Does anyone else have difficulty sharing a bed?

[TillyMilly]

I have come to the conculsion that I absolutly can't share a bed with anyone. I am an extreamly light sleeper and the sound of somone elses breathing, their movement and if i roll over and touch them it wakes me up. Even as a child I would never wish to sleep in my parents bed like some children do.

My partner of many years has recently moved in and after weeks of disturbed sleep (which is affecting our jobs and our home life) I have realised that we are going to need seperate bedrooms- thank God we have a nice big spare room. My thinking is that if we both get a good night's sleep then we will be brighter and happier when we do spend time togther and not sleepy grumps and spending any spare time we have trying to catch up on sleep (which means we never gat anything done). It does'nt mean that we can't fall asleep togther or wake up togther (especially on weekends!)but that I can sneak off in the night if he starts to snore or he can if I get restless.

Now my parents have the house to themselves they have separte rooms- my Mum said 'why did the aristocrats have separte bedrooms? because they could!'. But when I mentioned this to freinds they immediatly think that my relationship is on the rocks? It's not, we are very much in love and happy.

Does anyone else have difficulty sleeping with a partner, or does anyone find it weird to want to sleep alone?

 

[Smuterella]

I absolutely adore sleeping alone, and waking up alone is the best thing ever. I hate sharing a bed, apart from with the cats, because I find other peoples breathing irritates me. If someones breathing is out of rhythm with mine I get irrationally angry. lol

Its worse than ever at the moment, I've realised recently that I'm so not in a relationship space and that the idea of physical intimacy makes me feel nauseous.

so yes, if I ever have a relationship again, I'll need seperate rooms.

 

[Jasmine Jolene]

i'm in a settled relationship, and although i did feel like that - and admittedly a lot more often in the beginning - now i only get bothered if he is right up in my face.

a shove normally sorts him out though!

 

[Ada Vice]

Shared a bed for the last 3 years and loved waking up and cuddling my partner, or if I had a scary dream or something. Now I'm moving and I'm quite liking having the bed to myself again

I don't think you're weird at all

 

[Foofoogal]

Just saw a segment on National news as it is becoming quite the norm to sleep in seperate beds. Reminds me of Mary and Rob.
I personally have to sleep in same bed but can understand it. Snoring etc.
Just make sure there is an adjoining door or something.
Seems the study showed people do drift apart more with seperate sleeping habits.

My grandparents in my avatar pix were married for over 50 years and had seperate bedrooms. So not sure about the said study. Whatever works for you IMHO and your other.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I share a bed with a big 6'1" 180lb husband and a 46 pound Dalmatian lol

We have a huge king size bed, though, so I don't even notice they are there until my dog starts "dreaming" (that's when I tell her to get down!)

But the hubby -- Our bed is HUGE so he's on one end and I'm on the other. I can't sleep "snuggling" or anything. I block out his breathing by running a fan. I can't sleep in silence, though, even alone. Any little noise will wake me up!

 

[TillyMilly]

Thanks for all your replies Girls, makes me feel less weird.

I'm also looking forward to having a room all for myself that i can indulge all my girlieness in. I have promiced the hubie that he can decorate his room any way he wants and fill it up with DR WHo toys! (he's 43!)

 

[Puzzicato]

I love the idea of separate bedrooms. Corridor creeping and marital visits sound quite romantic. My husband is a terrible snorer, and has very bad insomnia, so I would sleep much better if he were elsewhere, but he isn't having it. Even if I am sick and coughing all night he still insists that it's what he signed up for when he married me.

 

[HepKitty]

I don't mind it really, as long as he doesn't touch me when I'm falling asleep. it's really irritating and the slightest touch will wake me up

but then I'm not sure he would want to share the bed with me anyway, I steal blankets

 

[Ada Vice]

<snip>
Just make sure there is an adjoining door or something.
Seems the study showed people do drift apart more with seperate sleeping habits.

My grandparents in my avatar pix were married for over 50 years and had seperate bedrooms. So not sure about the said study. Whatever works for you IMHO and your other.

I've always fantasised about having a bathroom in the middle of two bedrooms with his and hers sinks!

Maybe your Grandparents were more into the 'this is a life commitment' type of marriage, or the old saying 'marry your friend' people do seem to walk away from marriage a lot more these days don't they?

Sorry didn't mean to put the thread on a downer...

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

I can't sleep snuggled with a partner either, but I wouldn't go so far as to need a separate room. I think my mum is a bit like you Tiska, but she solves the problem with ear plugs and a king size bed so the risk of rolling over and banging together is lessened. I think it's something you get used to as well - I roll all over my bed when I spend a lot of time sleeping alone, but when I'm used to sharing, I stick to one side.

 

[MissHannah]

Me and my partner share a bed occasionally, but we don't live together and we prefer it that way. We both find it quite difficult to sleep well in the same bed as each other - I like to sleep with the radio on and he likes complete silence! But it's more than that - it's just the peace of sleeping alone. I don't think that sleeping together has anything to do with staying close emotionally - you can have plenty of affection and intimacy out of sleep hours (I'm not personally a fan of sex at bedtime - bedtime is for sleep, not nookie!).

 

[kamikat]

I've been married for 13 years, been with him for 16 years and we rarely sleep together. I am a chronic insomniac and wake up at the smallest sounds. It's better in a hotel room when we have a king bed, but at home, we have a queen. I don't have my own room, but do sleep most nights either on the couch or the guest bedroom.

 

[Mid-fogey]

Would you like...

...one man's perspective?

You ladies are not alone. I lament the fact that sleeping in the same bed has acquired a false association with relationship closeness. How many couples breakup, divorce, etc. after having always slept together? How many lasted a long time in separate beds or rooms?

My parents have a guest room with lovely twin beds that my wife and I make a beeline to when we visit. We say it’s about the fact that the room is quieter, but it’s really all about having our own beds.

I have in the past suggested that me might get twin beds or use two bedrooms and my wife thought that was weird. This from a woman who comes to bed three hour after me because she can't sleep, has to have a fan for white noise, and punches me when I snore.

Ironically, I’m the one who doesn’t need a separate bed or room. I fall asleep instantly, sleep all night, and artillery wouldn’t wake me up.

 

[KittyT]

Tishkaminx, my first suggestion would be to try earplugs.

I have never been married but I think that separate rooms are a fabulous idea - not just because of the sleep disturbance (which doesn't bother me at all), but because each person NEEDS their individual space. When my partner and I moved into our place together, I insisted on a 2 bedroom, which he just didn't understand. While we don't have beds in both bedrooms (which is too bad, because I snore and it disturbs him a lot - luckily we have a comfy couch!), it still allows me my own space, which is wonderful.

I used to have a friend who had a bedroom separate from their main bedroom. They usually slept together, but she had horrible fibromyalgia and frequently couldn't stand having someone else there. She had a nice little room (done up in Winnie the Poo!) that provided respite for her when she needed her space - and it worked very well for them.

Sometimes you just want to be by yourself. I LOVE sprawling out in my bed and my cats love having lots of space to stretch out. Me + cats + bed = heaven.

 

[AmateisGal]

I don't mind sharing a bed with my husband except when he snores. We used to have a king-sized bed and that was the best for us because we had our own space. But there are many nights I end up on the couch due to his snoring.

 

[LizzieMaine]

My grandparents had separate rooms for the last forty years of their marriage, and it worked just fine. My own ex used to snore like an industrial grinder, and would often go out to sleep on the couch after a few well placed kicks from me. Intimacy is all well and good, but not at the expense of a decent night's sleep.

 

[KittyT]

I don't think that sleeping together has anything to do with staying close emotionally - you can have plenty of affection and intimacy out of sleep hours (I'm not personally a fan of sex at bedtime - bedtime is for sleep, not nookie!).

I agree with you, Hannah, but I do also think there's something very intimate about sleeping together. When you are asleep, you are at your absolute most vulnerable, and if you look at it like that, sleeping next to someone is the ultimate expression of trust.

 

[Puzzicato]

I don't think that sleeping together has anything to do with staying close emotionally - you can have plenty of affection and intimacy out of sleep hours (I'm not personally a fan of sex at bedtime - bedtime is for sleep, not nookie!).

Well said. He comes to bed about 3 hours after I do and I will not be woken up for canoodling! If he's having a snoring night that'll be the only quality sleep I get.

I steal blankets

We have separate bedding. Sidesteps the issue completely! And as I like to sleep a lot hotter than he does it means I can have a much heavier duvet.

 

[scarlett]

...one man's perspective?
This from a woman who comes to bed three hour after me because she can't sleep, has to have a fan for white noise, and punches me when I snore.

Ironically, I’m the one who doesn’t need a separate bed or room. I fall asleep instantly, sleep all night, and artillery wouldn’t wake me up.

This sounds like our home at night. We've been together for 21+ years now and sometimes we are in seperate beds. I can't go to sleep most nights until I'm completely exhausted and he snores for about the first 2 hours after he's gone to sleep. Some nights, I fall asleep really early and we sleep peacefully together for the entire night. Others, I fall asleep on the couch for a few hours then go to bed.

Yes, it is important to be well rested and happy. No, I don't think it's weird to sleep alone.