a man wants to pitch in and help move stuff for me, I have no problem with that at all. Equality between genders doesn't mean *literal* physical equality in all things at all times, and the idea that it does or should is ridiculous.

 

[William Stratford]

The lack of courtesy nowadays is shameful and sickening, it's "cool" now to be a jerk.

So true. Rudeness is now the default setting for so many, because "cool" requires that you be detached and not care, whilst "service" is looked on as akin to slavery which makes it the enemy of the holy individual.