Does anyone else have difficulty sharing a bed?

[MissHannah]

I agree with you, Hannah, but I do also think there's something very intimate about sleeping together. When you are asleep, you are at your absolute most vulnerable, and if you look at it like that, sleeping next to someone is the ultimate expression of trust.

Yeah, that is true. But it doesn't necessarily have to be every night I suppose.

I think we are conditioned into believing that only relationships that involve co-habiting and sharing a bed every night can be considered 'committed' or permanent and I just don't see why that should be true. (That part wasn't directed at you btw Kitty!).

 

[Miss_Becky]

Love my space!!

I think it's totally healthy to have your own room. Even if there is no bed in there, just a place that is all your own.

When my boyfriend falls asleep, he falls asleep hard and fast, he snores soooo loud, moves around a lot which ends up shifting me to the edge of the bed and with only a sliver of blanket to keep me warm....oh and on top of all that, he likes to keep the room cold, I am a cold baby and need to be warm to fall asleep...and sometimes he has bouts of insomnia and can stay up until 6 am.

I am an extremely light sleeper, it takes me at least an hour to get my body in sleep mode, so I need to be comfortable, quiet and to dim the lights so I can read, which helps me sleep. So when he starts to snore, I am wide awake! I cannot ignore the sound ( he can get really loud, like a monster almost lol , I end up nudging him a little to wake him so he stops snoring, but I'd have to that every 10 minutes, which keeps BOTH of us up all night, not fun!!!...

So we cuddle until we fall asleep, when he wakes me up with his snoring, I head out to the living room. I like sleeping in the quiet living room...that's where I get the best sleep!! And it helps me to not be so dang grumpy in the morning from lack of sleep...I need my sleep!!!! And when I am in a good mood, it benefits both of us.

 

[KittyT]

Something else - for those of you with partners who snore, I would encourage them to contact a sleep doctor to ask about doing a study to rule out sleep apnea. Sleep apnea can be serious and has a lot of long-term medical consequences.

 

[Miss 1929]

We need separate beds, if not rooms! At this point , the bedroom is too small for two beds and the guest room, which is also my space/closet room, is always such a mess that it is too much work to pull out the futon.

I sleep through everything. He's hypersensitive to sound, light, touch and the shaking of the bed when I make the least move. I need oxygen, he can't stand an open window. I like the cat on the bed and he objects.

Of course this is all highly subjective. Night before last, he claims he woke up FOUR TIMES (his emphasis) from me shaking the bed while turning over. However, he slept and snored right through me getting up, turning on the light, going in the kitchen and clapping hands and speaking firmly to the raccoons who were eating the cat food. So I really have a hard time believeing it's as bad as he says.

I think separate bathrooms are even more important - it's really hard for two or more people to live in a one-toilet house at times.

 

[lolly_loisides]

I shared a bed for 10 years & rarely got a decent night sleep due to my partners snoring.

I've read studies that claim people who sleep for six hours or less a night are more likely to be overweight compared to those who sleep for seven or more. It makes sense to me – not only is it hard to get motivated to exercise if I'm tired, but it’s also easier to give into cravings for sweet sugary carbs to lift my energy levels.

So there you go - I put weight on & it's all HIS fault! Infact for the past 8 weeks I've not shared a bed & have lost 20 pounds, so maybe there is something to it.

 

[TillyMilly]

Lolly

I was only just thinking about this today- how I've put on weight since I haven't been sleeping. It doesn't help that we have a shop in our work so it's too easy to give into sugar cravings to give me an energy boost- I've put on 1st and 1/2 and it's really getting me down

I got some good and strong sleeping tablets form the docs yesterday and slept almost through till 5am this morning!

 

[Lola Getz]

I'm also looking forward to having a room all for myself that i can indulge all my girlieness in.

I wish this were an option in my life! I'm jealous.
I cannot sleep with my husband as the slightest shift of movement wakes me up (plus, the snoring! Oy vey!) I'm a mess most mornings, since I don't think I've had an uninterupted night's sleep since about 1995.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

Personally I love sleeping with my other half. We both are fairly heavy sleepers and generally don't disturb each other.

I know this isn't the case for many, but my parent's had a horrifically bad marriage and they slept in different rooms for the last 10 years until they've now separated. My mind is sort of conditioned to believe that separate rooms equals bad marriage/relationship. I know this is irrational, but I'm happier in the knowledge that I share a bed with my partner. I think we're just lucky that we have the option nowadays to make these choices.

With regards to snoring, I work as a hypnotherapist and if snoring is a problem you should definately go to the doctors to check if it is sleep apnea, but this is generally found in older males, who are overweight and drink too much. I have worked with many snorers and their partners. I desensitize the partner to the other's snoring and with the snorer I work with them usually helping them to lose weight/cut down on the drinking, but also to remind them to turn on their side when they're sleeping as this usually makes snoring less bad. Many couples have come back to me saying how much better they are as a couple and both sleep well.

 

[Christi.adell]

If you can have your own bedroom and bed...omg do it! Personally I think sleeping together is overrated. And the only reason I can stand it now is because we have a king bed.

Of course now we have a little one between us in the bed and she still wakes up at night so I'm not getting much sleep anyway! So I say NOTHING is as good as a good night's sleep.

 

[Paisley]

Does anyone else have difficulty sleeping with a partner...?

Yes! My dog used to get on the bed, then off the bed, then on, then off. I finally started telling her to get down whenever she got on, but she's always on the bed when I wake up. When the alarm goes off, she puts her nose under my hand to let me know it's time to pet her.

However, I've been told that sleeping with me is like sleeping with a windmill, so we may be well matched.

 

[Drappa]

Even though we have enough rooms and two beds in the house to sleep in separate beds, we never do so unless one of our pets is sick, in that case I have slept on the couch in the living room to be with them.
Hubby jerks and twitches a lot in his sleep and sometimes snores. Just this morning he woke up and stroked my hair, and when he fell asleep again pulled on my hair, but I don't mind mostly and sleep through anything.
Half the night we also share the bed with two cats, one of whom is a very loud purrer and likes to lie on my chest and nibble my face at 5am or so, which is slightly annoying but not enough for me to ban them from the bedroom. Most mornings I wake up and have a cat lying on either side and am unable to move my legs or get out of bed, but it actually relaxes me to see them sleeping happily and hear the dog breathing under the bed (it's a really high french bed).
Whenever I think it would be nice to have a night alone, hubby is away for work and I miss him terribly and sleep badly while he's gone.
Having said all that, I think it's perfectly fine to sleep in different rooms or stay in different appartements. It all depends on whether the relationship and physical closeness meets both partner's needs, and you don't need to be together physically all the time to have that.

 

[KittyT]

I think we are conditioned into believing that only relationships that involve co-habiting and sharing a bed every night can be considered 'committed' or permanent and I just don't see why that should be true.

Having said all that, I think it's perfectly fine to sleep in different rooms or stay in different appartements.

My parents have been married for more than 30 years. For roughly half of that time, they have not only lived in different residences, but in different countries! My dad comes home to visit maybe 2 or 3 times per year for a couple weeks at a time (mostly due to US laws regarding expatriots and US tax code). I'm not sure I'd call them "happily" married, but living apart works well for them and has allowed them to maintain a stable marriage, and this certainly does not make them any less committed to each other.

 

[Tomasso]

I had an aunt and uncle who lived in a home (of their design) which had a large marital bedroom in the center with smaller his and her bedrooms (with bathrooms) on either side. The main bedroom had a TV, stereo, bar and bathroom with a hot tub. They called it their Rumpus Room and after they had their fun the would retreat to their respective bedrooms......with neither having to sleep in the wet spot...


Most women who knew of the arrangement thought it very weird, while most of the men were more open-minded.

 

[Grant Fan]

Well let me tell you I don't think it is weird at all. I mean look at Tim Burton and Helena Bonam-Carter they are married and have separate houses. I for one don't mind sleeping with my boyfriend, but I am a heavy sleeper, and the only time either one of us wakes up is when we aren't touching. We only wake up enough to find the other one then go back to sleep. But some people need their space. The worst problem we run into is that we are both very tall and have a hard time finding enough leg room. My parents generally sleep in separate (she gets up and moves in the night) because my mom has a hard time sleeping and doesn't want to wake my father. SO I think it is completely normal that you all sleep separately

 

[Land-O-LakesGal]

We need separate beds, if not rooms! At this point , the bedroom is too small for two beds and the guest room, which is also my space/closet room, is always such a mess that it is too much work to pull out the futon.

I sleep through everything. He's hypersensitive to sound, light, touch and the shaking of the bed when I make the least move.

I think separate bathrooms are even more important - it's really hard for two or more people to live in a one-toilet house at times.

I am in the same boat as Miss 1929 although not the guest room our guest room now belongs to the 2 year old and the 8 year old has a bunk bed but sleeps with the lights on. We have a king size bed and it really helps to co-sleeping situation. We also bought the more expensive mattress with separately wrapped springs that are supposed to cause less or no motion when one person has to get up in the night. I can handle sleeping with my Hubby but his bathroom had a mold problem and we are redoing it now all 4 of us are sharing one bathroom. What I wouldn't do for my own private bathroom!!!!

 

[HepKitty]

We have separate bedding. Sidesteps the issue completely! And as I like to sleep a lot hotter than he does it means I can have a much heavier duvet.

yes, it seems to be a European thing to have separate duvets and a bedcover just to make it look nice when it's made. that's how it was in Germany when I was there. sure it's been a long time but I doubt it has changed

I tend to get cold so I learned to throw on an extra blanket just on my side when I need it

 

[Foofoogal]

Ok, honey used to snore badly, I actually could not go to sleep unless I heard him. I used to nudge him about 40 times an hour to keep him breathing ( dedication) but he didn't believe me. Till he went to doc and got tested. Found out for sure he had sleep apnea. (not a drinker, bit overweight)

I like the idea of a rumpus room with a hot tub.

Now I just kid him and sing the song "ground control to Major Tom" and make like I am sleeping with an astronaut. lol 35 years.

As we can see from this thread whatever works. My grandparents eloped in 1904 by him riding up to her window against her fathers wishes in the rain on a horse. They adored each other till the day they died. I applaud them as they went thru many, many things. Many not so good.
I loved my grandmothers bedroom. It had a chenille bedspread with a peacock. I love chenille till this day.

 

[lareine]

I love sharing a bed with my husband but I sleep better alone. He is away overseas at the moment and I am definitely enjoying being able to sleep like a starfish lol

Having my own room would be a real luxury. I need more sleep than hubby does so he often puts me to bed, cuddles me until I'm asleep, then goes back to the living room for another couple of hours. He's always up before me too except at weekends, so I am used to waking up alone. Having my own room wouldn't actually change things very much in that respect!

 

[Honey Bee]

My parents have been married for more than 30 years. For roughly half of that time, they have not only lived in different residences, but in different countries! My dad comes home to visit maybe 2 or 3 times per year for a couple weeks at a time (mostly due to US laws regarding expatriots and US tax code). I'm not sure I'd call them "happily" married, but living apart works well for them and has allowed them to maintain a stable marriage, and this certainly does not make them any less committed to each other.

What works well for one couple, doesn't work well for another is all!
Just because you sleep in the same bed, doesn't mean everythings are all peachy keen...they ARE here, but then that's just us lol

 

[Daimere]

I work night shift and my fiance works dayshift. I've only slept with my significant other a few times since I switched. I miss it at times. I grew accustomed to hearing him breath. Now I sleep with a fan on to make up the noise. I miss having someone chatting with me till I'm too tired to think anymore. I definitely don't miss the blanket fighting and what not. I'm sure after we marry, I'll switch to dayshift or something just to make it easier on our relationship.