Clean Jokes

[Lean'n'mean]

 

[Benny Holiday]

When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark. Now I'm an adult, every time I get the electricity bill I'm scared of the light.

 

[Frunobulax]

The song, "The Monster Mash," is about listening and dancing to a song called "The Monster Mash." We do not actually know what"The Monster Mash" sounds like.

 

[Bamaboots]

When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark. Now I'm an adult, every time I get the electricity bill I'm scared of the light.

Now I know why my grandparents called it the “light bill.”

 

[Trenchfriend]

Katarina Witt and Kim Il-sung together, when she visited North-Korea with a delegation from GDR.

Sadly no footage on youtube.

 

[Frunobulax]

Katarina Witt and Kim Il-sung together, when she visited North-Korea with a delegation from GDR.

Sadly no footage on youtube.

I'll watch anything with Katarina Witt in it.

 

[Benny Holiday]

I saw a sign today that said "Just say NO to drugs."

Well, I figure if I'm talking to my drugs, I must've already said yes.

 

[Zombie_61]

The song, "The Monster Mash," is about listening and dancing to a song called "The Monster Mash." We do not actually know what"The Monster Mash" sounds like.

Not only that, but it's sung by a guy (Bobby Pickett) imitating another guy (Boris Karloff), so we don't actually know what The Monster Mash sounds like and we don't know what the guy singing it actually sounds like either.

 

[GHT]

After a busy day in London, an exhausted woman settled down in her train from Waterloo Station for a nap as far as her destination at Winchester, when the fellow sitting near her gets out his phone and starts:
"Hi darling it's Peter, I'm on the train."
"Yes, I know it's the 6.30 not the 4.30, but I had a long meeting."
"No, not with my secretary, with the boss. No darling, you're the only one in my life."
"Of course I'm sure, cross my heart."
This was still going on well down the line at Wimbledon, when the woman, driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice:
"Hey, Peter, turn that bloody phone off and come back to bed!"

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says: "Error. Not long enough." followed by: "Access denied."

 

[Trenchfriend]

Cinema? Forget it!

Monday morning, supermarket parking lot.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Two friends in cigarette-town Dresden in the 60s meet on the street.

"Did you know, that our cigarettes are now also exported to non-capitalistic countries?"

"WHAT?? OUR CIGARETTES are send to non-capitalistic countries?? Well, maybe they want to score off them."

 

[Hurricane Jack]

The song, "The Monster Mash," is about listening and dancing to a song called "The Monster Mash." We do not actually know what"The Monster Mash" sounds like.

Not only that, but it's sung by a guy (Bobby Pickett) imitating another guy (Boris Karloff), so we don't actually know what The Monster Mash sounds like and we don't know what the guy singing it actually sounds like either.

And who remembers that Leon Russell played on that record & was a member of the Crypt-Kicker 5, the only member to have a career in music?

 

[Frunobulax]

And who remembers that Leon Russell played on that record & was a member of the Crypt-Kicker 5, the only member to have a career in music?

I knew thst at one time, but forgot it.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Zombie_61]

And who remembers that Leon Russell played on that record & was a member of the Crypt-Kicker 5, the only member to have a career in music?

Funny, I had a nice conversation with Bobby Pickett at a convention back in the early-90s; he never mentioned it.

 

[Benny Holiday]

Ah, the days when even kitschy novelty songs were 1,000 time cooler than today's electro crap could ever aspire to be . . .

 

[Frunobulax]

Ah, the days when even kitschy novelty songs were 1,000 time cooler than today's electro crap could ever aspire to be . . .

Yeah, but we have Weird Al.

 

[BobHufford]

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald's next to Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives on the same street and they might see her.

Ten years later, the group of now 25 year old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the beer was cheap, the bar had free snacks, the house band was good, there was no cover charge and there were lot of cute girls.

Ten years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was decided they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the booze was good, it was near their gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

Ten years later, at 45, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the martinis were big and the waitresses wore tight pants.

Ten years later, now 55, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the prices were reasonable, they have a nice wine list and fish is good for your cholesterol.

Ten years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the lighting was good and they have an early bird special.

Ten years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped accessible.

Ten years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because they had never been there before.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Bird Dog For Sale!

 

[Bamaboots]