Clean Jokes

[Robieman]

Economic comment

Secretary of the U.S.Treasury Janet Yellen admits $1.9 trillion stimulus is a possible inflationary risk.

Imagine that!!

 

[tonyb]

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Frunobulax]

View attachment 308600

Some folks don't just have issues, some folks have subscriptions.

 

[Harp]

In another life back when I was an incorrigible teenage irresponsible malcontent disrespectful of authority,
I attended a CIA (Christians in Action) briefing in Thessaloniki, Greece. A deadly serious brief, the CIA
case officer decided to lighten things a bit and waved around photos of Yasser Arafat's new boyfriend,
a blond blue eyed Nordic twenty-one or twenty deuce. Several nude pix included.
I sensed that I was about to become figuratively the proverbial gluteus maximus of a joke by the
First Sergeant. I saw it coming right across the plate at my head like a Bob Gibson headache pitch.

The First Sergeant or commonly called lingua franca "Top," for topkick, really didn't like me much.
I was young enough to be his son, and, this all before cell phones, relied on the orderly room phone #
for my girlfriends to use, which often meant he had to take notes. Always looking to hang my teen ass
off a flagpole for some reason or other, he waved the Nordic's photos in the air and said I should apply
to the PLO for a job after I got out of the Army; which, he often said would be an occasion for him
to celebrate, a pretty boy like me could be of service to Arafat. Top thought I was better looking than
the boyfriend, and the boyfriend reminded him of me....

A silence swept the room. I looked at Top and smiled. And I remarked that the twink reminded me of him.

Top froze. "How so about that Tom?" Now Top was a master sergeant, a soldier from bore-to-butteplate
who drank coffee and pissed rifle bore cleaner, and I just compared him to Yasser's that's my baby,
baby boy toy. And none too pleased considering I was the source of this.

"You're a pain in the ass too, Top."

Room erupted with laughter. Even Top chuckled.

I subsequently was detailed to Hammelberg, West Germany to take the Bundeswehr Commando course.

 

[Zombie_61]

^ Well played Harp! As I'm sure you know, once you've engaged the "enemy" it's not a good idea to show any signs of weakness.

 

[BobHufford]

From a FaceBook page I follow ... (maybe this should be in the "You Know You're Getting Old" thread).

Once a Punk/Mod. Making his way to the couch to watch Quadrophenia for the 2 millionth time.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Hammelberg, West Germany to take the Bundeswehr Commando course.

Hammelburg??

 

[Harp]

Hammelburg??

Ja, das habe ich gesagt, Hammelburg-naturlich habe ich die Schreibweise verschraubt Trench.

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Viagra?? Nah, go away with that. I tried it twice.
First time, I got a stiff neck, immediately. Second time, it accidently fell in the toilet and the seat tilt up on its own. Bah, Alien stuff..."

 

[Frunobulax]

Me: Nice looking dog you have there, officer!

Police officer: Thanks! This is Diesel, he's our new drug sniffing dog.

Me: Still in training, I see.

Officer: What?

Me: What?

 

[GHT]

It’s Saturday morning and Bob is just about to set off on his round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who will fix the washing machine is coming around at noon. So he heads to the clubhouse and phones home.
“Hello?” Says a little girls voice.
“Hi, honey, it’s Daddy,” says Bob. “Is Mommy near the phone?”
“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.”
After a brief pause, Bob says, “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank, honey!”
“Yes, I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!”
“Okay, then. Here’s what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car’s just pulled up outside the house.”
“Okay, Daddy!” A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. “Well I did what you said, Daddy.”
“And what happened?”
“Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she’s just laying there crying.”
“Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank”
“He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he’s just laying there not moving.”
There is a long pause.
“Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?”

 

[GHT]

"Viagra?? Nah, go away with that. I tried it twice.
First time, I got a stiff neck, immediately. Second time, it accidently fell in the toilet and the seat tilt up on its own. Bah, Alien stuff..."

Trenchie, do you know the English expression of a wimp? If so, whatever you do, don't believe that viagra eye drops will make you look hard.

 

[Fifty150]

ENTIRE JOKE REDACTED

 

[BobHufford]

ENTIRE JOKE REDACTED

... been there.

 

[BobHufford]

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Frunobulax]

Saturday Morning Toons...

 

[1967Cougar390]

Why do people wear Shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?

Because regular rocks are to heavy!