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Clean Jokes

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GHT

I'll Lock Up
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The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research
and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of
milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it.
They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull tried to mate, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mate with our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"
The people were dumbfounded since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."
 

Turnip

My Mail is Forwarded Here
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GHT

I'll Lock Up
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The new NILE Virus (Type C) ----- I thought you would want to know about this, the most advanced computer programs from Norton, McAfee and others cannot take care of this one. It appears to target those who were born prior to 1950.
Virus Symptoms
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send an email that offends some people.
3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit SEND before you've finished.
7. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND.
8. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE
9. Causes you to Let ‘Spell Check’ cause you a lot of email faux pas.
10. Causes constant butt dials due to uncontrolled farts.
This virus is called the C-NILE virus!
A lot of us have already been inflicted with this disease and unfortunately, as we age, it gets worse.
And if you can't admit to doing any of the above, you've obviously caught the other strain - the D-NILE virus.
Doctors say that lots of naps and a daily dose of Dr. Jack Daniels liquid medicine might help.
 
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