Clean Jokes

[3fingers]

the local cinema was showing "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," the mistake was that the "T" in Rabbit was missing.

When Superman came out in the theater our local place apparently had a shortage of available Rs. The marquee read SUPERMAN
Malon Bando
Forty years later that's still the name that enters my mind when I see him in something.

 

[GHT]

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over, enters a toy shop and asks the sales assistant, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir?" We have: Work Out Barbie for £19.95, Shopping Barbie for £19.95, Beach Barbie for £19.95, Disco Barbie for £19.95, Ballerina Barbie for £19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for £19.95, Skater Barbie for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for £265.95".
The amazed father asks: "What?" Why is the Divorced Barbie £265.95 and the others only £19.95?"

The sales assistant rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, a key chain made with Ken's balls and if it were possible, Ken's pension too.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Trenchfriend]

It's been a bit of a strange day!

I threw 50 Cent in a street person's cup and behind me, He barked:

"Hey, there's still coffee within, you bum!

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[drmaxtejeda]

Best commercial

Sent from my SM-A705FN using Tapatalk

 

[drmaxtejeda]

"Frosted Flakes are just one of my enterprises. My main bread winners are the blankets."

Sent from my SM-A705FN using Tapatalk

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[tonyb]

“Vaccinate your kids. I ain’t running an effin’ day care center down here.”

— Satan

 

[Trenchfriend]

Good old one from WW II:

The world's three most useless things:
The Chinese Wall, the pyramids and Yamato-class battleships.

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[Zombie_61]

This is how these two articles appeared on my Farcebook feed a couple of nights ago:

Timing is everything.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Old jewish joke:

Rabbi comes out of the railstation and asks a passerby:

Rabbi: "Excuse me, can you tell me, where's the synagogue"?
Passerby: "Yes, Goethestraße 23."
Rabbi: "Huh, but there is the bordel!"
Passerby: "No, that's Schillerstraße 44.
Rabbi: "Thank you."

 

[Trenchfriend]

Good old one from GDR:

Walter Ulbricht likes to inform himself about the perfomance of our merchant fleet. He travels to Rostock-Warnemünde and visits the commercial port. There are three ships laying on the dockside. He just goes to the first ship and asks:

Ulbricht: "Genossen sailors, were do you go to?"
Sailors: "We go to Cuba, Genosse Chairman."
Ulbricht: "Aha. And what do you take with you?"
Sailors: "Machinery and vehicles."
Ulbricht: "And with what will you return?"
Sailors: "With oranges, Genosse Chairman.
Ulbricht: "Well, I think, that's a good thing."

Ulbricht goes to the second ship and asks:

Ulbricht: "Genossen sailors, were do you go to?"
Sailors: "We go to Angola, Genosse Chairman."
Ulbricht: "Aha. And what do you take with you?"
Sailors: "Machinery and vehicles."
Ulbricht: "And with what will you return?"
Sailors: "With bananas, Genosse Chairman."
Ulbricht: "Well, I think, that's a good thing. That's okay!"

Ulbricht goes to the third ship and asks:

Ulbricht: "Genossen sailors, were do you go to?"
Sailors: "We go to the Sovietunion, Genosse Chairman."
Ulbricht: "Aha, to the Sovietunion. And what do you take with you?"
Sailors: "Oranges and bananas."
Ulbricht: "And with what will you return?"
Sailors: "With the rail."

 

[BobHufford]

 

[GHT]

 

[Benny Holiday]

Why are gas station amenities always locked? Are they afraid someone's going to clean them?

 

[Benny Holiday]

To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential.