Dating: Do's and Dont's (1949)

[docneg]

You and me both, i'm talking about the guys that give men in general a bad reputation.

Oh, you mean that other 98%? Yeah, they tick me off, too.

 

[FinalVestige79]

Mmm... I guess I'm just a nervous person. I can't usually understand why a guy would be interested in me, anyway. Not that it happens often (honestly), but it's nice when it is, even if I am skeptical. When I was younger my friends used to invite me places and then... not show up. So I get nervous it will be like that, and work myself up over it. I figure I'll get over it soon.

avedwards- You sound like a real gentleman.

Like wise, in every respect to what you just said. I had the "being ditched" thing happen to me as well. It wasn't pleasant and led to a fight in school (very long agonizing story). I've noticed a pattern in the lounge, old fashioned people have old fashioned manners...and when I thought that I was the only example of true chivalry within 100 square miles I find this place...and it makes me happy to know there are more gentleman and ladies in the world, to me it seems to outweigh the gracelessness of life and the people we have to interact with on a daily basis. The rude, the crude..you know the rest.

Like my signature says... Being a chivalrous gentleman isn't a natural trait, its a choice of living. One has to work at it...and I know I'm preaching to the choir.
When it comes to dating...you try to put your best foot forward...to impress the person if you genuinely are interested and attracted to them, BUT that doesn't mean if the relationship goes further you stop being as you were that first night. Thats where people go wrong, all the facades, and being what they think is what the other person is looking for. You just need to be real, a gentleman gets a lady. Just like happiness begets happiness. If you act like a gentleman to get the girl and then those qualities seem to fall away...you are no longer a gentleman. Thats just me. Its what I've learned. It all goes back to honesty.

 

[avedwards]

Mmm... I guess I'm just a nervous person. I can't usually understand why a guy would be interested in me, anyway. Not that it happens often (honestly), but it's nice when it is, even if I am skeptical. When I was younger my friends used to invite me places and then... not show up. So I get nervous it will be like that, and work myself up over it. I figure I'll get over it soon.

avedwards- You sound like a real gentleman.

Thank you. I try my best.

As for being nervous, I was too until very very recently. I was of the same opinion that no one would be interested in me, but I learned that that was not the case. So my point is that there is always someone interested in you but it takes time to find that person. And I am not idealistic, since I am by and large a cynic, but here I am being realistic - with so many people in the world one day you must come across someone who will be interested in you.

 

[Lady Jessica]

Well thanks everyone. I guess I'll just wait patiently. I'm just a bit paranoid... But I'm getting over it, I have high hopes! I'm rather optimistic, usually. So we'll see. As for being shy, I've always been that way. So I guess that's just part of me naturally.

I like old fashioned people. They seem to be the best, as far as manners go. I've noticed a pattern too.

 

[donCarlos]

Seems like dating life becomes a real issue of the month here

And yes, I must join the club of socially awkward loungers. I never cared about it, but since my friend, who is basically the same person as I am, just in a smaller and a bit less arrogant package, found himself in a situation where at least four girls don´t leave him alone all the time... It´s time to change something.

Importance of the first date is indisputable, man shall try to show and do his best. I even created kind of a map of Prague with nice restaurants, interesting things to see and do etc. to be able to plan each minute of a date according to the weather, mood, occasion, medical condition of the participants... Since the girl I ask out has to be kinda´ perfect (which means I´m very choosy), I don´t use this map very much, but I can do wonders with it.

It seems to me that I´m perfect, except one little thing - I´m not used to any kind of physical contact, which is one of the things that girl expects the guy to start with. I can´t. It solves the kissing problem, but as somebody has already written, the girl may think that I´m not interested.

Oh God, I´m using FL as a confessional again. I´ll stop it right there.

 

[Djupis]

Well thanks everyone. I guess I'll just wait patiently. I'm just a bit paranoid... But I'm getting over it, I have high hopes! I'm rather optimistic, usually. So we'll see. As for being shy, I've always been that way. So I guess that's just part of me naturally.

I like old fashioned people. They seem to be the best, as far as manners go. I've noticed a pattern too.

I can certainly connect and seems like a lot of others here can as well. The internet is certainly great this way.

 

[cherry lips]

I'm not sure how I come across on the internet, but in real life I'm pretty popular (it hasn't always been this way, mind you). I'm ace at making friends out of strangers, fitting into gangs, getting respect and love from all ages and both sexes, making people laugh, being the life of the party, going out alone/ going to parties where I don't know a soul, etc. BUT all my charm vanishes if I'm interested in and attracted to somebody! I'm awkward, nervous, self-deprecating, overwhelming... like Woody Allen only worse! This is fine if you're making friends (they just think you're being entertaining and eccentric), but a catastrophe if you're trying to flirt. I turn into a chatterbox, put the guy on a piedestal, and end up scaring him away! Once I even became a so-called psycho bitch. The more interested and attracted I am, the worse it gets.:eusa_booh I identify with you donCarlos, I'm picky (unfortunately), and I also seem to use FL as a confessional. I wrote this yesterday:

Good point. I still have serious confidence issues when it comes to flirting with people I'm interested in Not only do I need make-up, I need a stiff drink to feel confident and to keep my heart still. I feel too much and I think too much. I wish it wasn't like this of course :eusa_booh

 

[Foofoogal]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhGjtZz2WS8

love will always find you.

 

[Djupis]

I'm picky (unfortunately), and I also seem to use FL as a confessional.

I wish I could, but I always get the feeling that it will mess up my relative anonymity somehow [huh]

 

[lagunie]

A kind of funny and at the same time sad thread. From the vantage of age one can look back and realize how much time was wasted in all the worry of -how do I look, what do I say etc. I feel sorry for the current generation because there is so much pressure on them. They have so much exposure from the internet on pornography that they have to deal with. Sending nude photos back and forth on their cells. Who from my generation with ever imagine an affair with a teacher! From talking to younger men it seems there is almost more pressure on them to 'perform' than on girls who can just say no. If a boy doesn't make a pass then he might be gay. If he is allowed to go further and he (how can I say this?) can't really perform then he is laughed at. Then there is the reality of what he is physically compared to what he has to measure up to on the internet. I hope I'm not going over the bounds of taste here. We really do live in different times compared to the innocence of the dating movie. If I had any advice it would be - be yourself. If you can't think of anything to say it might not be you but the person your with who doesn't bring out your interest or curiosity. Maybe the next person will. It's better to be honest - this is who I am- than create a facade of who you are not. It reminds me of a quote from an old movie star - Rita Hayworth. She said, "men go to bed with Gilda (her most famous movie role) and wake up with me". She ended up with five or six husbands and none of the marriages lasted.

God, I'm glad I'm not 18 anymore....

 

[avedwards]

Seems like dating life becomes a real issue of the month here

And yes, I must join the club of socially awkward loungers. I never cared about it, but since my friend, who is basically the same person as I am, just in a smaller and a bit less arrogant package, found himself in a situation where at least four girls don´t leave him alone all the time... It´s time to change something.

Importance of the first date is indisputable, man shall try to show and do his best. I even created kind of a map of Prague with nice restaurants, interesting things to see and do etc. to be able to plan each minute of a date according to the weather, mood, occasion, medical condition of the participants... Since the girl I ask out has to be kinda´ perfect (which means I´m very choosy), I don´t use this map very much, but I can do wonders with it.

It seems to me that I´m perfect, except one little thing - I´m not used to any kind of physical contact, which is one of the things that girl expects the guy to start with. I can´t. It solves the kissing problem, but as somebody has already written, the girl may think that I´m not interested.

Oh God, I´m using FL as a confessional again. I´ll stop it right there.

The idea of a map is good, but personally I'd say leave it. IMO a good date doesn't need to be planned precisely but you should just take it as it comes. So knowing good restaurants is good, but don't plan when to go where.

Just my opinion of course, not to be taken too seriously as I'm hardly a success on dates. And you use FL as a confessional, I use instant messaging with people I only fleetingly know, so I'm just as bad.

 

[FinalVestige79]

Which is why....quality before quantity. I much rather prefer a date where both of us have fun, over the proverbial dinner reservations. As soon as you mention those two words, the stress level rises. And thats not the making for a good date. and 9/10 that generic type of date is never as fun as what could have been.

Casual walk in the park, or a walk through antique shops. Both showing her what you are like, and the girl is more at ease. Its common ground, not your "turf" or hers. I'm not successful on dates, I've only been on a handful myself, some...better than others. By far I am no expert...but living with a shrink who works for the govt. as a profile for 2 years taught me a lot.

Like a perfect date in my mind would be a Saturday just driving around and going places, like the Orange Circle, taking her to lunch at Blue Frog, going to Ontario, catching a movie and then going by Logans for some icecream and then ending it with dinner with a fireworks show at Down town Disney. Of course that is all subjective and changes as the day does. Make it a quality date, as stressless as possible, entertain her, make sure she has a good time, and the rest will fall into place. Now, just to have an opportunity to execute this master plan....and now, I wait. lol

 

[Lady Jessica]

I like connecting on the internet (I get nervous when I post for the first time, though), but meeting the internet people in real life just... ugh, I'm a mess. I can't even converse with them. I plan on going to an event, so... I hope I don't stand there all blushy and not saying anything. That would be embarrassing.

I tend to like the imperfect guys. Probably because perfect guys want perfect girls and that's too much stress for me. I like a guy that won't be afraid to argue with me. I like to argue. I guess that's from being a Gemini.

I love the downtown Disney idea. Very cute!

 

[FinalVestige79]

I do too, I like making new friends and acquaintances, and it helps with networking I've discovered, and you learn a lot. Fedora lounge events are always a lot of fun, I've been to one so far, and will be going to the baseball game in June!

Perfect people are the most imperfect of them all, and it causes them to be in denial and for them to demand and have preconceived notions of others. Arguing is fun, for me I learn from it. Us Geminis....we are very argumentative bunch!

And thank you, I put thought into dates, and thats only one.

 

[Brooksie]

fftopic: Ha Ha - boy do I ever know that Gemeni's like to argue... I was raised by two of them (both my mom and dad are Gemeni's) so on top of being a cancer I also have a lot of Gemeni in my personality because of that.

Brooksie

 

[FinalVestige79]

Lol, argueing is fun! As long as one doesn't degrade the debate with profanity and maliciousness.

 

[avedwards]

Lol, argueing is fun! As long as one doesn't degrade the debate with profanity and maliciousness.

Such as when the other party calls you a Jew hater and a Nazi hater (which is true but conflicts with what he previously said) for no apparent reason? He also used other more tasteless insults which I will not repeat as they aren't appropriate for the lounge. Just shows how strange some people are. All I can say is that my hat got me further than his stupidity got him (there is clear evidence to show this).

 

[FinalVestige79]

I can relate to the Jew and nazi comments...for some reason people think because I have Jewish looking features I'm Jewish...and this is coming from a guy that reenacts SS. Lol. People mistake me for being Jewish a lot, I don't find it insulting, unless you continue with the comments, and make assumptions,and make it the butt of very joke, then its no longer tolerable and that person will be dealt with thusly.

 

[avedwards]

I wasn't being called Jewish, rather it was being made out that I hated them which is wrong. I'm half German and some people fail to realise that not all Germans were Nazis (in my case my family weren't even involved in the war as they were ex pats). But I decided not to take offense from that as it was just an idiotic comment, as were all the other arguments the person put forward. His other arguments which aren't too inappropriate to post were things like accusing me of being the "world's biggest nerd" for carrying a briefcase. Wouldn't that make most of the world's businessmen "nerds" too?

 

[FinalVestige79]

Eh, just gracelessness in the world. Thats all it is. And inescapable ignorance. Hell, I know I'm a nerd, I dress vintage I carry a suit case too, and a grip when I have an act at the Granada. I really want an umbrella or cane.