Clean Jokes

[Trenchfriend]

Maybe qualifies as a children joke:

Three bats hang on the ceiling. One claps up.

The one bat asks the other: "What's on with him?"
"He's fallen over"

 

[Zombie_61]

Pronunciation Poem:

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, laugh, and through.
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard, but sounds like bird.
And dead - it's said like bed not bead -
And for goodness' sake don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt).

A moth is not the moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, or broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear and bear and pear.

And then there's dose and rose and lose,
Just look them up - and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go, and thwart and cart,
Come come, I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I'd mastered it when I was five.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Benny Holiday]

 

[Frunobulax]

Not a joke...real photo.

 

[Trenchfriend]

The fresh husband says silently:
"Honey, now I will fondle you on a spot, no man before me has ever touched."

Wife:
"But Darling, my eyes are however so sensitive!"

 

[Trenchfriend]

A married couple goes to bed.

Husband:
"Today, we try a new (sex) position. We lay us back to back"

Wife:
"But that doesn't work at all."

Husband:
"Yes, but Smiths are also coming."

 

[Trenchfriend]

What's a policeman in prison?

Sitting Bull.

 

[Trenchfriend]

It finally happened.
My ten year old daughter came to me and asked:

"Dad, how was I born?"

"I knew, you would ask me this. Well.

Eleven years ago, your Mum and me planted a seed into the ground. Your Mum watered it every day and it grew and grew and grew easily and eventually, it grew a new healthy plant.
And we plucked that plant.
And we dried it.
And we smoked it.
And we f....d without a condom..."

 

[Trenchfriend]

How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five, because the first four are already drunk.

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Dad, what's the name of Adam's mother-in-law?"

"Adam didn't have a mother-in-law, he was in paradise!"

 

[Tiki Tom]

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Hey, kiddo, why are you running so fast?"

"I want to prevent, that two boys drub each other."

"And who?"

"Peter an me."

 

[Trenchfriend]

A couple of Native Americans overnights in a hotel. He gets thirsty at night and begs his wife to bring him water. After five minutes, she comes back and says:

"Impossible. A paleface sits on the spring."

 

[Benny Holiday]

A Texan tourist is in Paris and visits the Eiffel Tower. Looking up at the monument in awe, he comments to the tour guide, "Dang that's one helluva tower you got there. How many barrels does it get out in a day?"

 

[Benny Holiday]

My son Luke kinda digs it that we named our kids with a Star Wars theme. His sister Chewbacca and brother Jabba aren't too impressed though . . .

 

[Zombie_61]

Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning and I was getting really annoyed. Then I realized I had left my phone in Airplane mode.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

View attachment 260235

LOL!

 

[Trenchfriend]

Two young boys talk.

"I know the best way to get a sixpack!"

"I already know that. I go to the gas station over the way..."