Clean Jokes

[MisterCairo]

A former JAG colleague was Captain (Dave) Kirk, and a current one is Major Power. There is also currently a Captain Major in the Canadian Army. Bet they can hardly wait for promotion...

 

[MisterCairo]

A very Canadian joke.


Two hicks are fishing early in the season in a canoe on a lake. One, looking for a spot to cast, sees a man face down in the water.

He tells his friend and they hurriedly paddle over to help. Amazingly they get the man into their canoe without tipping over, and one begins mouth to mouth. Sadly, the man cannot be revived.

"Such a shame, but we did our best" says the one.

"True. I do wonder though, why he smells so bad" says the other.

" I wondered too. Also, why is he wearing a snowmobile suit"?

 

[Frunobulax]

A former JAG colleague was Captain (Dave) Kirk, and a current one is Major Power. There is also currently a Captain Major in the Canadian Army. Bet they can hardly wait for promotion...

Shades of Catch-22.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Canadian]

A former JAG colleague was Captain (Dave) Kirk, and a current one is Major Power. There is also currently a Captain Major in the Canadian Army. Bet they can hardly wait for promotion...

I had a Sgt. Major Hazard in my platoon at camp.

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Harp]

A former JAG colleague was Captain (Dave) Kirk.

I once represented a soldier standing summary court challenge which board chaired by a Captain Love.
Upon learning chair, said defendant: "That f...er, I'm screwed."

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Frunobulax]

Saturday Morning 'Toons

This one's for Trenchie

 

[GHT]

We had a local doctor named. M.D. Bonebrake, MD.

We had a school teacher name of Shakeshaft, most unfortunate. I like being a Lounge member, so I can't tell you his nickname.

 

[GHT]

Saturday Morning 'Toons

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This one's for Trenchie

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If Trenchie did but know, the Welsh have a similar problem.

 

[Turnip]

Vaccination chaos solved...

Government to purchase 450.000.000 doses...

 

[GHT]

 

[Turnip]

Temporarily sold out...

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Paddy was driving down the street in a nervous sweat all lathered up because he was late for an important meeting with the boss and couldn't find a parking spot. Looking up to heaven he said,

'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking spot I promise to go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life, and I promise to give up me Irish Whiskey!’

Miraculously, a parking spot appeared. Paddy looked up again and said,

'Never mind, I found one!'

 

[Tiki Tom]

Out in front of the Playboy Mansion in Beverly Hills, a group of Franciscan friars decided to make a statement about the sinfulness going on inside. Their simple campaign was to hand a flower to anyone going into or out of the mansion, thereby reminding people of the beauty of true love. Well, this went on for some weeks and the neighbors started to get annoyed; Property values and all that. First they called the police. Police said “can’t do anything. No crime is being committed.” Then the neighbors called a lawyer. The lawyer also said he could do nothing. Finally, in frustration, they spoke to Hugh Hefner, the owner of the Playboy mansion. Didn’t these monks bother him? Hugh shrugged, but decided to have a word with the monks. Whatever he said, it worked and the monks immediately departed. Moral of the story:
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

 

[Harp]

^^^Franciscans at St Peter's here in Chicago are my confessors and I throw a lotta biz their
basement bookstore way even though these guys mark up merchandise like crazy.

I once babysat or boysat my nephews, took a Playboy off their hands, took it home, read it,
threw out and forgot the matter until I went through TSA security at O'Hare Airport the following
week. The Playmate in said issue was behind me in line, escorted by an airline employee. And the lady
caught a bag inside X-ray, and a female TSA agent examined her suspect luggage. Pulled out the
magazine and facetiously joked if she was a les.... and smiling, the Playmate explained she was the
centerfold. So, I peeked again. Couldn't resist. And the Playmate smiled at me and winked.

I asked a Franciscan friend if any resultant impure thoughts were to be faulted me.
He smiled and said I was derelict in not inviting the young lady to dinner, a discernible twinkle
in his eye.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Peter opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read his obituary! He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney,

Did you see the paper?' asked Peter. 'They say I'm dead!!'

'Yes, I did!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Frunobulax]

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The modern definition of point #3 could be interesting...