Funeral arrangements

[Darhling]

Well I have offered my body to science, should there be any left I just want to be cremated and then have the biggest and baddest party ever, the final ego-centric party where all the homevideos with me being silly and funny, only funny stories from my life and lots of food and really good champagne and bartenders everywhere to make sure nobody leaves without being at least tipsy. I want food dishes prepared that makes the mouth water so nobody can refuse to eat and not just nibble on some plain food. And if someone dares to put a picture of me in the church, I want it to be one where I look completely daft. I want it to be a celabration of the life I have led not a mourning of my death.

 

[Copper]

Has anyone read "Stiff"? Very interesting information on practices after death. Creeped me out terribly in some cases - made me laugh out loud in others.

Loved that book - 'Spook' and 'Bonk' by Mary Roach were great too.

Having gained a familiarity with death over the years, I have little interest in the manner of disposal of my remains. My sister has always said that she wants an open casket wake, and insists that she wants her eyes open for it, just to creep people out. lol This is actually a frequent 'prank' in university anatomy labs and can be acheived with a little glycerin and a syringe.

As for funereal arrangements, I'd like to think of a good and hearty send-off with friends and family; good ale and whisky, well catered. I'd be OK with an attendance, though out of respect for them, eyes closed would be fine.

I found something that may be of interest to FL'ers in New Zealand a while ago - a chance to have one's (hopefully cremated!) remains scattered in vintage style from a DC-3. Up to 30 family and friends can come along, and afterwards a flypast of the plane can be arranged.

Sounds like a lovely, stylish departure to me.

 

[CharlesB]

Well I have offered my body to science, should there be any left I just want to be cremated and then have the biggest and baddest party ever, the final ego-centric party where all the homevideos with me being silly and funny, only funny stories from my life and lots of food and really good champagne and bartenders everywhere to make sure nobody leaves without being at least tipsy. I want food dishes prepared that makes the mouth water so nobody can refuse to eat and not just nibble on some plain food. And if someone dares to put a picture of me in the church, I want it to be one where I look completely daft. I want it to be a celabration of the life I have led not a mourning of my death.

Agreed. In my family you get cremated, and then a party is thrown. No point in mourning someone you can't bring back. Best you can do is celebrate life.

 

[BegintheBeguine]

Please donate your remains.

Same here. Everyone in my family has signed whatever appropriate card to get their body donated. Me, my military ID and my driver's license. The funeral home handles the transportation of the body, any newspaper announcements, memorial service if you wish and if you don't want to use your house of worship, with no pressure. In my dad's case it cost me about $830.00 total, and I put it on my Discover card. So much easier on me, I didn't have to worry about a casket, plot, or how to pay for all that. We had an awesome service for him.
The University of Rochester called me when his ashes were ready to be collected, nicely done up and with many thanks.
When I was in nursing school cadavers were invaluable. For some reason they've become a lot more scarce. And thank goodness two people decided to sign their ID cards so my friend could have a double lung transplant. It's just a body, my dad told me I said once, when you're dead you're dead. So even if someone's body 'donated to science got lost', I believe she's still in Heaven.

 

[Darhling]

Same here. Everyone in my family has signed whatever appropriate card to get their body donated. Me, my military ID and my driver's license. The funeral home handles the transportation of the body, any newspaper announcements, memorial service if you wish and if you don't want to use your house of worship, with no pressure. In my dad's case it cost me about $830.00 total, and I put it on my Discover card. So much easier on me, I didn't have to worry about a casket, plot, or how to pay for all that. We had an awesome service for him.
The University of Rochester called me when his ashes were ready to be collected, nicely done up and with many thanks.
When I was in nursing school cadavers were invaluable. For some reason they've become a lot more scarce. And thank goodness two people decided to sign their ID cards so my friend could have a double lung transplant. It's just a body, my dad told me I said once, when you're dead you're dead. So even if someone's body 'donated to science got lost', I believe she's still in Heaven.

I agree with your father, if I am able to help someone after I am dead why not! I have put pretty much every organ up for donation and hope I can be of use when the time come for that. As long as I am in the hearts of the people who love me after I am gone, I can't ask for more.

Now distrubuting my 'estate' will be a lot harder - who will be worthy enough to inherit my closet full of goodies.

BTW I simply adore you new avatar. Pugs rule.

 

[Joie DeVive]

In defense of mourning...

To each their own, and bully for those who don't feel an need to mourn. I, however, am not one of those people, and I have been a little put off by a couple of posts which I would describe as dismissive or flip about mourning.

Perhaps it is because I am so familiar with death. Before I was 18 I lost three of my four grandparents, I have also lost three uncles, a cousin, a great grandmother, my Father-in-law, three of my husband's grandparents of whom I was extremely fond, not to mention the first fellow who asked me out, a handful of school chums, and now my mother has what will sooner or later be a terminal cancer. I don't even tend to be someone who cries at funerals. I usually do my grieving in private, and provide a support role to others when actually at a funeral, but I personally think that grief has a role to play in human existence.

No, grief doesn't bring back the dead. Prolonged or extreme sorrow can indeed swallow your life, but to feel sorrow over a loss is not wasteful. I can't see it as crying over spilt milk. This isn't a trivial thing that "isn't a big deal", it's a deep and permanent change to the living which frankly hurts. Now, it may be selfish, since you are really mourning your loss, but humans can be selfish little creatures on the whole.

My personal experiences with these "celebrations of life" have actually been surreal. I've felt that many of the ones I've attended were very odd affairs where everyone pastes a phony smile over teary eyes and has to get positively blitzed to "get in the spirit". The notable exception was one for a 90-something year old gal from my church who was active right up to the end and went quickly and peacefully. And even then, there were some tears. It's my personal opinion that demanding that people show up and have a party that you are gone can actually be selfish on the deceased's part. The person is requesting that service because he doesn't want to think of people crying over him, or conversely only wants to think of people happy and celebrating him, but that isn't taking into account the needs of those who love and will miss him.

I'll take a mix of the two any day. Come to the church, see me in the box (assuming I'm not mangled of course), come to the church yard, hear the prayers, cry if you want or need to, then go to a party at a hall or in a home, and laugh and tell great stories about me. [huh] Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but that's how I see it. I hope I haven't bruised any feelings or egos, that wasn't my intent. I just wanted to put out a short treatise in defense of the act of mourning.

 

[Big Man]

To each their own, and bully for those who don't feel an need to mourn. I, however, am not one of those people, and I have been a little put off by a couple of posts which I would describe as dismissive or flip about mourning.

Perhaps it is because I am so familiar with death. Before I was 18 I lost three of my four grandparents, I have also lost three uncles, a cousin, a great grandmother, my Father-in-law, three of my husband's grandparents of whom I was extremely fond, not to mention the first fellow who asked me out, a handful of school chums, and now my mother has what will sooner or later be a terminal cancer. I don't even tend to be someone who cries at funerals. I usually do my grieving in private, and provide a support role to others when actually at a funeral, but I personally think that grief has a role to play in human existence.

No, grief doesn't bring back the dead. Prolonged or extreme sorrow can indeed swallow your life, but to feel sorrow over a loss is not wasteful. I can't see it as crying over spilt milk. This isn't a trivial thing that "isn't a big deal", it's a deep and permanent change to the living which frankly hurts. Now, it may be selfish, since you are really mourning your loss, but humans can be selfish little creatures on the whole.

My personal experiences with these "celebrations of life" have actually been surreal. I've felt that many of the ones I've attended were very odd affairs where everyone pastes a phony smile over teary eyes and has to get positively blitzed to "get in the spirit". The notable exception was one for a 90-something year old gal from my church who was active right up to the end and went quickly and peacefully. And even then, there were some tears. It's my personal opinion that demanding that people show up and have a party that you are gone can actually be selfish on the deceased's part. The person is requesting that service because he doesn't want to think of people crying over him, or conversely only wants to think of people happy and celebrating him, but that isn't taking into account the needs of those who love and will miss him.

I'll take a mix of the two any day. Come to the church, see me in the box (assuming I'm not mangled of course), come to the church yard, hear the prayers, cry if you want or need to, then go to a party at a hall or in a home, and laugh and tell great stories about me. [huh] Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but that's how I see it. I hope I haven't bruised any feelings or egos, that wasn't my intent. I just wanted to put out a short treatise in defense of the act of mourning.

Very well said. Having had to deal with death way too much, there is (for most people I think) a need to grieve and mourn.

 

[Foofoogal]

Grieving is such a personal thing. I thank God also that we have a sort of built in process.
It goes something like denial, anger, unbelief, etc.
I have discovered as I have dealt also with alot of deaths that sometimes the ones with the nonchalant ones are actually in shock.
My mom died in 1984. I drank myself crazy for 6 mo. trying as best as I could to be the most obnoxious person in the room. I was 27 and basically figured on an unconscious level that I did not ever want to love anyone that much again so if I was ugly and pushed them all away from me I was home free. (silly girl)
Then in 1987 when my dad died I was the hostest with the mostest. Making sure everyone had a great time with details galore. I was his power of atty. and by golly was going to make him proud. Immediately after his death threw and I mean threw myself into college. Busy, busy schedule with college, kids etc. Well, about a year into it I hit a wall extremely hard.
Death is one thing that few are comfortable with but none of us are immune.

I thank Twitch for starting this thread and think of you often Twitch. I wish the best of everything for you and your family. I pray for peace and extreme love for all of you. Sandy

 

[Darhling]

I have attended quite a few funerals in my lifetime, I don't have any grandparents left, a lot of my parents friends have already passed away and the same with some of their siblings and their spouses. Of course people will cry and mourn but almost every single funeral I have been too have been too sad that everybody quickly left during the wake. I don't want that. I want people to mingle, to talk about their different memories about the person who died and remember them in a good spirit. My mothers father was the last grandparent to die when I was 11 and all his children (6 of them) held a party with a fancy dinner and lots of speaches and that was the best funeral I have been to - I like that people allow themselves to remember all the good times, because I don't want to to be remembered as dead but as the girl who sang out of tune on a table or something else that brings a smile to peoples faces. Of course people mourn in different ways but if I can have my way, I want that one single day to be filled with great memories and of course they are going to be told through tears.

 

[Real Swell Gal]

I've been studying thanatology since I was introduced to it at 16.

Out of all the rituals,burial customs, and strange ideas people come up with I have learned one basic thing.

Funerals are for the living.

 

[CharlesB]

It's kinda sad when a loved one passes. There's been quite a few in the past few years. I get a bit in the dumps upon hearing the news but I usually just move on because nothing I do will bring them back and it does me no good to sit there throwing a pity party for myself

 

[Diamondback]

Diamondback, you stole mine!

I've always thought that if you were carbonized into a diamond, you could be passed on to your heirs (is this too morbid?). In a way it's kind of like Victorian mourning jewelry....only I hope that my kids keep better track of me and I don't show up in an estate sale or something!

No, I didn't--just that similarly romantic minds think alike, dear young lady.

So, maybe a set? lol

The one thing I am truly insistent on is that my entire brain, and all of the paperwork and computer backups of my logic-processes, must be completely destroyed--I want nothing left that somebody could use to bring another "Bourne Identity" online from without going back to the source novels. (The psych professor who "installed" mine has pledged to never undertake such a project again, so I'm safe on that front.) Oh, and if remains are to be interred, that I be buried in uniform and with at least my sidearms, as befitting my nature.

 

[Rooster]

Ok so what are your wishes when that time comes? Cremation? Standard casket? Neptune Society ashes at sea? Wanna have your ashes kept on the mantle or spread somewhere?

I'm opting for cremation and have one of my daughters spread half from atop the Mayan pyramid at Palenque Mexico and the other daughter gets to dump the rest over Wild Bill Hickok's gravesite in Deadwood S.D.

Wild Bill's Grave....now that is clever.....our ashes may mingle one day Twitch!lol

 

[Lucky Strike]

If I wasn't completely godless (that's anti-religious, really), I would probably want to be placed in a crypt/cemetary my family still has the use to.

As it is, I'll be carved up, the usable parts donated to people who might have some use for them, and the rest will be just carved up by med student for education, research or (probably) entertainment. Good for the budding doctors.

After that, it's the oven for the carved-up bits and pieces.

 

[GHT]

Rather than start a new thread this defunct one is perfectly titled for the funeral Tina & I were at two weeks ago.
The lady, known as: "Miss Annie," was very popular on the vintage circuit where she sang jazz, 1930's style. Her wicker basket coffin arrived at the church on the back of a truck from the WW2 era.

Many eulogies of the lady were read out during the service. They brought laughter amongst all the tears.
Tributes galore for Annie, two very moving, yet amusing were from husband, Darren and her eldest son, Harry. Annie, our beautiful friend, a wonderful lady, wife of Darren and mother to: Harry, Arthur and Freddy.
She leaves a gap in all our lives that just cannot be filled.



At the end of the service, Annie's coffin was carried in a procession, from the church, New Orleans style.

I managed a few photos on my phone, remembering to be respectful, of course.

Annie, who was in her wedding dress, was carried by pall bearers all dressed Hawaiian style.
The procession had many a bright, gaudy umbrella, just for the ceremony of it all.

After the family only service at the crematorium, we gathered to party and to bid Annie a final farewell.
At the request of the family, mourners were specifically asked not to wear black, on the contrary, come in your sunshine brightest. At the party I changed from collar and tie to Aloha shirt, but in church I wore a blazer: Tina wore a period sunshine yellow dress that she had previously made.

Annie was just 52, how we love and miss her. If any UK members here have been to The Goodwood Revival of late, you may have seen Annie. She was a lead singer with The Regular Joes and she sang in an all female harmony trio known as: The Fifinellas.

 

[hatsRme]

Rather than start a new thread this defunct one is perfectly titled for the funeral Tina & I were at two weeks ago.
The lady, known as: "Miss Annie," was very popular on the vintage circuit where she sang jazz, 1930's style. Her wicker basket coffin arrived at the church on the back of a truck from the WW2 era.
View attachment 606460

Many eulogies of the lady were read out during the service. They brought laughter amongst all the tears.
Tributes galore for Annie, two very moving, yet amusing were from husband, Darren and her eldest son, Harry. Annie, our beautiful friend, a wonderful lady, wife of Darren and mother to: Harry, Arthur and Freddy.
She leaves a gap in all our lives that just cannot be filled.

View attachment 606458

At the end of the service, Annie's coffin was carried in a procession, from the church, New Orleans style.

View attachment 606459
I managed a few photos on my phone, remembering to be respectful, of course.
View attachment 606462
Annie, who was in her wedding dress, was carried by pall bearers all dressed Hawaiian style.
The procession had many a bright, gaudy umbrella, just for the ceremony of it all.
View attachment 606461 View attachment 606463
After the family only service at the crematorium, we gathered to party and to bid Annie a final farewell.
At the request of the family, mourners were specifically asked not to wear black, on the contrary, come in your sunshine brightest. At the party I changed from collar and tie to Aloha shirt, but in church I wore a blazer: Tina wore a period sunshine yellow dress that she had previously made.
View attachment 606464 View attachment 606465
Annie was just 52, how we love and miss her. If any UK members here have been to The Goodwood Revival of late, you may have seen Annie. She was a lead singer with The Regular Joes and she sang in an all female harmony trio known as: The Fifinellas.

A life well-lived is a reason to celebrate. It’s obvious Miss Annie exemplified that.
A fitting tribute in the form of a funeral can be surprisingly uplifting. Annie’s sure was! Looks to me like she created many, many great memories for many people. Take comfort in those memories; condolences on the loss, my friend.
Thank you for sharing, Robert.

 

[tonyb]

As that late American sage Yogi Berra put it, you have to go to other people’s funerals or they won’t go to yours.

 

[GHT]

A life well-lived is a reason to celebrate. It’s obvious Miss Annie exemplified that.
A fitting tribute in the form of a funeral can be surprisingly uplifting. Annie’s sure was! Looks to me like she created many, many great memories for many people. Take comfort in those memories; condolences on the loss, my friend.
Thank you for sharing, Robert.

That is a well observed tribute Charlie and much appreciated, thank you.

 

[Juanito]

As that late American sage Yogi Berra put it, you have to go to other people’s funerals or they won’t go to yours.

When Yogi's wife asked him what he wanted when he died, "Just bury me where you want. “Surprise me!"

As for me, I'll be buried in a pine box at the family plot along with the previous five generations of Morgans covering 170+ years. There's never been any question and I have known that since I can remember.

 

[tonyb]

When Yogi's wife asked him what he wanted when he died, "Just bury me where you want. “Surprise me!"

As for me, I'll be buried in a pine box at the family plot along with the previous five generations of Morgans covering 170+ years. There's never been any question and I have known that since I can remember.

I’m a bit envious. I have blood relatives going back to the mid-1800s buried behind a countryside church in Wisconsin. That’s not in the cards for me, seeing how my father died when I was four months old and my mother remarried and my connections with that world, while not entirely severed, were certainly made less concrete.