Clean Jokes

[Frunobulax]

Well, as long as we're sharing funny news...

Five parrots separated at British zoo after encouraging each other to curse profusely at guests
"But if they teach the others bad language and I end up with 250 swearing birds, I don't know what we'll do."

I don't know about you guys, but I'd pay top dollar to see 250 swearing parrots.

Saw 'em open for the B-52s once. They were awesome.

 

[Zombie_61]

No clean joke. Real world.

Truck Pulling Trailer Full Of Monkeys Catches Fire On I-287

No word on if the monkeys were typing Shakespeare at the time.

Or Michael Bay, even.

"Trailer Full of Monkeys". Sounds like a really bad garage band from the 80s.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Two old comrades meet on the street.

"Hey, what's up? You're looking so sad."

"Uh, I placed a marriage advertisement:
"I'm searching for someone, who brings light and warmness to my home."

"And some answered?"

"Two answered. Municipal works and gas company..."

 

[HoosierDaddy]

 

[Trenchfriend]

You know, what our german Edeka means pronounced?

Purchasing cooperative of the colonial goods traders.

 

[Lean'n'mean]

 

[Lean'n'mean]

 

[Lean'n'mean]

Due to COVID, Snow White will only be accompanied by 6 dwarfs from now on......Sneezy has been placed in quarantine.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Trenchfriend]

View attachment 267718

EYES.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

View attachment 267991

Can you say, "entitlements"?

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Frunobulax]

Sa

View attachment 268221

Saw a t-shirt yesterday: "Don't (expletive deleted) with old people. The term 'life in prison' doesn't carry as much weight."

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Benny Holiday]

My boss is cranky with me. He told me, "You're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed so far this year?"
I told him I wasn't sure, it's hard to keep track.

 

[BobHufford]

 

[GHT]

Two ladies talking in Heaven:
1st woman: Hi, Wanda!
2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How did you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible !
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and died a peaceful death. And you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him by himself in the living room watching TV.
1st woman: so what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure that there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house searching. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement, then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds, I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive today.

 

[Turnip]