Clean Jokes

[BobHufford]

 

[GHT]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

View attachment 300165

You can laugh now but methane gas will not be allowed under the proposed New Green Deal. And it starts by getting rid of beef cattle to reduce emissions.

 

[Turnip]

Naa, i bet they will stop beef-export first and decentralized bio-gas driven power stations proofed to run quite well.

By the way...

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Naa, i bet they will stop beef-export first and decentralized bio-gas driven power stations proofed to run quite well.

Something must be lost in cultural translation here. But since this is the Clean Joke thread I'll let it drop.

In the meantime:

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Hellooooo, China?"

 

[Turnip]

 

[tonyb]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

View attachment 300741

LOL...I'll bet those are Sansabelt too!

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Harp]

A Soviet sniper with a one miler maximum range rifle was rumored to be in area.
The rifle had a bounty on it, $25,000 award capture or just "found," no questions asked.
A particular second lieutenant with his head stuck up his newly arrived in country West Point ass would be
constantly saluted. All day long. Every day, base, patrol, wherever. Night too.
He finally figured out why all the salutes when he learned about Ivan Crockett.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[Frunobulax]

Squirrel Problems
-
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

 

[Woodtroll]

Squirrel Problems
-
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

How can you not follow that joke up with this (note a joke, per se, but still pretty funny):

 

[Hurricane Jack]

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church.

Sounds as sane as restoring the right to vote to felony prisoners & ex convicts, & lowering the voting age even further just to get their votes.

 

[Bamaboots]

Reminds me of the time I pepper sprayed squirrels in my attic. I won’t go into details.

 

[Frunobulax]

How can you not follow that joke up with this (note a joke, per se, but still pretty funny):

I don't think I've ever heard that before. Love some Ray Stevens, tho.

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Mummy, mummy, why's the cucumber salad so spiky??"

"Because cactuses are so cheap, actually."