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Clean Jokes

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drmaxtejeda

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[emoji815] I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

[emoji815] I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

[emoji815] When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

[emoji815]Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

[emoji815] America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

[emoji815] You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

[emoji815] My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that

[emoji815] I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

[emoji815] Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

[emoji815] You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

[emoji815] If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

[emoji815] I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

[emoji815] I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

[emoji815] Denny’s has a slogan, "If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us." If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

[emoji815] The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

[emoji815] I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

[emoji815] The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

[emoji815] Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

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2jakes

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9,680
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Alamo Heights ☀️ Texas
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Vive la différence! :D
 

drmaxtejeda

I'll Lock Up
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8,363
Location
Mexico City
Voltaire’s last words.

Voltaire, one of the greatest European thinkers of all time, was attended by a priest on his death bed. The priest asked him to renounce the Devil. Voltaire responded by saying: “This is no time to be making enemies.”

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