How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World

[LizzieMaine]

For whatever reasons, I'm not sure young girls know it's okay to refuse to participate in certain behavior. Prime example...a couple of years ago at Thanksgiving, my young cousin's boyfriend was being very sulky, refusing to join our family in the house and sitting in his car where he needed to "talk" to Keri. She was actually running out with bowls of food, trying to eat and indulge him. Her parents loathed him (we all did, lol) so they didn't want to say anything and start WW3. I finally got ahold of her and said, "Keri...he's being really RUDE. Do you know our Pop once came to pick up Gram for a date, honked the horn for her to come down instead of coming in, and Gram was so insulted she sent her sister to say she's not the type to be honked at and she refused to see him that night????". Keri's eyes got like saucers and she said, "Really?". Yeah! Really!

I think it's great if somebody put into writing advice that will help today's young woman stand firm in herself and not be brought down by the frey. However, I think it's sort of sad that we need a book. Maybe our generation needs to have a few more heart-to-hearts than we do.

The most important lesson this generation can learn is that there's nothing demeaning or "prudish" about respect for yourself -- and insisting on receiving respect from others. If you don't respect yourself enough to stick up for yourself and to interact with the world on your own terms, how can you possibly expect anyone else to respect you? Every single piece of worthwhile advice I've ever gotten in my life boils down to that simple point.

 

[Lady Day]

Funny thing is, all these young women today who go out wearing nothing are really doing it because they think it makes the appear 'sexier' and more desirable to men. All my male friends pretty much say the same thing, "They'd be good for a fling or a one-nighter, but I'd never want a relationship with one!!!'

This is a prime example of what I refer to as fake equality. Women acting aggressively like men do (when they are being jirks) and thinking that puts them on par with men. Its seems these women think that equality means acting like men, and thats not the case. We have to find our own standard and make it just as viable as the man's.

LD

 

[exquisitebones]

what is wrong with being considered prudish?

I am the biggest prude I know. And I am quite proud of that fact.
I am married, monogamous with kids. I dont have any scandal or questionable acts to worry about.

"prude" should not be a bad word? [huh]

 

[LizzieMaine]

This is a prime example of what I refer to as fake equality. Women acting aggressively like men do (when they are being jirks) and thinking that puts them on par with men. Its seems these women think that equality means acting like men, and thats not the case. We have to find our own standard and make it just as viable as the man's.

LD

Exactly. We've gone from the days of a double standard that was manifestly unfair to women, to a single very low standard that isn't any better. I'm not just talking about a sexual standard, either -- it's the whole culture. The woman is admired today who belches and farts and passes out drunk in her own vomit "just like one of the boys." Real empowered image for the youngsters to aspire to, that is.

 

[Hamilton_Honey]

The most important lesson this generation can learn is that there's nothing demeaning or "prudish" about respect for yourself -- and insisting on receiving respect from others. If you don't respect yourself enough to stick up for yourself and to interact with the world on your own terms, how can you possibly expect anyone else to respect you? Every single piece of worthwhile advice I've ever gotten in my life boils down to that simple point.

Exactly - well said! I have also discovered that it's much easier to have respect for others when you respect yourself. It's a 'balance of the universe' thing. And respect is where long and happy relationships begin

my dear friends' scottish father said it all most succinctly really when she and i were but teenagers "keep your minds open, hennys, and your legs closed"

I wonder what advice he would have given to young men? All to often there is nothing offered along the lines of "keep your minds open, laddies, and your fly buttoned"

 

[cherry lips]

Exactly - well said! I have also discovered that it's much easier to have respect for others when you respect yourself. It's a 'balance of the universe' thing. And respect is where long and happy relationships begin

Hamilton_Honey's and LizzieMaine's posts about respect are no doubt wise and true. The problem is that "respect", like "love" or "faith" or "happiness", is never absolute, they're always on a gliding scale. Everything is relative, and who we are is not something static. So, the question "Do you respect yourself?" (for example) isn't as simple to answer as it might appear.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Hamilton_Honey's and LizzieMaine's posts about respect are no doubt wise and true. The problem is that "respect", like "love" or "faith" or "happiness", is never absolute, they're always on a gliding scale. Everything is relative, and who we are is not something static. So, the question "Do you respect yourself?" (for example) isn't as simple to answer as it might appear.

Good point -- and I think it's important for kids, especially, to understand this. What they feel is important to their self-definition when they're 13 or 14 or whatever isn't always going to be. A teenage girl is a creature of great emotional volatility -- and she's always convinced that whatever is important to her *at that moment* is the most important thing she will ever experience in her life. I can look back on being that age and remember being desperately caught up in things that mean absolutely nothing to me now, thirty years later -- and that tells me that if there's anything worth teaching a young woman, it's that they are by no means finished growing up. They aren't yet the person they're going to be, and when they're making decisions in their lives about how to act they should try to keep that in mind.

I think it's really unfortunate that the greatest cultural pressure on young women to go along with whatever the crowd wants just to be popular comes at a time in their lives when they're most vulnerable. Anything that acts as a counterweight to that, to my way of thinking, is a good thing -- and is an important part of developing life-long self respect.

 

[C-dot]

I think it's really unfortunate that the greatest cultural pressure on young women to go along with whatever the crowd wants just to be popular comes at a time in their lives when they're most vulnerable. Anything that acts as a counterweight to that, to my way of thinking, is a good thing -- and is an important part of developing life-long self respect.

Absolutely! One of my best counterweights was this anonymous quote: "What is right is not always popular; What is popular is not always right."

In most cases, what is "right" is a gut feeling. Example: Do I feel "right" hooking up with the entire football team at a wild party because it will make me more popular? Personally, not a chance.
(I had a friend who did things like this all through high school... Believe me, she lives to regret it.)

If you march to your own drum beat, others will follow along, instead of trampling you in the crowd.

 

[Lady Day]

I think one of the most crucial things that need to be taught to girls, but never is, is that sometimes in life, you are going to loose. Not necessarily fail, but loose. That game, that grade, that guy, that job. It in no way detracts from you or makes you defective. It simply states the world is larger than you are and will keep going so you have to keep up, not the other way around.

Its a hard lesson to teach, since we have this mentality that if you are not successful by 15, then your life is over. I fell to it hard a couple of times in my life, but its taught me some pivotal life lessons.

LD

 

[zombi]

We've gone from the days of a double standard that was manifestly unfair to women, to a single very low standard that isn't any better. I'm not just talking about a sexual standard, either -- it's the whole culture.

I'd say that this is not necessarily true. We do not have one single standard -- we still live under a very strong double standard, in a world where a woman still makes 77 cents to a man's dollar, in a world where it's okay to comment about how "sexy" a male politician is, but if a female politician is even mildly attractive, she's "whorish" and "inappropriate".

I agree that standards across the board are lower these days, but I don't agree that we no longer live under unfair double standards. [huh]


.... fftopic: ??? ha.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I'd say that this is not necessarily true. We do not have one single standard -- we still live under a very strong double standard, in a world where a woman still makes 77 cents to a man's dollar, in a world where it's okay to comment about how "sexy" a male politician is, but if a female politician is even mildly attractive, she's "whorish" and "inappropriate".

I agree that standards across the board are lower these days, but I don't agree that we no longer live under unfair double standards. [huh]

Agreed on those points -- but on the second one, anyway, maybe what our culture needs to do is stop thinking about politicians in terms of sexiness altogether. Rather, we ought to be asking why our culture even considers this an appropriate subject to waste ink on. That's the kind of relentless emphasis on superficiality that I'm getting at -- that single very low standard that drags the whole culture down to its level, and that is especially rough on young women who don't buy into it.

 

[Paisley]

Another book along these lines is Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever by Judge Judy. It encourages readers to take care of their needs, and to not just go along with the crowd.

Not recommended: What Would Jackie Do? Part of it are good, but would Jackie Onassis have prattled on so much about money and dry goods?

 

[Lenore]

Another book along these lines is Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever by Judge Judy.

To quote Ron White, "You can't fix stupid."

 

[23SkidooWithYou]

To quote Ron White, "You can't fix stupid."

I get the reference Lenore!
I liked how he landed on the philosophy too. lol

 

[C-dot]

That's the kind of relentless emphasis on superficiality that I'm getting at -- that single very low standard that drags the whole culture down to its level, and that is especially rough on young women who don't buy into it.

Agreed! :eusa_clap Case in point:

When Prince Charles and Camilla visited Toronto a few weeks back, they did many things - Presented new colours to the Royal Regiment of Canada, opened the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair, and toured Dundurn Castle, to name a few things.

What did Christie Blatchford write about in the next day's headlines? "Camilla was dressed like a frump and needed some new lipstick."
HELLO?! This is not Victoria Beckham, this is the Duchess of Cornwall, and its not about how she dresses.

That made me really angry - It is so disrespectful to such a classy lady. It just goes to show that even if you're royalty, you'll never be good enough.

 

[cecil]

what is wrong with being considered prudish?

I am the biggest prude I know. And I am quite proud of that fact.
I am married, monogamous with kids. I dont have any scandal or questionable acts to worry about.

"prude" should not be a bad word? [huh]

I wouldn't say that simply being monogamous makes you a prude hun! Prudishness isn't absence of scandal, or simply being decorous, it's overdoing decorum and propriety to the point of being irritating. In the sense of the literal definition of the word, it's always been a "bad" word. It's been a mocking or derogatory term since its first use. Remember that "prude" does not come from the word "prudence". I didn't wish to offend anyone. I like modesty, I just don't like affected, over-the-top prudes and priggishness.

 

[cecil]

Agreed! :eusa_clap Case in point:

When Prince Charles and Camilla visited Toronto a few weeks back, they did many things - Presented new colours to the Royal Regiment of Canada, opened the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair, and toured Dundurn Castle, to name a few things.

What did Christie Blatchford write about in the next day's headlines? "Camilla was dressed like a frump and needed some new lipstick."
HELLO?! This is not Victoria Beckham, this is the Duchess of Cornwall, and its not about how she dresses.

That made me really angry - It is so disrespectful to such a classy lady. It just goes to show that even if you're royalty, you'll never be good enough.

It's ridiculous, isn't it? That'll never change. They did the same thing to Elizabeth after she was married. She had children and started to dress in a less youthful style, so suddenly she was old, fat and frumpy. What? :eusa_doh:

 

[C-dot]

I wouldn't say that simply being monogamous makes you a prude hun! Prudishness isn't absence of scandal, or simply being decorous, it's overdoing decorum and propriety to the point of being irritating. In the sense of the literal definition of the word, it's always been a "bad" word. It's been a mocking or derogatory term since its first use. Remember that "prude" does not come from the word "prudence".

Yes - Modesty and Prudishness are not to be confused.

"A prude (Old French) is a person who is described as being concerned with decorum or propriety. They may be perceived as being uncomfortable with sexuality, nudity, alcohol, drug use or mischief."

If you play the Sims, you know who Mrs. Crumplebottom is:

She hits you with her purse if you hold hands or dance with someone - The superheroine of all prudes!

 

[Jennifer Lynn]

Agreed! :eusa_clap Case in point:

When Prince Charles and Camilla visited Toronto a few weeks back, they did many things - Presented new colours to the Royal Regiment of Canada, opened the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair, and toured Dundurn Castle, to name a few things.

What did Christie Blatchford write about in the next day's headlines? "Camilla was dressed like a frump and needed some new lipstick."
HELLO?! This is not Victoria Beckham, this is the Duchess of Cornwall, and its not about how she dresses.

That made me really angry - It is so disrespectful to such a classy lady. It just goes to show that even if you're royalty, you'll never be good enough.

Most of what I've read or seen on tv about the First Lady here has been of the same ilk. All about the fashion or how she looks in public. Very little about what she was out in public for (whether charity, political, for her family, etc). Seems the media has their priorities and focus mixed up.

 

[Cody Pendant]

The people some Idolize

I have only read the review way above.

Let me get this straight..... the author thinks that Ms. H. makes a GOOD roll model????
[huh]

It talks as if she is a model for moral behavior that you would want your daughter to emulate. Not me.
Lets see as already stated.
Adulterer (multiple times), divorcée, cheater, liar and fornicator. Suspended from collage.

Yea right, that’s what you want to girl to learn.
Not what I want my child to emulate.

And lets not forget her motherly instincts ala her mom : Katharine Martha Houghton (1878 – 1951) (co-founder of Planned Parenthood.)
No wonder she never had children, or knew how to maintain a relationship with a man.

And lets not forget her wonderful way with words…. I believe she was known in the press as “Acerbic”!

The woman had absolutly NO MORAL COMPAS!
Do what ever feels good to you at anybodys expense.

Seems to me peeps are confusing star success with a successful life. Lets make heros out of any famous person, because it will sell, not because they are worthy examples.

Let me guess, the next book recommendation will be the pedaphile Michal J.’s post humus book on parenting! Titled : Loving your boys the “Thriller” way.

Give me a break!