Changes in Attitude in Marriage & Divorce from the Golden Era to Now.

[LizzieMaine]

And let's not forget homicide. There were plenty of marriages that ended violently.

 

[Inkstainedwretch]

And let's not forget homicide. There were plenty of marriages that ended violently.

James m. Cain novels and countless films noir spun off from that case.

 

[Paisley]

Re a bunch of the above posts: We have several single women friends in their 40s / 50s and I'm just going to say it - dating is very hard for them as most of the men available in their age group are less than desirable.

Having tried to help - locate dates for them through my girlfriend's and my friends and acquaintances - and having read a bit on this, I've come to the conclusion that the problem is (1) let's not forget that ~50% of men and women stay married, so many (not all) "good ones" are locked up, (2) our casual sex culture has left many middle aged (and divorced) men happy to not remarry (been told that many times) and (3) women are willing to date men 10 and even 20 years older than they are (but this only happens occasionally with men dating much older women) so the population of men of similar age to our 40 / 50 year old friends is being aggressively diluted by women in their 30s and even 20s dating / marrying them.

IMHO, those are not some stupid guy reasons I came up with, but is an honest analysis both my girlfriend and I have come to after years of trying to help some very smart, attractive, nice and kind single women friends of ours find decent men of a similar age to them to date. That said, it only takes one - so of course, it can always happen, but the odds are, IMHO, harder for the above reasons.

That's really pretty accurate. The unmarried men who've hit on me are usually old enough to be my dad or young guys looking to get laid. Uh, no thanks. The best place to find love is at the dog pound.

 

[Lean'n'mean]

The best place to find love is at the dog pound.

Isn't that illegal ? in any case best to avoid such a public place.

 

[3fingers]

My wife and I have been together for 15 years. We were both married before, and have had similar discussions to this many times. It may came as a shock to some, but Larry Lothario has nothing on Connie Quickie. They exist everywhere in both sexes. There are also plenty of people, men and women, who are desperate for something and that desperation soon becomes apparent.
Another cause of "good middle aged" men and women being difficult to find is that they are badly damaged by their previous relationships.
I am talking about those who simply do not become involved with anyone outside of larger social groups if that. We both have friends who fit inot this group. They are great people who for whatever reason have removed themselves from the pool. Some have the self awareness to see that they are a bigger project than they wish to inflict on another and some just don't want to take the risk of being hurt again. The broad brush is handy and covers a lot quickly, but sometimes a smaller one is required.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Society does tend to frown of those of us who for whatever reason have no interest whatever in the romantic rigamarole, but if you glare over the top of your glasses at them often enough, eventually they learn that you're serious about it. Some of us aren't defective in any way -- we just think the whole business is far more trouble than it's worth. If I want to listen to complaining, I'll talk to my mother. If I want to keep warm on a cold night, I've got an overweight cat. If *I* want to complain, well, what's the Lounge for?

On the plus side, I can play the radio as loud as I want to, I can stay up all night working if I want to, I can go for days without doing the dishes and weeks without washing the floor if I don't want to be bothered, and I don't have to listen to snarky comments about the fact that the seat is completely torn out of my bathrobe. "Live alone and like it."

As I get older, the only drawback I can see to the single life from my perspective is the risk of falling down the stairs and having nobody to help me up. I keep a set of house keys in my desk at work, and the kids have been carefully instructed to check on me if I don't show up for work when I'm supposed to. It's embarassing when they show up in a panic and all that happened is that I took a nap on the couch and overslept, but overall it's a workable system.

 

[belfastboy]

My wife (of 42 years) and I have in our circle numerous single friends of both genders, from 40 to mid 70 years old. All, I think, wonderful, intelligent and marriable people who for whatever reason are still single. Some are still looking and really want a relationship, others would not turn one down but not actively engaged , and others have given up the search. My wife and I remark to each other that when something happens to either of us it shall be the single life as breaking in a new partner would be way too much work at this stage in our life. I'd get a cat and a reliable friend named Jim Beam and call it a day.

 

[belfastboy]

Society does tend to frown of those of us who for whatever reason have no interest whatever in the romantic rigamarole, but if you glare over the top of your glasses at them often enough, eventually they learn that you're serious about it. Some of us aren't defective in any way -- we just think the whole business is far more trouble than it's worth. If I want to listen to complaining, I'll talk to my mother. If I want to keep warm on a cold night, I've got an overweight cat. If *I* want to complain, well, what's the Lounge for?

On the plus side, I can play the radio as loud as I want to, I can stay up all night working if I want to, I can go for days without doing the dishes and weeks without washing the floor if I don't want to be bothered, and I don't have to listen to snarky comments about the fact that the seat is completely torn out of my bathrobe. "Live alone and like it."

As I get older, the only drawback I can see to the single life from my perspective is the risk of falling down the stairs and having nobody to help me up. I keep a set of house keys in my desk at work, and the kids have been carefully instructed to check on me if I don't show up for work when I'm supposed to. It's embarassing when they show up in a panic and all that happened is that I took a nap on the couch and overslept, but overall it's a workable system.

I think one of the big reasons my marriage has prospered is that we give all these things to each other. We live in a three level home and we each have our own space...me the TV room, and my shop in the garage. My wife with her craft room and reading nook in the bedroom upstairs. With this separation we can do our thing with the radio up as loud as we want, I can smoke a cigar in my shop and while our house is generally tidy the floor gets washed when one of us deems it to be "time." I caught my wife sniffing the armpit of her yesterday's shirt the other morning and declaring it still good to go. (but don't tell her I said that!)

 

[AmateisGal]

My wife (of 42 years) and I have in our circle numerous single friends of both genders, from 40 to mid 70 years old. All, I think, wonderful, intelligent and marriable people who for whatever reason are still single. Some are still looking and really want a relationship, others would not turn one down but not actively engaged , and others have given up the search. My wife and I remark to each other that when something happens to either of us it shall be the single life as breaking in a new partner would be way too much work at this stage in our life. I'd get a cat and a reliable friend named Jim Beam and call it a day.

My ex told me that if we ever split up, that he'd NEVER get married again. He was engaged to the woman he cheated on me with before our divorce was even final.

I don't know if I want to get married again. I'm enjoying the single life for many of the reasons Lizzie alluded to above. I've always liked living alone (hated roommates in college) and like being on my own schedule. If I want to take two naps on Saturday, by God I will and I won't feel guilty about it!

 

[tonyb]

My ex told me that if we ever split up, that he'd NEVER get married again. He was engaged to the woman he cheated on me with before our divorce was even final.

I don't know if I want to get married again. I'm enjoying the single life for many of the reasons Lizzie alluded to above. I've always liked living alone (hated roommates in college) and like being on my own schedule. If I want to take two naps on Saturday, by God I will and I won't feel guilty about it!

People might think they know how they'll feel should one thing or another come to pass. But no one really knows until he or she finds him- or herself in those circumstances.

That's among the reasons I resist making advance medical directives. I was acquainted with a since departed fellow who found himself arguing with family members over his wishing for yet another life-prolonging medical intervention, as that was contrary to what he had "agreed to" earlier.

People might think they "wouldn't want to live like that," until they find themselves living "like that."

People might think they've seen enough of the entire sweetheart business to last a couple of lifetimes, until someone comes into their field of vision that has them seeing things differently.

And then there are those who gaze upon their erstwhile beloved, the person who once made them weak in the knees, and mutter to themselves: "What the hell was I thinking? The sooner I extricate myself from this colosssal mistake, the better."

 

[ChiTownScion]

My wife and I have a standing joke about my "short list:" women who, if anything ever happens to her, are suitable mates for me lest I remain forever single after her demise. Top of the list is a mutual friend, a gal who finds my jokes funny, and makes the most outstanding pierogi.

Humor, and eating well: my priorities are my priorities.

 

[vallettavalentine]

My wife and I have a standing joke about my "short list:" women who, if anything ever happens to her, are suitable mates for me lest I remain forever single after her demise. Top of the list is a mutual friend, a gal who finds my jokes funny, and makes the most outstanding pierogi.

Humor, and eating well: my priorities are my priorities.

There are pierogi involved? Certainly a suitable match! My husband loves pretty much anything tasty, from latkes to BBQ to clams we dig in the estuary down the street.

 

[Lean'n'mean]

As I get older, the only drawback I can see to the single life from my perspective is the risk of falling down the stairs and having nobody to help me up.

Well, for a mere $354,999,99 + taxes & shipping, you too could have you own home 'pickauppa' for when you take a tumble.

We also supply the delux model which not only has a selection of interchangable appliances for all your indoor chores, but also has a programmable voice response & comes in a variety of colors to match your interiors. Prices, details & conditions available on demand.

 

[Harp]

WWII was also the age of the "Dear John" letter.

After 30-plus years doing criminal defense work as a public defender in the largest unified circuit court system in the world, I retired and decided to hang out the shingle, essentially taking cases as they came with the hope of building

Medic on my team attempted suicide after a mail call Dear John letter. Lousy memory but he had some issues we all let slide, some lingering guilt...
_________

Your views on the Felony Murder Doctrine please counselor. A concept I have not examined lately for any possible judicial evolve.

 

[ChiTownScion]

Your views on the Felony Murder Doctrine please counselor. A concept I have not examined lately for any possible judicial evolve.

In a nutshell: if I were the king of the world I'd end much of the prosecutorial overreach in this area by borrowing from that which we were taught in Torts class. Essentially, by defining duty owed as being predicated upon the same reasonable foreseeability standard which Mr. Justice Cardozo laid out for us in Palzgraf.

 

[Guttersnipe]

In a nutshell: if I were the king of the world I'd end much of the prosecutorial overreach in this area by borrowing from that which we were taught in Torts class. Essentially, by defining duty owed as being predicated upon the same reasonable foreseeability standard which Mr. Justice Cardozo laid out for us in Palzgraf.

Both the opinion and dissent in Palsgraf are probably the most judicially metaphysical, allegorical court decisions I've ever read. I swear, all that talk of muddy rivers and ladies dropping babies did not help my understanding of proximate cause one bit!

 

[Harp]

Both the opinion and dissent in Palsgraf are probably the most judicially metaphysical, allegorical court decisions I've ever read...

But Cardozo penned the opinion, with Pound's concurrence.

 

[ChiTownScion]

But Cardozo penned the opinion, with Pound's concurrence.

My favorite cases in law school were written by Roger Traynor of California. Concise, easy to read, and easy to brief. There's a lot to be said, sometimes, for putting the cookies on the lowest shelf.

 

[Harp]

...There's a lot to be said, sometimes, for putting the cookies on the lowest shelf.

....Kennedy's Obergefell draft-I only hurried through the slip-rather soared to unimaginable Olympian heights; I jest of course,
and recuse from any decided merit found therein, and hold solely to the secular jurisprudence of the Justice himself.

 

[59Lark]

i think each case is different, I now have 4 times had people comment my impending divorce and now separation is common but not for a man, for I was the motherly take care of the home and the kids and my wife was the one who hid her feelings and just snapped last month and went from a very dependent individual to a much more independent but not close to her family now but she is on a lot of prescription drugs and has a personality disorder and austism, so there is a lot of factors. I grew up in a home where all the men older were dead when I was 8 and I was raised by women and it made me different and also I would do anything to keep the family together including putting up with a lot and now she is going to live on mental disability pension and not be with us. my consiense is clear, I have done my best and time to move on, now I have to sell my second house and clean 50yrs of my mother stuff out of the storage rooms and closets, I found ping pong rackets for a table we haven't had since 76, a seat cushion for dads 68 gmc truck, all gone since 76, I need a dumpster . 59lark